33. 30. Harry
"i mean i usualy go for girls who already decided on me and not on others, and on girls who realy want me and not the fame" zayn spat out in a serious tone. now he has realy gone to far. I knew i made lots of mistakes but she?
"Let her out of this! I know it's all MY fault but it was never hers."
"she broke his heart! And you know Bro's before hoes! and Niall is defenitly your and my brother!"
"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??? YOU CALL HER A HOE???" he already crossed every line. i jumped up grabbed him by his collar and pushed him against the tourbuswall.
"she fucked you right after she and niall got a couple. that's what i call a hoe, bitch, cunt whatever." he doesn't seemed scared at all he seemed still to be high, what the hell have he smoked?
"She don't wanted to fuck me, OKAY?" i felt how all his muscles flexed and pushed me away. he can he always switch between high and clean? i mean it shouldn't be like that.!
"so you raped her or what?" he said it half as joke half serious. he tried to laugh but it was very fake. He doesn't wanted me to be someone who rape other girls. He rather want her to be the bitch.
"Yes." he shook his head and went to his bag. he pulled out a little bag. he started to roll a joint or cigarret. i wasn't sure but i could swear i saw how his hands shook with every move and breathe he made you could feel how uncomfortable he was. but i couldn't be angry at al. i guess i would do this too. of course i don't smoke but i would do everything to get me in an different status.
"I thought this angel is a bitch. i made her bad to niall. i told him she fucked you. While she was raped by YOU!" he shouted. i could ee tears swell up in his eyes. he always was very self-critical. he realy hates to do something wrong and the he never can say sorry enough. once he broked one of my cups and he excused thimself by buying me two new ones. maybe he's not bad as liam who would always feel guilty for that and would have bought me two plates and cutlery. but i gues already zayn does much to much. as i got out of my thoughts i already heard a door swum closed and saw a shadow of Zayn vaish away in the reflexion.
i saw his joint laying on the floor. he wanted to be clean. He likes her too. he felt pain in any way. but he don't want to accuse somebody wrong. he was always accused on his own and he knew how i felt he never wanted anybody lse to be accused by himself. but he did. he broke one of his rules. I never wanted to hurt her. this beautiful girl maybe right now she was lying in his arms. in Nialls. he deserves her. I don't. Everything was easy, but at the same time everything feels so wrong, so hard, too hard to handle for me. i picked up the joint and searched for a lighter in zayns bag. i found one and put it on. i deeply inhaled everything and hoped the pain would wash away. i forced myself not to cought and breathed it out. i took a few drags and put it out again. it doesn't tasted that well. i never would do it again but i wanted to be realaxed as zayn. i needed this now.