12. Fate or choice?
Niall and I sat don on the bed. I felt his insecurity and I felt his concern. But I was just a kid inside and I wasn't sure I could tell him everything.
"Come on!" he got out. "Tell me the truth!"
I looked down at my hands. Where would I start?
"I was born in Jerusalem!" I began. Niall smiled and nodded.
"You've told me ..."
I shook my head.
"I didn't tell you that I lived for three thousand years ago, and I died. I didn't tell you that I was an angel and I came here to protect you."
He thought I was crazy. He was startled and he froze.
"Come on honey. Shall I believe the fact that you ....?"
I stood up and spun around so that I saw him. I showed my wing and showed him the real me. Niall just gaped and he had no words left.
"I'm a guardian angel." I whispered. "I chose to be your angel and I would protect you, but instead of seeing you as a human, I saw you as a man and I was so in love with you."
Niall stuttered and he pointed at my wings. He shook and he thought he was dreaming.
"You have, you know,,, feathers, and,,, WHAT?"
I felt the tears came.
"Niall, I was with you since you got into the X-factor and I followed you on the road. It was pure coincidence that you saw me that night and it wasn't the intention. Once you could see me, I didn't want to drop you. I wanted you in the same way that a woman wants a man."
Still, he didn't utter a word. I chose to turn myself back to Hope and I chose to show the person he knew.
"I love you!"
Niall yawned, he was breathing fast and his heart rate was high.
"But the feathers?"
I nodded and looked down at the floor.
"Yes, I have feathers, but I've learned that I can be like you. I can become a human and sacrifice my wings for your sake."
He was still shocked and I felt how he lost his grip on reality. Was this all? Would he now throw me out and say that he hated feathers? What did I learn? Well I learned that dreams don't come true and I learned never to lie about who I was.
"I'm leaving you." I whispered. "It hurts and I love you more than life, but it's just as well that I go."
Niall hesitated and was almost about to stop me. Yet he sat there and did nothing.
"But you're an angel?"
I nodded and smiled weakly.
"Yes, and maybe it's just as well that I remain so? I wanted to be yours and I wanted to be human, but you would never see me as a woman. You would just remember this moment."
I don't know if I chose the right path, but I disappeared! I took myself away from the cottage and I headed to the world's end. My heart was broken, but I knew that I did the right thing. I couldn't leave the responsibility on Niall. What would he have said? "Yes, go and drown yourself?" I knew he had never understood, and he had never gotten over the shock.
I sat on a rock and looked out over the mountain peaks. I don't know how many days I had been sitting there and I had no idea what the future would bring me. I saw the snow on the peaks and I watched the clouds drift by. It was all quiet around me and I felt calm. I tried to stop thinking and I tried to stop be alive. I just wanted to be still and I didn't want to take in more from a single person.
"You shouldn't shut out the world?"
I saw Gabriel coming towards me and he smiled weakly. I didn't want to talk to him and I didn't want to be social. He understood me and sat down beside me. I felt His presence, His love and His kindness.
"Niall miss you."
I closed my eyes and I couldn't bother. I tried not to get the image of Nialls face in front of me.
"He wants to meet you!"
I opened my eyes and sighed.
"Stop Gabriel. How can you know that?"
Gabriel looked at me and smiled weakly. He looked at me and I realized that he knew more than I had any idea about.
"He's talking to you every day. He says goodnight to you and when he wakes up he says good morning to you."
I met his gaze and frowned.
He interrupted me.
"I was there and I visited him often. He misses you so much that he's going crazy. He hardly eats any food and he has locked himself in the house."
It didn't sound like Niall.
Gabriel hushed me again.
"Say nothing, I learned once that you need to act. You need to act and not just say a lot of words."
"But I'm scared!"
He took his arm around my shoulder and looked over the mountain peaks.
"You wouldn't be human if you weren't afraid."
I smiled weakly.
"I'm an angel!"
I laughed and nodded.
"Yes I know that I'm an angel."
Gabriel looked at me again and smiled.
"It's just for you to go to the water and give your body life. I'm not saying you have to, but you still have the chance to have the life that you want."
I looked down at my hands.
"But how do I know this is really the right way to take for me and Niall?"
Gabriel dropped my shoulders and stood up.
"You don't know ..."
I met his gaze.
"But what if Niall and I weren't meant to be together?"
Gabriel smiled reassuring and looked at me a long time before he answered.
"Find that out..."
He left me, leaving only new thoughts. I realized that I shouldn't have left Niall that way. I realized that it was I who did wrong. I didn't give him any chance.