After that i went up to my room while he went to tell the lads. I went straight to my bathroom and locked the door. I quickly took my hood off and stared. What if he is only "dated" me because he felt sorry for me? I stared at myself, all my scars... me being anorexic... i turned side ways and looked at myself. I'm not even that skinny! I'm the fattest person here, even Demi was skinnier. I grabbed my phone and logged on to my website. It's where anorexic people help each other, well, you know.?
I logged on typing "Help!"
ButterflyAna: What's wrong?
SKINi'mIN: I feel so fat. This guy just asked me out but i feel like he is only doing so because he feels sorry for me!
ButterflyAna: Don't let him control you. Guys only date us because they feel sorry.
SKINi'mIN: What am i supposed to do?
ButterflyAna: Don't let him help you. Be in control. You can do this.
SKINi'mIN: But i really like him and ..
ButterflyAna: And nothing. I am the one helping you. Only listen to me. You trust me right? i can help you loose weight. To feel beautiful.
SKINi'mIN: I trust you..
"Alex?" I heard Niall ask, entering the room. I quickly logged off and unlocked the door. "Yeah?" "What are you doing?" I quickly put my hood back on and opened the door. "Nothing?" I walked out and went to my bed. He stared after me and sighed. "Well are you hungry?" He asked. "No. I ate earlier." I lied and laid down. "You sure... i don't remember seei-" "Ni. I'm fine." He seemed shocked that i snapped a bit. "Alright i believe you... i'll be right back." With that he got up and i just locked my door.
SKINi'mIN: I don't think i can do this anymore.
ButterflyAna: No! You must! Do you want to be fat?
SKINi'mIN: No but i have been doing this for too long. The guys are going to watch me eat.
ButterflyAna: Fine, go ahead and eat. When you are done just throw it all back up.
SKINi'mIN: Thats the thing. I'm tired of throwing up everyday.
ButterflyAna: You have worked way to hard to give up now.
I leaned my face in my hands. What am i supposed to do? I can't let her down, and i don't want Niall to notice... I looked up and Zayn was standing there. "Alex we want you to watch this movie with us." I gave him a weird look but he just grabbed my hand. They didn't have to tell me what the movie was about. Its was about this girl and her brother. The sister finds this website about Anorexic people who help each other loose weight. Like similar to the website i use... they don't know. The brother is secretly anorexic and the parents don't notice... he dies and the sister slowly recovers.
After the movie i just look at them. "This won't help me..." I looked at the guys. "We can help." I just got up and went up the stairs... knowing they are following. I just got my phone out. i can't
SKINi'mIN: I'm done with this.... i want to be healthy again.
ButterflyAna: Your not going to let some guy change everything are you? You worked way to hard to give it up!
I just sat on my bed and looked around the room, then to the guys.
ButterflyAna: You are too fat for your friends! They will only get rid of you if you gained more weight.
Harry walked over and sat down next to me and read the phone screen.
SKINi'mIN: I'm done. I'm deleting my account.
ButterflyAna: Don't listen to me then. If you ever come back use the same user name or something.
SKINi'mIN: I'm not coming back. With that i deleted my account and looked at Harry, with tears in my eyes. He just hugged me, not saying anything. I'm going to be huge pain in their arse. Niall came on the other side of me and hugged me also. "We can and will help you." Niall said, looking me in the eyes. I nodded. "Lets kind of get started, go get some food Louis."
2 weeks later.....
Since that night.... i feel great. Like i can do anything! With the lads help i am not a bag of bones anymore. I am close to the right weight for my age and Niall didn't break up with me. She was wrong... i can't believe i worshiped her. Right now we are sitting down by the pool.
"Alex, c'mon! Take your clothes off and swim." Liam said. I had my swim suit on underneath but i didn't want to swim. "Why.." Niall swam over to me while the others just dropped it and splashed each other. "Love c'mon... please swim..." He asked me with the cutest face ever.... But i can't. I might have stopped being anorexic... but... "No. Silly." He just got out of the pool and threw me in with my clothes on. I Had to pretend this doesn't hurt. The chemicals were stinging against my arms.
"Really Ni?" I laughed out. "Yep." I kept my arms above the water as i walked over to the edge of the pool and climbed out. "I am going inside." I walked to the door and shut it behind me. I quickly took the hoodie off and put it in the dryer. They can't see..... When i turned the corner Ni was standing there, so i crossed my arms. "Ni. i need to put a shirt on you know." He half smiled. "You didn't stop. Did you?" I pretended to be confused, but i looked down my side and saw some blood running from my arms. "I don't have to explain myself to you." I walked past him, only for him to accidentally grab really tight around my wrist, making me yelp a little. He quickly let go. "I'm sorry... You need to let me clean this up." He said looking at his bloody hand.
I sighed and nodded. He wiped his hand off and grabbed a towel and he cleaned my arms then wrapped something around them. "you can still swim... they are water proof.." He said, looking at me. "Yeah now the lads will know." I said crossing my arms over my chest. "They won't care. C'mon." He grabbed my hand and we walked out there, i put my arms behind my back as we walked. "She finally getting in?" Louis laughed out. "Yeah but.. be careful." He mumbled the last part. Harry looked over at me, i just kept my arms behind my back for a minute, then crossed them over my chest. "We will be careful.." Zayn said, looking at my arms. I just went to the edge of the pool and watched them splash around, but Niall came over to me. "Babe.. c'mon..." He held is hand out for me, i slowly took it and got into the warm/cold water. Harry kept looking at me.. seeming sad.
Why would Harry care....
Yes i know i haven't been updating.
i only have 10 or 11 days left of school then i have all summer.
Well, kind of.
I'm going to be taking drivers ed this summer, i was supposed to do it a year ago but i got lazy... so. I should still have plenty of time to update. :D
Thanks for being patient
if you have Facebook and want to like another 1D page can you type this link and like our page? we had 300+ likes but we had to restart so we have... around 100.