What seemed like forever...

I wave at them as I leave. I know I wont see most of them again. But is there a chance? No. I wont survive this. I wont see their faces again. Their smiles, laughs, silly inside jokes that I will never be a part of. Now I know how much I mean to them. Most cried. Others stood by, looking shaken. And then I got taken away. The ambulance drove without lights, or sirens, because they know it´ll be a while. A while before I´m gone. Dead.


2. The friends I seek

The doorbell rang. It echoed through the entire house, leaving me shivering. I was cold to the bone, and a chill rolled down my spine, like morning dew in the sunlight. I knew who it was. It could only be her. I turned off the faucet that was still running, and put down the glass that was slowly slipping out of my hand. "Just a sec..." My voice echoed through the house, sending another wave of shivers through me. I ran to the door, checking myself in the mirror first. Pale, just as I had been the last couple of months. Madeline smiled at me as I opened the door, but then frowned when she saw the look on my face. "I know it's a bit rushy... But we need to talk." She didn't say anything, just nodded, understood, in a way that I would never be able to. "I'll call Zara..." I stepped a side as she walked in, and she dialed up Zara. This was it. 

Their faces were as pale as my face was. They said nothing. They didn't need to. I knew what they were thinking, feeling. I knew that they were hurting more than I could ever imagine. The tears slid down Madeline's cheeks as I kept on talking, apologizing again and again, telling them that time was a bitch, and that it was counting down my life, five months. 

We hugged. It felt like forever since we had done that. I could feel that they were slowly slipping away from me, and that I would be too weak to do anything about it. Time seemed to go slower than normal, and Madeline's tears had no end. I knew this would come as a shock to her the most. Zara was shocked too, of course, but she had that icy ring to everything, could shut out anything she didn't want to hear. Yet I knew she was listening more than ever. A silent tear slid down her cheek and down her neck, leaving a thin black line of mascara. I knew that I wouldn't have much time left on my own, the doctors would come in a few days to pick me up. But I knew I couldn't leave my mess to mom, and I knew that the girls needed closure. I just didn't know how to give it to them. 

When we finally broke out of the hug, the sun had fallen, and dusk was upon us. They promised to visit me in the hospital, to send me cards, and to never forget me. I knew that certain promises were best not to make, and I knew that it would kill them to see me, lying there in a hospital bed, looking paler for each day that went by. I felt like I wanted to cry, but I had wasted them all while talking on and on with every single person that I loved. 

I loved my friends. I loved my mother.

In the big bad world, I only loved three people. But I loved them with all my heart.

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