There's no other person Holly loves more than Eli, even though at first she wants to hate him with every fiber in her being. Her teenage heart still lives inside her, sometimes when you're so in love you need to pause and just feel.


3. III

A World Alone by Lorde


We've both got a million bad habits to kick, not sleeping is one.
We're biting our nails, you're biting my lip, I'm biting my tongue.

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
People are talking, people are talking (ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh)
People are talking, people are talking

Raise a glass, 'cause I'm not done saying it.
They all wanna get rough, get away with it.
Let 'em talk 'cause we're dancing in this world alone, world alone, we're all alone.

All my fake friends and all of their noise, complain about work
They're studying business, I study the floor, and you haven't stopped smoking all night.
Maybe the Internet raised us, or maybe people are jerks.
(People are talking, people are talking)
But not you
(People are talking, people are talking)

Raise a glass, 'cause I'm not done saying it.
They all wanna get rough, get away with it.
Let 'em talk 'cause we're dancing in this world alone, world alone, we're all alone.

All the double-edged people and schemes.
They make a mess then go home and get clean.
You're my best friend, and we're dancing in a world alone, a world alone, we're all alone.

I know we're not everlasting
We're a train wreck waiting to happen
One day the blood won't flow so gladly
One day we'll all get still
(people are talking, people are talking)
(people are talking, people are talking)
Get still
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
People are talking, people are talking (ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh)
People are talking, people are talking
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
People are talking, people are talking (ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh)
People are talking, people are talking

Raise a glass, 'cause I'm not done saying it.
They all wanna get rough, get away with it.
Let 'em talk 'cause we're dancing in this world alone, world alone, we're all alone.


It’d been seven months since my first date with Eric, and seven months since we’d make it official, but only a week ago had we begun to make it public at work. Things were going well so far, but the stares and whispers that followed wherever I went weren’t so welcome. Many of my co-workers were whispering that I had slept with Eric just to land solo surgeries or scrub in on any major upcoming surgery, which wasn’t true at all considering I had slept with him yet. It was starting to get to me but I hadn’t let Eric know.

“I bet she did it for the upcoming conjoined twin separation,” one of the nurses whispered to another.

“Actually, I didn’t. And even if I did, it’s none of your business, so would you please return to what you’re paid to do,” I said turning around to face one of the nurses who lived off of the hospital gossip.

I walked away with my charts and sauntered into the locker room where one of my closest friends, Victoria was getting dressed.

“Why the sad face doll? Is it because you’re not on Eric’s service,” she joked.

“Don’t even joke about that, I’ve had enough of everyone assuming I slept with him for a surgery, it’s so demeaning,” I whined.

“I know, I know. I was only kidding, and anyhow I’m on his service today, so be assured no one will touch him this week,” she said with a smile as she sat down next to me.

“What would I do without you?” I said jokingly.

“Probably be consumed by the gossip piranha’s here,” she said smirking.

“Well we’re off to rounds,” I said standing up.

“Hey, before you go, I wanted to ask you something,” she said closing her locker.

“Are you finally professing your love for me and asking me to run away with you?” I joked holding my charts up to my chest to make myself seem more dramatic.

“In your dreams Anderson, I was going to say my roommate just moved out and I am in dire need of a new one. I was going to ask you if you wanted to be my roommate,” she said laughing.

“Of course I’ll marry you,” I joked.

“Come on, I need a serious answer,” she said smacking me with her charts.

“Of course, when can I start moving my stuff?” I asked.

“Tonight, if you want,” she said before walking out with me into the hallway.

“I will get on that, well I’ll see you at the end of your shift lovely,” I said blowing her a kiss.

She waved goodbye and I headed off to Neo-Natal with Dr. Rhodes. I spent the entire morning checking up on patients and finishing charts. I was now in the cafeteria with Vic, getting something quick to eat before heading off to join Dr. Rhodes in the OR for a premature C-section. I turned around and bumped into none other than Eli, accidentally spilling my strawberry yogurt all over his dress shirt.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” I gushed, trying to wipe away my mess with some napkins only making it worse.

“It’s fine really,” he said gently pushing my wrists back from his shirt.

“Please let me get you at least a wet towel so you can clean it off better than I tried,” I said.

“If it wouldn’t instruct your work schedule then that’d be lovely,” he said.

I led him to the empty locker room and got a towel from one of the racks near our showers for the 48 hour shifts. I wet a corner and sat across from Eli. I began to dab at his shirt delicately.

“I can do it you know,” he said taking my wrist in his rather large hand.

I had forgotten how soft and firm they were. I shook my head and continued on my task or tried to as Eli continued to restrain me.

“I mean it,” he said softly.

“I know, but I did it so it’s only fair for me to clean up my mess,” I whispered, both of us hearing the double meaning in my words.

“You don’t have to do it by yourself if the other person was at fault as well,” he said taking the towel from my hands.

I let my hands drop down to my lap and let out a loud sigh.

“Why don’t we go out for lunch, you still have time don’t you?” he asked handing back the towel.

“But you’re still stained,” I said frowning.

“I have an extra shirt in my car, come on. What do you say?” he asked.

“Okay, let’s go,” I said grabbing my wallet from my locker.

We made small talk on the way to his car and sure enough he pulled out a light blue dress shirt and I tried not to gawk as he changed it in front of me. He rolled the sleeves revealing two tattooed arms.

“I hadn’t seen those before,” I blurted out.

“Because I mostly wear long sleeved shirts to work or a suit jacket. You haven’t hung out enough with me to see me in a T-shirt,” he said laughing lightly.

We walked to a nearby coffee shop and I ordered a bagel and a peppermint mocha, once we were comfortable we began to eat, and he pulled out a cigarette.

“Can you even smoke in here?” I asked.

“Yeah, that’s why I suggested this place,” he said putting away his lighter.

“I’m surprised you haven’t kicked that habit,” I said taking a sip of my peppermint mocha.

“Is everything okay?” he asked trying to change the subject, furrowing his brow making him look even more like the teenage boy I had fallen for so many years ago.

“Not really,” I confessed.

“Tell me about it,” he suggested.

“Well I’ve been with Eric for a while, and I’m sick of people talking and assuming I’m doing it only to get ahead,” I fessed up noticing how he stiffened when I mentioned that Eric and I were together.

“If you’re happy then who cares what the rest of the world says?” he said lifting my chin up.

“It matters when it’s affecting my career,” I sighed.

“It didn’t have to be like this,” he said quietly.

“Please don’t. Not today,” I pleaded.

“I wish I knew how to stop loving you, I’ve tried to accept that you’re happy with him, but I can’t seem too,” he said looking up at the ceiling.

“You have to, it’s better this way,” I said with a weak smile.

“I blame my blind optimism,” he said with a bitter laugh.

“It’s not, but we’re not kids anymore, we can’t keep going back and forth. I can’t keep making my nights revolve around you or counting my footsteps to your door, praying no one will hear like I used to. We weren’t stable, we were destructive. I need stability Eli,” I said putting a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re treating me like a patient whom you’ve just told had cancer, but this might be worse,” he said shrugging off my hand and standing up.

“It doesn’t have to be like this,” I said throwing his words back at him.

“No, but it is Holly,” he said.

“Don’t call me that,” I said curling my hands up into fists.

“Why not? You don’t want to remember that you were just as in love with me as I was with you? You don’t want to acknowledge that maybe just maybe it hurt more to leave you than to be left? You say you don’t want to do this, but you leave me no choice. I will love you, I will love you for the rest of my life, and if that means dying while you’re happy with him then so be it. I will never stop loving you; I will never stop feeling this gaping hole in my chest whenever I see you with him, or whenever I hear my sister tell me to get over you because you’re in love. I can’t get over you, you continue to be the air I breathe in, the blood that runs in my veins and the reason my heart keeps beating,” he said in a dejected tone.

“Well don’t, because I can’t love you anymore,” I said tears pricking at my eyes while the lie slipped out of my mouth as I got up and left him sitting alone.

(Hey guys, I felt the need to leave you guys with the reveal of Eli’s deep deep deeeeeep feelings for Holly/Sydney. More will come I promise! I hope you guys liked it sorry it’s so sad, but that’s how I wanted this to be!!Things will get better trust me! Please please please comment, vote, and like! Thanks so much for reading. Much love, Vic. Xxx) 

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