Ever tried to be in love? Ever tried to feel your heart beat fast when the other is around, ever felt that every touch is just a burst of electricity running through your body, knowing that everything the other is doing is the best they can, and you know you love them for it? Ever tried to just stay close to the other for a day, want to hold the person close and never let go. Because when you're apart you feel torn and you feel like the world is about to crash around you. You can only smile when you see they text you, or call you. Nothing is good enough, only if it is your loved one. Their voice is perfect, their hair, their touch, their smell, their body, the way they move, the way they say your name. And their eyes. People say that the eyes is the key to the soul, I would believe them. Normally I wouldn't, but after I got these feelings for him, after I started feeling like this. I just never stopped believing in the crap people told me about love.
I have never been the person who believed in love. People just saw me as this crazy fun loving person, who just didn't understand anything. But whenever I asked question about anything as simple as love, they looked at me like I was sick. Like there was something wrong in not knowing. They always tried to explain it to me, but their ways confused me. They always spoke about a kind of heart beat, butterflies in the stomach, a longing for the other. But I felt that way toward all my friends. I felt that way toward everyone, so why would love be anything special? Why would you wish to love when friends could give you the same satisfaction? I didn't understand. Until now.
Love isn't about butterflies in the stomach, it's not about that your heart beating faster at the thought of them. It is different for everyone. Though I would lie if I told these things didn't happen for me. Everything they do is perfect to me. Their accent, their voice their movements, their walk and their touch. Love makes you strong, it makes you realizes that there's something worth fighting for, but it also makes you weak. If you see this person frown, or sad. If you see them cry, you can feel your life shatter around you. You can feel how you sink in and how you wish you could help them. But the worst pain is when they push you away. If they have someone else or if they simply doesn't realize you love them. If they see you as a friend, if they don't even know you're there. If they don't know that they're perfect to you. And that you want the best for them.
If this person hide themselves, and doesn't let anyone inside. Because they have been broken so many times already. They don't dare to let anyone inside. They fool everyone with their fake smile and laughs, but you know. You know what pain they have. You know they hate everyone, and don't forgive. That they're calling for help, but no one listen. You just want to yell out loud, tell everyone to look at this perfect person. Make everyone see how broken your lover is. Yet you want to keep them for yourself. You're afraid if anyone see they'll begin to pay too much attention, so they'll steal your lover. Even though your lover don't see how you look at them.
Even though you lover, doesn't see how perfect you think they are. How can you accept your lover being sad, for your own selfishness? How can you let your lover be this alone, when you yourself is loved. How can you make your lover see that you're here for them, without them believing you'll only hurt them? How can you even get their attention without you two break into a fight?
How can I tell you, that I love you, Russia?