The last memory I have is a large, cracked and dry hand coming towards my 5 year old self yanking me up by my arm harshly.
I remember screaming, "No Daddy! I'm sorry! It was an accident!" As he pulled me away from the shattered fish bowl where my fish, Monty was laying, his beady eyes looking at me helplessly as he heaved for his last breaths of life.
I screamed, "No Daddy, Monty! We need to help Monty!" and he wouldn't listen. He was still too mad about the fact that my clumsy arm had bumped the fish bowl onto the laminate floor when I was getting the T.V remote for him.
He had dragged me down the small hall and into the bathroom, shoving me against the cool wall with a swift move. I can sometimes still feel the whiplash I had gotten from my head slamming against the wall. He shoved a bar of soap in my throat, washing my mouth out with hard shakes and shoves of his steady woodsmen hands.
He released my small and fragile head from being pinned to the wall, ignoring my gags and chokes as I spat on the floor desperately trying to get rid of the foul taste. He punched me in the stomach with a hard blow that sent my small body across the shiny tile floor and against the shower. I swallowed my puke hesitantly, gagging afterwards.
I was 5, and I already had the common sense of a 10 year old. That was the day I realized my Father had extreme anger issues.
I remember him pulling me by my hair up, holding our faces in line and hissing,
"That's what happens when you make me mad."
I still live in the same house. The same small hallway and shiny tiled flooring in the bathroom. I get flashbacks every now and then when a similar situation as my past ones happens.
My cousin Willow, says that it's always easy to tell when I have a flashback. I squeeze my eyes as shut as they can go, start shaking and then screaming out words that she doesn't understand and I begin crying and screaming. When it's over, I'm back to normal like nothing happened.
I don't remember anything after. I feel like nothing has ever happened.
I walked out of my bedroom on the left of the hallway and crept down the hall silently. I bit my lip and stopping in my tracks as soon as I heard the floorboard groan. I silently prayed that my parent's wouldn't hear a thing and wake up, because they always sleep in.
I didn't hear then waking so I continued on. I grabbed my 5 dollar bill of the kitchen counter and walked outside to the bright sun shining in my eyes.
I let out a content sigh and started walking down the road to Starbucks where I had my shift starting at 8:00.
I breathed in the fresh summer air and smiled to myself at the difference in my surroundings. At home it's dark and gloomy with depression lurking around every corner. Outside, It's pure joy and happiness.
I arrived at Starbucks and the doorbell chimed as I walked in. I went into the back to put on my apron. I tied it around my waist and neck gingerly and threw my hair up into a messy bun. I walked behind the counter and began taking orders.
"Good morning Beth!" Kyle said cheerily giving me a happy smile.
"Good morning." I replied returning a smile then turning around to make a drink.
"How was your day yesterday?" He asked flicking his long bangs out of his face and sliding on a apron.
"It was decent." I shrugged to him before getting a nod from him.
"Kendall said you have to start wearing a hair net because your hair is so long and you won't tie it back." I smirked to him evilly, holding out a hair net.
"You're kidding." He said in a mono-tone voice staring at it in disbelief.
"Nope." I replied biting back a smile at his anger.
"No!" He wailed throwing his head back and falling to his knees dramatically. I laughed and pulled it over his face and heard him screech in surprise.
"You little devil!" He yelled and crossed his arms across his chest. I shrugged with a crooked grin and took out ingredients.
"Your worse than Kendall." He mumbled making it obvious he wanted to be heard. I swung around and charged at the smirking boy. He screamed as I clawed at his face and arms.
"You batter take that back you little shit!" I said into his ear and he nodded apologizing.
"I'm sorry that I said you were worse than out Psycho, Bitch Boss." He said fluttering his eyes and gave me a sweet smile.
"Okay you're forgiven." I sighed and he pulled me in for a hug. I shook my head and chuckled, but hugged him back. I heard whispers of people in the line and booths talking about the screams. I gave Kyle a little smile at the situation and he walked into view saying,
"Don't worry folks no need to call the police! Just a little fun!" The crowd murmured among themselves and a few applauded.
"Let's get to work before we get fired." He suggested with a shrug.
"I think that's smart." I replied giving him a lopsided smile and shake of the head.
I finished my shift and by the end, I was well worn out from the busy day.
"G'night Beth." Kyle called after me in a lazy voice, locking up the cafe.
"Night!" I returned over my shoulder, padding down the flight of stairs to the subway in the dark night with only the stars and streetlights to light my path. I stopped at the boarding area and huddled deeper into my thin sweater as the cold threatened to attack my skin deeper.
I impatiently tapped my feet on the concrete and swung my body forward onto my toes, and back onto my heels. Forward and back. Forward and back.
The train finally zoomed through the tunnels and stopped to let out a crowd of late-night workers. I squeezed through the business men and women talking into their Bluetooth's and IPhone's with sharp and alert tones. I looked up at the clock and read the time.
"10:23pm. Not too late.." I thought to myself and sighed in relief as I stepped into the subway and a rush of warmth ran over my body. I sniffed in and sat down on one of the cushioned seats beside the heater, pressing my hands against it. My red nose began to turn back to its regular color as we sped through the dark tunnels. I leaned back and rested my head in the crook of the seat and window.
The radio softly played, 'Diamonds' And I smiled to myself feeling calmed my the gentle chords. I released my dark hair from my messy bun and let it flow down, running my fingers though the strands smoothing it out. The train stopped and I got off the cold instantly piercing my cheeks. I broke into a jog and came up to my run-down house.
I opened the door and threw myself into my house. I hung my jacket up and walked into the kitchen and saw my mom and dad sitting at the dining table, their folded hands to their lips.
"About time you showed up." My mom snarled through her partly opened thin lips and perfectly entwined fingers.
"I'm sorry. I had a day shift today." I said quietly, avoiding any eye contact. I stayed perfectly still, my head down and my hands linked together behind my back.
"You should've told us." She insisted her hands clenching the sides of the wooden table that my dad handcrafted from scratch.
"I didn't want to wake you up though! I thought I would get into trouble." I said in a uneven tone, pushing my hair back.
"Don't talk back to your mother young lady!" My dad yelled standing up with his chair screeching back against the wall with a smash.
"No, no, no-" I said quickly my voice turning scared as he took long strides towards me. I shielded my face helplessly and he grabbed my wrist clenching it tightly, cutting of my blood circulation.
"Stop you're hurting me!" I cried out, desperately trying to pry his rough hand off my small wrist and by then tears were already building up, threatening to spill.
He took my other hand and slammed it against the wall, trapping me. He kneed my in the chest knowing I couldn't shield myself anymore. I finally started crying at the painful shocks of pain that ran up my spine every time a body part of his made contact with me. My mom left the room, not caring enough to try and stop him.
He threw me against the wood stove, the burning metal burning my arm and through my clothes to my side. I screeched and it broke into a sob in between. He released me roughly tossing my body aside like I was just an broken toy. I landed on the wood floor, my burns sending a shock though my body at the sudden contact.
I pushed my frail and broken body up with one last effort to try, only to be shoved back down with a sweaty socked foot that belonged to my dad. Silents tears streamed down my face and I breathed in his minty breath as he neared my ear to whisper,
"This is what happens when you make me mad."