Niall was in heaven, but on earth. I saw how he filled the room with his happiness and he didn't stop smiling. It was as if his whole life had a purpose and I was so happy for him. His first evening, after he had ended up in the group with the guys, he was lying and fantasizing about the future. I saw how he fantasized about standing on the biggest stadiums in the world and he really wanted to succeed.
The boys named the group was One Direction.
"But Niall and the potatoes, or something like that would have fit." Niall said and I laughed. He had humor and he joked about everything.
"You're funny!" exclaimed Harry straight to him. "But One Direction could probably fit better, even if you think that the rest of us are potatoes?"
"We aren't potatoes!" Louis giggled in response. "I'm a carrot and I stand for it."
Niall just laughed and his laughter was contagious. I couldn't stop just love his happy mood and he influenced all so positive.
"You ought to be an angel." I said aloud to myself and actually I realized how right I was. He would have been perfect as a guardian angel and he had spread the joy of the earth.
Niall loved the guitar and he loved to play. I could sit down and just listen to him when he practiced. The competition he took seriously, but at the same time, he was just himself. They practiced songs and the only thing I heard was Nialls wonderful voice. I know that the other four guys sounded at least as good as Niall, but he had captured my heart. I realized late that I was in love with him. I saw him as perfect and it took me many months to realize why. Maybe he was my soul mate? It was any ways the reason I convinced myself with.
"You can't fall in love with Niall!"
Gabriel was careful to emphasize words. I blushed and felt I had no control.
"What's wrong with..."
He interrupted me.
"Niall will not see you once. He will not know about your existence and the only one you're hurting is yourself."
I swallowed and gave Gabriel a cold stare.
"But I'm a good angel and I'm there until he dies."
Gabriel didn't seem to like that I was annoyed.
"Don't put too much emotion into your work. He's just a man."
Niall was still my everything. I sat and watched as he sang, I followed as he walked among friends. I smiled when he fell asleep and I was there when he woke up.
Once the competition settled in earnest, it was much that happened around Niall. I actually was sometimes away and watched what happened to everyone else. There were many who were nervous and that seemed unsure whether they would fare or not. I knew they all had different fates, and that in the end it could only be one winner. I knew there wouldn't be One Direction, yet I couldn't help but love the group more than the other. I realized how exciting it was in competitions. The people in the audience were laid down in the seats and they followed the artists with big eyes. The jury was nervous in their own way, but they had a lot of power. I actually liked Simon because he inside was soft but only showed a hard surface.
"Your voice wasn't good enough tonight." he would say. In his thoughts he reflected instead on how the person could do to change it. He planned next week for them all, if they were allowed to stay. Simon was also the one who believed in One Direction directly and he saw five stars in front of him. Maybe that was why I liked him? We had the same taste?
Niall sat one evening in the room and only played on the guitar. He was nervous about the next day and he actually wanted to go home. It was tiring to never knowing how it would go and I felt that he was affected by the uncertainty. I sat down beside him and took my hand on his shoulder. I wanted him to be more confident in himself. He didn't need to have low self-confidence.
"Your singing so good that everyone will like you." I whispered. Niall neither heard nor saw me, but this evening he stopped. It was as if he still had heard me.
"I want just to be good enough!" he whispered.
"You will Niall, you will do well."
He smiled, one of those little smile that only I saw. He looked around the room and it was as if his eyes were looking for something. I also began to wonder what he was looking for and looked around.
"What are you looking for?" I mumbled but couldn't find an answer.
Right as it was Zayn came into the room and he stood by the door.
"How are you?"
Niall smiled and put down his guitar.
"The competition's killing me."
Zayn agreed and I saw at him that he was as nervous as Niall.
"I know, but we are all ready to that we can go home. I guess that's what's called the contest?"
Niall nodded and looked down at his hands. He thought for a bit and then looked at Zayn.
"Have you ever felt that you aren't alone?"
"What do you mean?"
Niall looked down again.
"Sometimes I just get the feeling that someone is next to me and help me, but I know that sounds crazy."
I was startled too and just stared at Niall. He knew of my presence?
"Hmmm!" said Zayn. "I don't know ... it's ghosts you're referring to?"
Nial shook his head and smiled again.
"No, not ghosts. Sometimes it feel like just as if something protecting me, as if someone puts his hand on my shoulder and says it'll be okay."
I saw at Zayn that he thought Niall was crazy, but he chosen't to mention it. I myself was completely in Niall. I looked at him that he really meant every word.
"I'm here!" I whispered, trying to discern if he reacted. I was disappointed when Niall just got up and laughed a little iffy towards Zayn.
"It's probably just me being tired? I know I sound crazy and maybe it's because this all we having around us right now?"
"NO!" I just wanted to scream. "I'm here Niall. I'm sitting here and I'm with you."
I watched him leave the room, but chose to remain in bed. I felt a hopelessness and understood what Gabriel meant. I had too many emotions involved in my work, but I didn't know why. Love for me was so much and actually I had only loved my parents once. It was an indescribable love that I had felt throughout the body. The difference between what I felt for them and what I felt about Niall, was great.