i heard niall slamming against the door.
"What happened? OPEN The DOOR! Please, com'on let me help you princess. whatever you've done i will forgive you!" i shook my head. i knew he would forgive me but i can't forgive myself for enjoying just a second of what harry have done to me. it would split nialls heart into thousands of pieces. i have hurt him. i will hurt him always. it will hurt him to see me. i will hate me even he will say he don't.
"it's harry." i sobbed quiet. but i was sure niall heard it. he stopped slamming against the door and i could hear liam talking to niall.
"no. no she would never do that. i mean why would she look up in my room if she love harry? it musst be something else." i heard him walking up and down the room. how could liam know about? he doesn't know the complete thing. if he would why does niall reacts like this?
i heard agan a knock on the door.
"ruth? are you in there? i think you need to tell us the truth about your Feelings " it was zayn. he said feelings like it was not serious. he said it with sarcasm. he doesn't seem to like me anymore. he thought i am a bitch. i am. i let harry have sex with me. i should have tryied more to get of him. if i would he couldn't have done ... everything.
i got out of the shower. my clothes were wet. i haven't put them of. they doesn' even were put on like they shoud be. my shirt was completly slipped over my shoulder. my top underneath wasn't there at all. it still must be at harry's and after this shower i defenitly look like a hooker or something like that. but i opened the door. thank for god i haven't put make up on.
everybody had defenitly expected something different. i couldn't deal with ll those mixed feelings and gazes.
"i'm sorry, niall. i never wanted to hurt you and i love you. it was my fault. i should have done more. but i was to weak. i am sorry." i cryied and run out of the room. out of the building. i run to the station. but i don't wanted to get home. i was ashamed. i ruined everything. i wanted to cry so hard and so i did. i jumped into a line and just drove sat on the floor and sobbed. i sat there for some houres. i wasn't sure how long it realy took but it felt long. suddenly i felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Ruth?" i looked up to a familliar face. a friend of mine. we were in primary school and he used to be my crush. he got a close friend to mine. his short dirty blod hair was messed up unusualy.
"what are you doing here?" i asked with a weak voice. i sounded like a mouse because of all crying.
"i should ask that to you? i am here because i wanted to visit you but your sister told me you were with one direction and now i wanted to get to a friend of mine to go to bed. and why the hell are you siting here on the dirty floor of a line crying instead of being with your favourite band?"
he lifted me up on my feet and pulled me out of the line. i had no clue where i was but i guess i just have to look around me. i gave a damn for everything. i wanted to die. i had broke nialls heart. i promised myself to mess up everyone who hurts him and now i was about to do this. i will mess up myself. i felt a jacket around my shoulders. i looked into a grey pair of eyes.
"What happened? you can tell everything to me, ruth and you know that. at least we are going to get married and then i will find it out too." i giggled.
"i think i wont get that old." seth furrowed his eyebrows.
"30 is not an old age and i will wait for you to make our pact work.or are you ill?"he softly grabbed my shoulders and gave me a worried look.
"i have cheated on niall and it hurt him. so i will mess up myself because i promised to mess up everyone who hurt him" his face went serious.
"what happened? tell me everything" we sat down on a bench infront of the station. i started to tell him the story. and he sat quietly and listened.
"...so he took me to his room and i expected he would talk but he-" my phone rang. it was an unknown number. i don't wanted to pick up and just stared at it. seth grabbed it and answered.
"phone of ruth, who's that?" i heard a loud voice answering. seth stood up giving me a sign to stay.
"she is with me. who's that?" he answered calm.
"she's not in the right mood for this shit. and now tell me who's that!"
"what do you think how she is? she just got raped by your friend. i would guess she's completly perfect." i flished at the word. i realised what happened. i knew i never wanted it but i wasn't even able of thinking was it actually was. harry raped me. i was impressed how well seth knew me, just by a few of my words he exactly knew what happened.
"belive i or not. i know what i am seeing."
"come here and look yourself. and what do you think by let her ran out in completly wet clothes? do you think it's funny with wet cothes? you want to et her ill and die outside at this temperature? you are a nice friend" he said and ended the call. he turned to me and put his arm around my shoulders.
"we are going to my friend. there you can sleep. and i'll give you some dry clothes"
so we did. his friend was called frank and he lived near the station. he was about 19 i guessed and he seemed to be an cousin or something of seth. i was lying on his couch in a shirt of seth and joggingns of frank. they got me a can of cacao and argued but shortly after it seth returned to me sat beside me until i fell asleep.