There weren't maybe people at her sister's funeral, not maybe people knew or even cared Beth had ever been alive. Kate stood beside her sister's grave, she looked down as they lowered the coffin, this was wrong. Beth had been thirty five when she died, she was seven years older than Kate but Kate had always been the wiser one believe it or not. Beth had died of an overdose...before Kate could have helped her. It broke Kate's heart. She wished that she could've have done something, helped Beth get clean but she found her too late. She guessed that Beth just never got over losing her daughter.
Kate said her final goodbye to Beth before leaving, she couldn't really take it much longer, and she wanted to clear her head. She had just taken the day off and not really told Henry why, she hadn't even told Jake she had a sister yet, it wasn't something she could just bring into conversation.
She still had tears in her eyes from everything that had happened. She saw her parents slowly cross the road to their car. God knows what her mother had said to her father to get him to come. She hadn't spoken to her parents since she was eighteen; hadn't even spoken to them at the funeral. Suddenly a hand slipped into her arm, her Nan, there for her as always.
"You ok, Kathy?" She asked, knowing full well she wasn't.
"Fine…" Kate lied trying to ignore the fact her Nan still insisted on calling her Kathy.
"You couldn't have done anything, luv…" The old and wise woman said softly as her and Kate crossed the road together.
"I know I know…"Kate nodded. "But it still…I still feel like I…I should've got…"
"Hey now, when Beth took drugs you tried to help her, even though you were just a kid yourself. When your old dad kicked her out, you still tried to help her but she didn't want it. You couldn't have done any more for her than you did and what you did was more than anyone else would." She rubbed her granddaughters arm. "When you came to live with me when you were a teenager I knew you were a headstrong girl with so much ahead of her…"
Kate laughed slightly as her Nan went on. "Do you remember what I said to you?"
"You told me to always think for myself, to follow the mind that helped me escape because there was nothing holding me back."
"It was Beth's addiction, your worry about her that stopped you from following that." She paused. "Beth's gone now baby girl, and we both know that in the end, she didn't care what happened to her, or you."
"I needed her so much when I was little…till she…" She didn't need to finish that sentence.
"You're all grown up now though, Kathy." Her Nan stood still putting her hand on Kate's cheek. "Still with so much ahead of you, you don't need Beth, but…" She laughed. "You do need someone."
"I've got you." Kate smiled.
"I won't live forever kid." She said as they started walking again. "I don't want to see you going it alone, not after everything. Promise you'll look after yourself."
"Cross my heart…" she hugged the older woman. "And hope to die in a cellar full of rats."
"Long story." She laughed; something from her and Jake's conversation a few days beforehand.
Thinking of Jake she hadn't even told him she was having the day off...would he mind? Probably not, it meant that he wouldn't have her annoying him for a whole day. It was getting dark by the time she got her Nan home, after saying goodbye she stood on the pavement thinking what to do next. She should go home, but she didn't feel like that yet. She looked at her phone for the time and discovered she had one new message from Jake.
'Dare I ask were you've been today?'
She rolled her eyes, same old Jake.
'Oh, anyone close? If you don't mind my asking.'
It was kind of odd him sounding polite through text and she didn't know what to reply. She would have to tell him at some point, maybe tonight was the right time.
'My sister, it's a long story...'
He was willing to listen to her? Was she ready to tell him everything? If she started would she be able to even stop herself. She like Jake he was her friend, she could trust him, but what would he think about her if she told him the truth.
Well he'd offered now and she didn't really have much choice, at least it meant she didn't have to go home. She liked her place of cause but it was too quiet, too much for one person. She knew that after the day she had just had being alone would only make her more upset than she already was.
Jake didn't live that far from her so it would be easy enough to walk home when he got bored of listening to her.
She knocked on his front door and waited for him to answer. She was still shaking a little at the thought of what she was about to tell him.
"Hey…" He answered the door not looking the smart dressed man she usually saw.
"Hey…" She replied with a weak and obviously fake smile.
"Come in…" he said moving to let her past and she joined him standing in the hall way. He could see there was something wrong, he knew she'd come to tell him about her sister but there was something else, she seemed hesitant and it worried him. He put his hand on her arm for a moment so he could get to look at her "Tell me…"
She could feel her eyes burning, the tears she'd pretty much held back all day trying to be strong suddenly welled in her eyes. She couldn't fight anymore. She broke and started crying, he pulled her too him gently stroking her back with one hand and her hair with the other. If this situation had been when they were at work in the office it would have seemed awkward or wrong but where they were now it seemed right.
Jake and Kate argued sometimes but that was their thing, it what's made the partnership work. As they stood their Kate seemed different, mainly the fact that the Kate he knew and worked with on the daily basis would have clobbered him by this point and she just seemed younger. She was normally the tough talking, my way or the high way one of them and now she just seemed to be as scared and upset as a child, which was odd as there wasn't that much of an age gap between them.
She managed to calm herself slightly before pushing herself slowly away from him "Sorry…" she mumbled wiping her eyes.
"It's ok…" He nodded; she didn't have to be sorry about anything. "What happened to your sister? Talk to me."
Kate looked down at the ground before looking back up at him. She blinked once before taking a deep breath and swallowing, maybe this hadn't been a good idea…
"She erm…died from…a drug overdose…" She managed to say barley being able to maintain the eye contact between them. They were still stood in the hall way so they were still stood close together.
"I'm sorry…" He said softly his hand was still on her arm and he rubbed it slightly with his thumb.
Jake and Kate had never been this close before, they always fought over something that was completely pointless and stayed angry at each other till one of them apologized. Kate wasn't sure how she felt about this new found closeness between them but at that moment she was in no hurry to move away from him.
"It's ok…" She mumbled. "But I…I just feel like…like it's my fault…"
He moved his hand form his arm to her face so she would look him back in the eye "What do you mean?"
They went through to living room and they sat beside each other on the sofa and Kate began her story…how her sister had taken a drug overdose before Kate could've helped her.
"You never told me…" Jake said gently when she finished.
"I know…I guess I was just worried what you'd say…what you'd think…" She swallowed. "My Dad always judged me over what Beth did…I was disowned by him…I just…"
He shook his head "Kate I'd never judge you…I don't know what happened when you were younger, I don't know what happened between you and your dad, but you're still the crazy…frustrating, beautiful, amazing if slightly annoying person I knew before…"
She laughed slightly "thanks."
He smirked "made you laugh."
She put her arms around him hugging him and he smiled holding her in his arms. This would probably never be talked about because he knew how bad she would feel about breaking down in front of him.
She buried her head in his neck feeling for the first time since she was a teenager that she was wanted, that she fitted in. Pulling back from each other slightly Jake put his hand to her face. "You ok?"
"Sometimes it hurts…" She replied "But yeah…I'm ok now…" Her Nan had been right, she did need someone, someone to stop her getting angry at the world, someone who would make her laugh. She hadn't realized till now that Jake already did all that. Granted he was the focus point of her anger some days but that was just because he was Jake. She lent forward kissing his cheek. "Thank you."
"Just being you…" she smiled tucking her hair behind her ear.
"Not the usual reaction I get…" He smirked. "Normally it's a slap."
She laughed rolling her eyes, sometimes it would hurt. But she had her friends, she had Jake, she had her Nan. Everything will be alright she told herself. Even if some days she didn't believe it.