"You know, you're probably the best boyfriend ever." I said linking my hand with Alex's. It was Valentines Day and he took me to an ice skating rink. I called it cheesy but he called it romantic. But I guess that's why he's the best. I liked all the cheesy things that he did for me. He never did this with his past girlfriends, It made me feel special.
"Only the best for you." he replied in a strange baby talk voice. He kissed me lips and pulled me off the ice. "It's pretty late and they are closing soon." I mumbled back a 'mhm' and took off my skates. "You looked really cute out there."
"I fell on my ass like six times. That’s not cute at all." I pouted at him making sure to poke out my bottom lip extra far and giving him big puppy dog eyes.
"I'm sorry, Jacky" he said and kissed my nose.
"Stop being cheesy." I half heartedly complained.
"Then stop being cute" he said and kissed my lips this time. "Did you like this valentines adventure?"
"You're so weird" I chuckled. "But yes. It won't amount to last year. But then, again, I don't know what will"
"I think you need to remind me what we did last year." He slipped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him. "I seem to have forgotten"
"You know what we did." I blushed facing away from him.
"Maybe, but I need you to tell me" Alex said pushing his nose into my cheek and kissing my jaw. "Tell me, and we can do it again tonight" dammit. I can't refuse that.
"It was the first time we slept together," I mumbled under my breath.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear what you said"
"I hate you" I said and kissed him. "We slept with each other" I said a little bit louder.
"That'd a boy." He moved his arm from my waist and cupped my cheeks kissing me. My hand were on his sides keeping him close to me and kissed him back. "Now lets go home so we can do it again." I nodded and we returned our skates and got in the car.
God, I hated the winter. I was always a little carsick but during the winter it got about ten times worse. I was always afraid to get stranded somewhere in the cold, or get in a crash. Although the chances are slim, it's still 100% possible, and that really scared me. Alex tried holding my hand when he noticed I was shaking a little. But I wouldn't let him. I'd rather shake than risk getting in an accident. So Alex just continued to drive straight.
We were on the road for about fifteen minutes and it was really starting to snow outside. Everything look white, I don't know how Alex was even driving right now. I guess it was all just guessing. I was looking out my window and I dim headlights through the snow. They were coming faster than my brain could even register. "Alex!" I screamed before everything went black...
"I'm so sorry" I heard Alex say. I tried to move my body or open my eyes, anything, but I couldn't. I felt like I was strapped down or paralyzed. I was really sore. Why couldn't I move? I was scared. I can't remember anything. What the fuck is going on? Everything was so black.
"Please, please tell me he's going to wake up!?" I heard Alex's please and a sob. Why was he crying? I just wanna open my eyes and look at him and see if he’s okay.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Gaskarth. It seems that Jack had Slipped into a coma early this morning." I heard a much deeper voice say. A coma!? How was a still able to hear everything? Everything was so distant and so unreal but yet, it was real. I would have waken up by now, right?
"Will he wake up?" He sobbed again. I can't imagine his face right now. Just by the sound of his voice, he was breaking.
"We're not sure." The other man, who I'm assuming is the doctor, replied. "Patients wake up all the time from accidents like this. Sometimes in days, weeks, months. And in some cases, years. Mr. Barakat is stable right now. But there is no telling if-"
"When." Alex cut off and corrected the doctor.
"When, Jack will wake up. I'm very sorry, Alex" then I heard foot step and they got farther and farther away.
I heard sobs coming from Alex. It sounded like he pulled a chair closer to the bed. I could feel him grab my hand and squeeze it lightly. I wanted so much to just be able to hold his hand right now. I was so scared. Alex was in such bad shape, just wanted to wake up and tell him I was okay, but my body wouldn't let me.
"Hi, Jack." I hear Alex say. I grinned from ear to ear... Well on the inside. I still couldn't move. "You've been in a coma for a month..." I heard his voice go down. I didn't even know it's been a month, it felt like a day or too.
"I miss you so, so much, baby." I felt his lips press against the back of my hand. I wanted to break into tears. I wanted to kiss him back.
"This was all my fault... I'm so, so, so sorry." He choked oh his tears. No, Alex, you didn't do it. It's not your fault. I wanted him to know that... But I can't.
"Everyone at home misses you too. Your parents, mine, Rian and Cass, Zack, people at school... me" fuck. I feel so horrible. "You were kind if the light of everyone, Jacky." He held my hand tighter. "Please wake up." I wish I could Alex. I'm trying.
For hours, at least I think, Alex would sit there and have our one sided conversation. No matter how much I wanted to reply, I can't. But he always kept talking. You know how when you're forced to hide emotions, and so how that makes them so much worse? That's how I feel. Only I could run in my room and hide. I was trapped in the black hole. I could feel the emotion in my chest, but it wouldn't come out. It was almost painful, but I can't change it. But I need too.
Time didn't seem to exist. I didn't know what day it was. I didn't know the time, whether it was dark or light. It was like I was sleeping and I couldn't wake up. I would drift in and out. Sometimes I can feel my body wanting to wake up when Alex started talking, sometimes he was in the middle of talking to me and I'd wake up. I had no perception of time. Alex told me date and it confuse me how I could be asleep for a month. I don't know, but I was happy the Alex kept coming to talk to me. I don't know if I could handle all this silence. It killed me when he cried.
"Do you know what today is, Jack" he left a small pause for me to answer, I could, but wouldn't know. No. I thought to myself. I didn't even know what month it was anymore. But he started talking as if he could read my thoughts. "It's May 27..." He sounded broken. I didn't know what the date had to do with anything.
"Exactly two years ago today, I asked you to be my boyfriend. You were 14. but that didn't matter." I was able to hear him choke back his sobs. It really, honestly broke me... How could I not even recognize the date? I killed me that I couldn't kiss him and celebrate our anniversary.
"Why aren't you awake... Please wake up, Jacky." He held my hand and place his lips on it. I wanted ten on mine though. Everything felt so empty in my own head. my memories were shot. I could only remember things if someone else would say something. No matter how much I tired I couldn't remember anything.
"I brought some new flowers for you. The room seemed so bland so I had my mom drive by the flower shop before here." I could hear a smile in his voice. And that made me happy."I don't know if you can ever hear me, but... I love you, Jack. So, so much. It hurts to see you like this." It was quiet for a while after that. At least I thought it was. Alex might have been talking the whole time and I didn't even know it.
"Alex sweety," I heard a woman's voice come from somewhere in the room. "How is he?"
"He's okay..." His voice was quiet. "I really, really miss him though."
"I know hunny. I do too. You always looked so happy with him." I internally smiled. I was quiet for a little bit longer until Alex's mom spoke again. "It's time to go, hun. The hospital is closing. I'll bring you back this weekend to visit it, okay?"
"Can't I please stay just a little bit longer?" I Alex pleased with her.
"Alex, you know I would let you but its closing and I can't let you stay here. Come on." I'm assuming that Alex just nodded and got up because I didn't hear his voice again and his foot steps were fading.
A few seconds later I heard them running back. "I love you, Babe. Happy anniversary" He said and felt his lips on my cheek, making that spot feel warm. Then I heard his feet leave again.
"Would kidnapping you from the hospital be illegal?" He laughed. His laugh was cute. I could listen to it all day. "I wanna spend your 17th birthday together. Outside of these suffocating walls. You're supposed to be celebrating. But instead you're in here." He was right. I've been waiting so long to turn 17 and finally be able stuff that normal 17 year olds do... Not much but still.
"I'm sorry that I'm being negative here. It's just hard not having you around so much. But guess what?" He chuckled to himself. "You can't answer, sorry." I heard a few shuffling noises and a zipper. "I wrote you a song. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. 'Stop being cheesy' but shut up. I like being cheesy for you. It just how I've been handling this whole thing." I heard him strum a few cords. "Hopefully the hospital won't be mad at me for this." He said and started playing.
It wasn't very often I got to hear him play or sing. He loved it and he was good at it, but he was always shy to do it in front of people. I guess I would be too. I didn't know the song he was playing though. Well duh, he just wrote it. Its was really good though. Alex had an amazing voice. When the song came to an end, I heard a few people clapping. I guess they didn't matter if he played or not. Whatever song he played made me happy. I just wish I could show it to him. Hug him. I was really starting to miss this.
I was so lonely all the time. Even though I could hear Alex talking to be a lot, I couldn't talk back or move. Everything was so dark as I drifted in and out. It was like some surreal nightmare that I just wanted to end. But luckily Alex was here again.
"It's my birthday today. I know you and say happy birthday but I know you're thinking it." I am. "I'm finally 18. I've saved up a lot of money from working the past few months. I can't wait till you wake up. Well wait a couple more years and we can move out of our parents house and move in a small apartment together." I can't wait Alex.
"God I miss you." Alex groaned. "Remember my seventeenth birthday?" He chuckled. I could hear the smile in his voice thinking back at the memory. I smiled too, even though he couldn't exactly see it. "we had sex probably 4 times. You felt so guilty about not getting me a present, you let me have you." I remember that.
"Honestly Jack, it's all I wanted anyway. I didn't care about gifts. Those are just things. I just wanted you, sex or not." He paused. "But the sex does help." He laughed and I felt his hand grip mine. Why!? I'm better off just not hearing this. It's not a sad memory, it's sad I can't do anything about it. I wanna kiss him and hug him and tell him happy birthday. Life really is a luxury.
"Happy Valentines, baby." Alex cheered. I don't know if he just got her or he's been here. "I got new roses and tulips since I know you like them. I got a new vase too. I though it needed a change." I wish I could see them. "I even got chocolate. You can't eat them but I will." He laughed. It was strange being in the dream like state. I never ate or drank, or slept or woke up. It was weird. Maybe they were feeding me on the outside and I just didn't know it.
"You've been in a coma for a year now... Ug" I heard him hit the bed pretty hard. "Just wake up! I need you Jack." He had a long pause.
"Rian and Cass are worried about me... They say that I spend too much time here and it's bringing me down. But I'd rather be down and here with you than miserable without you." My Herat wanted to explode. I wanted to run and hide, curl in a ball. I never wanna make Alex feel like this. I know it's not my fault, but at the same time it felt like it was.
"I don't know how I'm sieving without you." Me mumbled. it felt like he was by my ear. it was a really long silence till I heard anything else.
"Alex, dear. The hospitals closing." A man said. I guess it was a doctor. It's didn't sound like his father. If it was he would have had a distinctive British accent.
"Can I just have a second longer?" He asked. "Please?" It almost sounded like he was gonna cry.
"Since its valentines day, sure. But make it quick."
"I don't wanna go." Alex sighed. "I love you, Jacky. So, so much." A second later I felt his lips on mine. My heart raced and I wanted desperately to kiss him back. It honestly broke me into so many pieces that I could do anything. It was a terrible pain in my chest.
Sometimes I felt like I was waking up. It was that feeling you get when you're sleeping and you know you're waking up. I just wanted to open my eyes and really see what was around me. I wanted Alex to be there and I wanted to see him. I wanna know if he's changed in the time I've been away. He graduated early. He came around more often. I loved it but at the same time I wanted him to go. I didn't want him to spend his time in the hospital. But he may be the only thing keeping me alive. I've heard doctors talk about how when he was around my heart beat was more normal and regular. But when he was gone, I could be lost forever.
"Good morning, Jacky." I heard my boyfriend walk in. "Happy 18th birthday. I wish you could be awake to see it." He told me. It kinda made me sad. I never even got to be seventeen. I wonder how much I changed. I know I'm alive and my body works I guess. It's strange things like that, that made me wonder. Did someone shave my face if I got to scraggly? How do they know if I'm hungry? It's crazy.
"It's a hospital and you are exactly awake so finding something I could bring in and give to you was hard. I changed your flowers. Like I do every time I come in." I heard a strange ruffling sound. "I wrote you a song instead. I don't know how well you can hear. If you can at all. But I started writing more and more. Mostly about you. And I wrote a song for you."
I heard a few strums before he started playing. In all honestly, I didn't know what he was saying. It was weird. Sometimes I could hear him perfect, and sometimes it was this strange distant noise. But I could hear him. Alex always had a beautiful voice. When I was sick he would come over and sing to me. Kind of like a child but I loved it. The song came to an end and I heard faint clapping.
"That was really good, Alex." a woman said and so did a few others. He thanked them and all noise stopped.
"I hope you liked it too Jack." I did. He kept talking. I don't know how he found so much to talk about. He mention Zacks new girlfriend. He said that's she's really nice and wants to meet me if-when I wake up.
Alex had been talking to me about graduation. He graduated early but he still had the ceremony with the school. I have a lot of catching up to do, missing about two years of school. Alex stopped talking being interrupted by someone.
“Mr. Gaskarth.. Can I speak with you for a moment?” A deep voice came through the room.
“Sure.” Alex mumbled. It almost sounded like he was scared. I would be too if a doctor wanted to speak with me.
“We have already spoke with Mr. Barakats parents. They said that you get to make the final decision since you also signed the medical forms when you turned 18 as an emergency contact.” It was quiet for a second before the doctor continued talking again. “We think it’s time that we pull the plug on Jack.” The doctor said quietly. I was scarred. I wasn't gone, I've been here the whole time but I can't wake up. Please don't make him do this.
“What?” Alex whisper yelled to the doctor. “You want to pull the plug? No. I'm not letting you. That is my fucking boyfriend in that bed. You’ve even said it yourself that hes doing better and when I'm around that his heart or something is better. You can just tell me that you want to pull the plug on that.”
“Alex what you have to understand is that, he may never wake up. Yes he was doing better than before. But those chances of him waking up are very slim still.”
“I don't fucking care!” Alex interrupted him again. “That is my boyfriend in that bed. I love him with everything that I have and more. I refuse to let you do this. Hes still alive and I'm not gonna let go until he wakes up.” What Ales had just said honestly made my heart swell. I love him to and if I could get up right now and prove that doctor wrong I would.
“Okay, we won't pull the plug on him.” The doctor said in a more calming voice.
“Thank you.” Alex mumble. If I knew anything by now, Alex was crying. He always held his tears in around people. Hes only ever cried in front of me. I couldn't imagine having this kind of decision to make.
“I'm not gonna let them take you, Jacky.” He said kissing my hand. “I love you.” I love you too.
“holidays make me sick without you, Jack.” Alex said. he sounded tired. Sometimes I wish he would just leave and sleep. Do something other than be cooped up in a hospital room all day. “I'm thankful you're still alive. Please wake up Jack. Everything is getting harder without you. I always feel so empty. When I'm sad I can't just pick up the phone and call you. I can't go over to your house everyday and just lay there playing video games and talking. I can't kiss you whenever I want too. Its hurts so much.” Maybe I drifted out. Or he just stopped talking. But it was quiet for a really long time. He went out less and less. maybe he had less to talk about.
I want him to just go outside and hang out for a while. I wanna slap some sense into him. I couldn't handle myself if I knew that he was falling into some sort of depression because of this. Because of me. I hate this. He would squeeze my hand and I wanted so desperately to do the same. I pissed me off so much that I couldn't do the same. It hurt so fucking bad. I would rather just die right now that fell this… But I couldn't. That would hurt Alex even more. I would never do that to him. So I stay hanging on. Its hard sometimes, but, I'm not letting go.
“Two years, Jack. I've been coming to see you for two years now.” God. I can't believe that it has been this long already. But everything felt the same. Like it had two years ago. “The doctors talked to me again about pulling the plug but I told them that I wasn't going to. I don't care how many jobs I need to work, what I need to do to make money. I'm keeping you alive.” thank you, Alex.
“When you wake up, I'm gonna hug you and kiss you. Its been two years since I got to kiss anyone.” he chuckled a little. “I remember three years ago today. I remember just like it was yesterday.” I could tell he was smiling. and it made me smile too. “We slept together the first time. You were only 15 and I was 16. We were young and In love. My mom cursed me out when I told her I slept with you. She told me young love rarely last. But yet here I am today, In love with you just as much, if not more.”
“I remember you being really scared. But I never forced you. We made out for maybe four hours before you decided you were ready. But I waited. For you. It didn't matter that I was ready to fuck your brains out.” He teased. Even with me in this coma state, I would be surprised if he saw a blush on the outside. He loved doing that to me and I loved it too. “We went really slow. I guess you had a little bit of a pain kink. You wanted me to go faster even though I knew it hurt a little. I didn't mind though.” There was that long defining paused again.
“When you wake up and we go home. I'm gonna put in home alone. I was never a fan of that movie because you watched it so much. But I watch it sometimes just to have you with me. But when you get home, we're going to cuddle and watch it together. I wanna know if you still knew all the words.” Haha, I probably did. Who could ever forget that movie? Its the best thing ever created. “I brought you Kevin doll today too. For comfort if you wake up and I'm not here. I can't wait till you get back home.”
My body had felt really strange all day. It felt like it wanted to move but it didn't have the strength too. It was a really weird feeling. Its was like I was being pulled out of some kind of dream. I tried to hold on afraid of what would happen. I knew Alex was here. Probably sleeping, he told me he was tired. But the feeling wouldn't stop. It got stronger and stronger till...
I felt my eyes twitched as they opened. Everything was white and bright. I heard beeping noises. I blinked hard a few more times so I could see clearly. I moved up noticing I was in a hospital bed. I had no clue how I got here… or why. I moved around making a small noise in the back of my throat. It felt so weird, like I haven't talked in forever. There was another person in the room as well. Looked about my age. He head resting on the bed by me. His caramel colored hair covering most of his face. He looked up at me and blink before his eyes went wide.
“Jack!” He exclaimed and jumps up wrapping his arms around my neck and holding me to his chest. “Baby, I’m so happy you’re awake.” To say I was confused was a little bit of an understatement. I didn't know what to say to him. Thankfully a doctor came in. The boy let go of me and cupped my face. “Do you remember me?” I shook my head no slightly. The boy looked completely heart broken. The doctor that came in as for him to back away for a moment. He did sitting in the chair against the wall.
“Hello. It’s about time you woke up.” the doctor said to me and made the bed tilt up a little so I was sitting up easier. “Do you mind if we do a few test on you?” He asked. I nodded. “Okay, can you tell me you full name?”
“J-” I felt like a complete idiot. I couldn't pronounce the last part of my name. and in all honesty, it scared me a little.
“Hey, Jack. Its okay. Go slow.” I nodded. “Now, tell me your name.”
“Jack.” I paused for a second. “Jack Bassem Barakat.”
“Good. No can you tell me your birthday. and how old you are?”
“June 18. I'm 16.” I glanced over that the other boy sitting in the chair with his hand over his mouth. He looked like he was about to cry.
“Okay. Jack, you’re actually 18 now. You’ve been in a coma for two years.” My jaw dropped. I mumbled a how. “You and your boyfriend, Alex” he said pointing to the other boy. “Got in a car accident two years ago. The hitting car smashed into your side and put you in a coma. Its actually a miracle you woke up at all.” As the doctor finished talking the other boy Alex got up and ran out of the room. I felt bad for him. He look so broken. “Your mom is going to come in in a couple hours okay. and shes gonna talk to you. It’s normal to forget things after what you went though. Some of your memory was damaged. Even people you’ve known for years can be gone.” It was a scary thing to be told. but someone had to tell me I guess.
The doctor let me lay back down and I was quiet till faint knock on the door went through the room. “Hi.” Alex said.
“Hi.” I mumbled back. He just kind of just of stood there. I told him to come in and he sat on the bed in front of my. “I'm really sorry Alex. You look so familiar but I i-can't.”
“its okay.” He stopped me from stuttering. “Do you remember anything? About me or anything?” his bottom lip was quivering.
“The last thing I remember was..” I stopped thinking. I don't know. I can't remember. I thought harder. “I remember going on a date.” I said and looked up at him. “I don't know who or when. I just remember that it was a date.”
“Where was it?”
“Ice skating or roller skating. One of them.” He smiled but I was still confused. “What?”
“that was our date. The same day we got hit. I took you out for valentines day. One our way home a guy crashed into us. I had only minor injuries though.”
“oh.” was all I could really say. “How long were or have we together?”
“two years of you being in the hospital. One before that, we slept together. And one year before that. You were about 14ish when I asked you out. and I was 15ish.”
“That young?” he nodded. “oh. A long time them.”
“yeah.. I loved you. I still do. More than anything.” He stopped taking a breath.
“I don't know if I love you. But I do feel something there. Everything is so familiar but at the same time so distant.” We talked for a while. He jogged little things out of my memories; inside jokes, movies, songs, friends. I knew him. But, at the same time, it didn't. My mom came and talked to me too. and told me the same things. Its was crazy to just lose everything and not even know it.
“How was your birthday with your family yesterday?” Alex said sitting on my bed. I've been home for a while and haven't talked to Alex too much.
“Good. I kinda missed you though. I got kind of attached.” he smiled. “I have this song stuck in my head. But I can't find it online anywhere or anything.”
“How did it go?” he asked me. I sang, kind of, the lyrics to what I knew. He had a large grin spreading across his face. “What?” I asked when I stopped singing.
“That's the song I wrote you when you were in the hospital. You heard me. you could hear me in there.” I don't think I've seen him this happy.
“Can I try something?” I asked him a little nervously. he nodded to me and I scooted closer to him.
I put one of my hands on his hip and the other on his shoulder. I pulled him closer and pushed out lips together. He didn't hesitate to kiss me back. His hand cupped my cheeks and deepened the kiss. Everything felt so much better and right. I've been feeling so lost lately, Alex was the only really familiar thing there was. But air became a necessity and we pulled away. “I'm sorry.” I mumbled. She just shook his head at me and pulled me back to kiss him.
He slid his tongue in my mouth massaging my own. He pushed me back a little so I was on my back and he was on top of me. Every little kiss made me feel different. I had these little flashes of us kissing through my head. Like memories or maybe just fantasies. I just kind of blurted out what I said next. “I love you, Alex.” He pulled a little farther away from me and smiled.
“I love you too.” and he kissed again.
“I better be getting my memories back soon. I like you too much to forget.”
“I’ll help you get them back.” He kissed me again and again. “I’m so happy you're awake.”
A//N: Please ignore the spelling and grammar. I was pretty lazy when I was editing and i wanted to finish this. But I hope you liked it. Please comment and let me know. Thank you for reading :)