It had been 6 months since I told Harry off. I ignored him as much as I could, only giving him any thought when absolutely necessary. He made numerous attempts at apologising, but I just wouldn’t have it. I was still close with the other lads, or as close as you could be when you hated their best friend. Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t too happy with him either, but they have to see him every day. I on the other hand, I had changed completely. I never changed out of black and I cut my hair. My princess curls that hung just below my waist, were now permanently straightened and came to just under my shoulders, a fringe covering my right eye as well. Lou didn’t complain, she liked my new style. I had lost a lot of weight in the few months that passed. I could see and feel my ribs, almost anorexic the lads would say. I didn’t eat like I used to anymore either. I ignored food almost always. The only times food would enter my mouth, would be when Niall forced me to eat. Niall had become like an older brother to me ever since we got back from South Africa. Mostly, I think, because he wanted to be with me whenever I Skyped Jane. Zayn was just like always, Mr Mysterious. Liam had become my psychiatrist. He always came around or just listened to my ramblings when I needed to let out. He really did give good advice. Louis. Well, what to say about him… Louis and I became very close in the last 6 months. I don’t know, I think I liked Louis. He always made me laugh when secretly I wanted to cry. He’d be everywhere I go to check on me. It was weird to have someone who seemed to care that much. I didn’t make much of it, I mean he has a girlfriend for god’s sake. Not that I think Louis and I would ever become intimate or if I even like Louis like that. I don’t know. I was confused about a lot of things and relationships was definitely not going to be a thing right now. None of the boys know about my little habit that I started that day in the shower. I didn’t want any of them finding out about it. They’d pity me. More than they probably do already.
It was Monday and I didn’t have class. Lou had a hectic day ahead of her and gave me the day off. My phone vibrated on the nightstand, but I couldn’t be arsed to check who it was. I didn’t need to get up today, but of course I just couldn’t stay in bed the whole day either. I rolled out of bed, my hands reaching the floor first and got out on all fours. Crawling to my closet, I heard the front door opening.
“Yo Mel!” I heard Niall call from the door.
“Up here!” I yelled from the floor. I sat in front of my open closet and just stared at the clothes in it as Niall walked inside.
“Thought I’d give you a ride to the studio.” He said chuckling. “Why are you staring at your closet?”
“Posing a very philosophical question. If I don’t wear black, will this day still suck?” I asked looking at him as he sat on the edge of my cloud.
“Well, how do you know it’s gonna suck if you haven’t even been outside yet?” he retorted with a smile. I shrugged and pulled a pair of black skinny jeans from one of the shelves. He laughed and came over picking me up from the floor. I grabbed a black and neon green tank top and ran to the bathroom. I heard Niall go downstairs while running the shower. I heard the TV turn on and knew he was watching the football game. I got dressed and did my usual winged eyeliner and mascara makeup. Niall was too focused on the game to notice me coming down the stairs. I jumped on his lap and started poking his cheek.
“Mel, don’t start..” he warned. I laughed and picked up my poking pace. “C’mon. I’m trying to watch the game.” He whined and grabbed at my hand.
“Okay okay!” I surrendered and slipped off his lap. I crawled under one of the couches looking for my black Vanz and crawled out the back victorious. Slipping them on, I poked Niall’s perfectly styled head and got his attention.
“Yes?” he sighed his face turned towards me.
“I don’t have to go in to studio today.” I smirked knowing he’ll be annoyed.
“God, I’m gonna kill Lou.” He sighed and returned his attention to the game. “Have you eaten yet?”
“No, I’m not hungry.” I lied. My stomach grumbled just to prove how hungry I really was.
“Lair lair pants on fire.” He chuckled. “We’re going to IHOP. Now.” He switched the TV off and dragged me out by my arm. Despite my protests, he tied me down in the car and sped off towards the place.
We got seated immediately by a cute looking waiter, but he seemed scared of me.
“Anything to drink while you wait?” he asked politely handing us our menus.
“Cola tonic for me please..” I said giving Niall puppy eyes, he shook his head at me. I huffed and sat back in my seat.
“Two orange juices would be great.” He said and the waiter disappeared.
“Niall…” I whined. “Why can’t I get a cola tonic?”
“It’s unhealthy.” He replied looking over the menu.
“Oh, but eating Nandos everyday isn’t?” I smirked.
“I do not eat Nandos every day, Mel.” He rolled his eyes nudging the menu closer to me. “Now go over the menu or I’ll order for you.” My eyes widened and I grabbed the menu. When Niall orders for you, you have enough food to last a week. He laughed at my expression and just shook his head. The waiter came back with the orange juice.
“Ready to order?” he asked placing the glasses in front of us.
“I’ll just have the Swedish Crepes.” I smiled up at him. Niall shook his head disapproving. “Shurrup Niall at least it’s food.”
“Whatever Mel. I’ll have one Mega Monster Cheeseburger, a Belgian Waffle Combo and original French Toast.” He said smirking at me. “That’s how you order.” The waiter scribbled everything down and disappeared again.
“Geez Ni.. How do you eat so much?” I asked playing with the glass.
“I don’t know. How do you not eat?” he asked shrugging. “Why don’t you eat anymore Mel?”
I sighed. I didn’t want to answer him. I don’t think I really knew myself. “I don’t know Ni..”
“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” he asked reaching over and taking my hand in his. I met his eyes and nodded. He really was like my big brother. My butt began vibrating and I jumped letting out a small squeal causing Niall to burst out laughing. I unlocked my phone and found a text. I smiled reading it.
Hey M!! Where you at? I checked in with Lou and she
said you got the day off.
“Who’s that?” Niall asked, a smirk clear in his voice.
“Louis.” I said nonchalantly and typed a response.
Loueh!! Grabbin breakfst with Ni @ IHOP.
Wanna hang l8tr?
Would I be texting you if I didn’t? Oh, and Mel?
You really have to learn how to type ;)
Shurrup Loueh! C u in an hour :*
I had just hit send when I got a Twitter notification. Niall tweeted.
@niallofficial: Grabbin breakfast with @Melody_Lexus but she won’t stop textin!! One sad Nialler :(
“Aw Ni.. Louis just wanted to know where I was.” I said putting my phone away.
“Yeah yeah whatever.” He pouted, but started laughing when I squealed at my phone again. I ignored it when Niall started pouting again.
We were throwing pieces of straw wrappers at people when they weren’t looking when our waiter came with the food. I looked at the amount of food in front of us shaking my head.
“I hope you’ll be finished in an hour. I promised Louis I’d meet him.” I said picking at my crepes.
“I’ll be done soon enough.” He said in between mouthfuls of cheeseburger. I giggled and we ate laughing at stupid little jokes and Niall trying to feed me some of his waffles.
We were laughing about the waiter and how he seemed so scared of me, when we pulled up to the house. I groaned spotting the very familiar Audi R8 in the driveway. I knew I had to see him at some point, but I really didn’t want to see him today. I had so much fun with Niall and I was so excited about Louis coming over. He was going to ruin my mood! Niall placed a hand on my knee and gave me a small apologetic smile.
“I’m sorry, Mel.” He said giving my knee a squeeze. “I’ll be right next to you, so if you want me to throw a punch or two his way..” he wiggled his eyebrows and I giggled.
“Thank you Ni. I don’t think violence will be necessary, but I’ll keep it in mind.” I smiled at him and took a deep breath. We were at the door when I heard her laugh. I rolled my eyes and sighed. How dare he bring that tramp into my house! Oh, did I mention she’s pregnant? Must’ve slipped my mind. But yes. Savannah fell pregnant a week after Harry and I split. Which of course made everything so much harder. Niall let out a sigh and opened the door. I walked into the living room where Harry, Louis and Savannah and her perfectly round baby bump was sitting on MY couches, watching MY TV.
“Melodeh!!” Louis shouted and shot up from the couch.
“Hi, Louis.” I said giving the other two a glare. Harry just looked at me sadly and shook his head. Savannah smiled at me. I wanted to punch all of her perfectly white teeth out of her perfectly shaped mouth. If it wasn’t for the hug Louis was about to give me, I probably would’ve.
“What are they doing here?” I whispered into Louis’ ear. I felt him shrug and pull me to the couch he was sitting on. Niall was already in the kitchen looking for more food. I did not understand that boy.
“So.. What are you doing here?” I asked bored looking at Harry and Savannah.
“Well, Harry here was so worried about you so we just came by to check on you.” Savannah smiled with that annoyingly squeaky voice of hers.
“There’s nothing to worry about. I’m a big girl. I know how to handle.. most things.” I said folding my arms across my chest and crossing my legs.
“Mel, can I talk to you? Alone please?” Harry grumbled.
“Why?” I sighed.
“Mel.. kitchen. Now.” He demanded and walked off. I rolled my eyes and followed after him. Niall’s head was still stuck in the fridge when I entered. “Niall. Out. Now.”
Niall almost hit his head and looked at Harry with a confused expression, a piece of leftover bacon hanging from his mouth.
“Why?” he mumbled. “Anything you want to say, you can say in front of me.” I smirked and leaned against the counter, my arms crossed over my chest again.
“Talk Harry and make it quick so you can leave.” I said and stuck my tongue out at Niall.
“Mel, I know what’s going on.” Harry sighed.
“What?” I asked confused.
“You think I don’t notice the scars?” he asked. “Mel, I notice everything.”
“Harry what are you talking about?” Niall asked confused. I wasn’t confused anymore. I knew what he was talking about and I felt my arms drop to my sides.
“Yeah Harry.. what are you talking about..” I said with no emotion.
“Show me your wrists.” He said approaching me.
“I’m not showing you anything.” I said backing away from him.
“SHOW ME NOW MELODY!” he yelled. I cringed back into a corner when Niall stepped between us.
“Mate, calm down.” Niall said and turned to me. “Mel, please. What’s going on?”
“N-nothing Ni..” I stuttered and tried hiding my arms behind my back. Niall looked like he was on the verge of tears.
“She’s lying. Niall she cuts.” Harry spat. I looked at him shocked. How did he know? Niall looked at me, then Harry and then back at me.
“Mel?” he asked. “Is it true?” I sighed and looked at the floor letting the tears flow down my cheeks. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t lie to him. I hadn’t said anything, but Niall came towards me. He gently took my arms from behind my back and turned my hands palms up. His thumbs traced the faint scars gently. I couldn’t look at him. I just kept staring at the floor. I felt a drop on my arm and looked up into those ocean blue eyes.
"Ni? Are you.. are you crying?" I asked softly.
"Mel, why do you do this?" he asked holding my gaze, but before I could say anything Harry spoke.
"Because she's an attention seeking bitch! What will the media say when they spot it?"
"Harry shut the fuck up! This girl loved you with all her fucking heart and you go cheating on her and knock that bitch up! The only attention seeker here is you!" Niall said as he spun around facing Harry and pointing in the direction of the living room.
"You have no idea what you're talking about Niall! Now stop protecting her like the little girl she is and let her fight her own battles!" I couldn't take it anymore. I could handle a lot of things. And I did. But this was getting to be too much. I ran out into the living room, passing Savannah and Louis, sobbing as I ran upstairs and into my room. I fell onto my cloud and pulled the duvet over me as I sobbed into the mattress. I didn't want Niall to find out like this. I wanted to tell them on my own time. When I was ready. Not when Harry wanted to ruin everything. I heard a lot of shouting come from downstairs and only cried harder. I pulled the duvet closer around me and tried to forget everything. But of course that wouldn't happen. Ever. It's hard trying to get over someone you see almost every day. Especially your first love. It's hard trying to forget everything you did, when there's just so much to remember. But most of all, it's almost impossible forgetting him.
There was a faint knock on my door before it slowly opened. I heard them come in and felt the bed sink. Before I knew it, I was being hugged from all sides. I smiled faintly and peaked out from the duvet. My eyes felt heavy. I looked at the two boys hugging me and felt so much love for them. Louis and Niall looked at me with their tear stained faces and smiled sadly.
"Mel, I'm so sorry." Louis said barely above a whisper.
"Please don't be.." I said, another tear making its way down my cheek.
"But I am. For not noticing it." he said wiping the tear away.
"You guys have to understand that this isn't your fault. If I wanted you to know, I wouldn't have tried so hard at hiding it. Louis. Niall. This is no one's fault but my own. I'm sorry I kept it from you." I said my voice cracking on you.
"Mel, please promise us you won't do it again." Niall said from behind me.
"I don't make promises I can't keep Ni.. and I'm sorry for that." I said untangling myself from them. I took a deep breath and looked at my arms for a split second. They sat up and kept their gazes fixed on me.
"Where do you always cut?" Louis asked.
"Here.." I said pointing at my arm. "Here.." I said pointing at just under my boobs. "And here.." I said placing my hands on my thighs.
"How badly?" Niall asked. I sighed and stood. I started undoing my jeans when Niall cleared his throat. "We're not having a three some right.." he sounded scared. I sighed and pulled my jeans down. I was wearing underwear for god’s sake! Louis gasped when he saw the scars. They weren't like the ones on my arms. These were deep. They were nasty, white pieces of bulging skin. Niall stared at them with his jaw practically on the floor. When I thought they saw enough I pulled my jeans back on. I sighed and sat between them again.
"Why.. do you do this?" Louis asked.
"I... I don't really know anymore.." I sighed.
"Why did you start?" Niall asked.
"That night when I found Harry and Savannah, I was so hurt. My heart.. it felt like exploding so much it hurt. So I sat in the shower that next morning. The event replaying in my mind. I picked up the razor and just dragged it across my thighs. Harry didn't even notice it." I took a deep breath and bit my lip.
"No boy.. is ever worth your blood Mel." Louis said softly.
"It was the only thing taking away the pain Louis.." I said a little shocked by his words.
"He's right Mel. No guy is worth the blood given to you to keep you alive." Niall said. At that moment I looked at each of them. I looked long and hard. I couldn't have asked for better friends than these boys. I gave them a small smile.
"Thank you guys." I said hugging each of them. They smiled and Niall got up.
"Where you going Ni?" I asked confused.
"You guys are gonna hang out. So I'm just gonna head home." he shrugged.
"You don't have to leave mate." Louis said. "We can hang out together. "
"It's cool Tommo. Just make sure she eats." he smiled and pointed at me. Louis laughed and nodded. Niall chuckled and walked out of the room. We sat in comfortable silence, Louis looking at me with a small smile.
"I'm sorry Lou." I said looking at the floor.
"Mel, don’t apologise for something like that." he said placing a hand on my shoulder.
"I didn't want you to find out like this. I wanted to tell you when I felt you needed to." I said, a tear slipping from my eye.
"It's alright, Melody. We all have skeletons in our closets."
"But Louis I feel pathetic for doing this. For crying right now." I sobbed into my hands.
"Mel. Look at me. You’re not pathetic. Everyone needs to cry. It's how we let go of our built up feelings." he tried soothing me, but I wouldn't have it. I kept crying. "Melody. Look at ME." he placed his hand gently on my cheek and turned my face towards him. I looked up at him through my tears, his thumb gently wiping them away.
"You are strong. You are beautiful. Don't listen to the things your mind tells you, because none of it is true." he spoke with such honesty, but my mind told me not to believe it. He held my gaze and I didn't know what to think of this. It looked like he was leaning it ever so slightly and I couldn't stop myself from copying his actions.
“You are perfect no matter what other people say.” He whispered, our faces mere inches apart. Louis leaned in closing the distance and ever so gently brushed his lips against mine. He was so gentle like I would break if he went any further. He pulled away too soon for my liking, but I knew how wrong this was. He didn’t say anything. Louis had a small smile and a faint blush on that cute face of his when I opened my eyes. I felt my cheeks heat up and looked down.
“Will you promise me something Melody?” he asked softly.
“Anything Louis.” I said looking back at him.
“Next time you feel like this. Like you want to hurt yourself again. Please call me and I’ll come over as fast as possible. Melody, please promise me you’ll make me your distraction?” he asked as he held my hands his fingers brushing over the scars on my wrists.
“I promise Lou..” I said softly. He pulled me into a tight hug and I swear I didn’t know what was going on. Wasn’t this exactly what I said I didn’t want? I didn’t have the strength to handle this right now, but it was Louis. Louis who had been with me through all the pranks in the first week. Louis who had abandoned his best friend after he did me wrong. Louis has been there through everything.
The door suddenly flew open and a livid looking Harry was standing infront of us.
“So this is what’s been going on?! You’ve been fucking my best friend?! You little whore! You’re trying to ruin my life, aren’t you!” he yelled at us. I cringed away from him and Louis as he approached us.
“Harry, what the fuck? We’re not fucking! Calm down, you’re scaring her.” Louis defended me, but I think mostly himself.
“Don’t bullshit me Louis! You probably fucked her the first night she came here!” Harry raged.
“Mate, you’re delusional. I was with you that night, remember?” Louis tried explaining, but Harry wouldn’t have it. He kept throwing insults and accusations my way and I couldn’t do anything about it. I just sat staring wide eyed at Harry as he and Louis went into a yelling match.
“GUYS SHUT UP!” I yelled over the two of them. I was struggling to hold back the river of tears that was ready to spill. Louis looked at me worriedly, but Harry. Harry had a look of disgust written plainly across his face. “I.. I think it’s best.. if you both leave. Now.”
“Whatever whore.” Harry spat exiting my room again.
“Mel, you really want me to leave?” Louis spoke sadly. I didn’t want Louis to leave, but I didn’t want him to see me cry again. So I just nodded and looked at the blue carpet. I heard him sigh and then the door closed softly. I looked at the door and let the first tear fall. Maybe everything Harry said was true. Maybe I am a slut, a whore, an attention seeker. Everything. My phone vibrated pulling me out of my thoughts. It was a text from Louis.
Please don’t listen to him. None of the things he said are true.
Mel.. you’re beautiful, strong and the smartest girl I’ve ever met.
Remember what I said before.:* <3
Heyyyyyy guys!!! I'm really so sorry you had to wait so long for this, but I hope the wait was worth while! So... shit load of drama in this first part. About the swearing, if you don't like it, I'm sorry about that, but it's Mel's new image.
There's a tiny bit of a surprise coming in the next update :p I think you might know what it is. And then again you might not..
Uhm... let me see.. anything else... oh! If you haven't read Dressing Up Or Dressing Down yet... I advice you do so. Or you're going to be lost in this story.
Okay.. so I'm looking for a name to call this series and I really want to get my lovely readers involved on this. So please comment down below what you think would be a suitable name for our baby.
And then.. for the next update, all I'm asking is two little comments and 1 like? Pwease????
That's it. Sorry for the long ass AN, but I'm done now!:D
Cheers for now!!!