It's something I've considered for a while now. Just the question is, How? They keep me bottled up in this damn cell with a little bathroom and a twin size bed that's giving me back pain. I just wanna get out of this crappy place. Maybe everyone knows that too. Maybe that's what made them come. They know I've been in here so long, I was gonna break.
I sighed aloud at the stress I was under. I stumbled around as Martin dragged me to the psychiatrist to talk to. It's mandatory every patient talks to them. We walk up to the grey metal door with a tiny window that was currently blocked from anyone seeing inside. The patient in there wasn't comfortable having people walk by.
The metal door clicked opened and a skinny girl, who I think was anorexic walked out and looked at me. Her blue eyes pierced into my soul she looked scary. Her pale, frail body with bright blue eyes. Her blonde hair was a mess. In knots and flying everywhere. Mine is too, but I have a feeling here's has been knotted for a while. Her eyes were so intense I had to look away.
"Go on." Martin pushed me into the room, shutting the door and I instantly felt trapped. I fought the urge to bang on the door for him to open in it and get me out of here. I sat down in the black sofa as she sat in the chair in front of me.
This room was the most colourful one I've seen. With black walls and a black sofa. I was used to the usual grey, black looked like Orange to me. "Hello Mrs. Mahogany." She had curly orange hair, tanned skin, and she always wore red lipstick. "How are you feeling Chantelle?" She whispered.
"I'm really great actually. I'm happy for some strange reason." She smiled. "No problems with your mental or physical health?" Mahogany was also our health doctor. "No problems. I feel really good. Like unstoppable. Like no one can bring down my mood." I faked a smile. She grinned. "Chantelle I had a feeling that nothing was really wrong with you just the grieving, so I'm recommending that you leave this dump. Like today." My eyes widened. Forget Suicide! I'm getting out of this place!
"Thank you." I smile and she just laughs as we stand up. "I gotta go to the office and give them this info." I nodded and walked out parting ways. "Martin you were always a good guy. Just hanging around the wrong job." He laughed. He locked me up, but smiled first. "Good luck." With that he left. I found my new pair of jumpsuits to wear. I didn't change though. I'd be in my regular clothes soon. With regular people.
I sighed happily, who knew faking happiness could bring you actual happiness!
I'm not being very truthful with you guys at all. For a while now, I've been considering Suicide. It has nothing to do with you, or anything it's just that I hate living with myself. The burden that I am. I just hate everything about me. Ya know when I was born I could have been anyone then I turned out to be who I am today and I honestly hate that girl. I wanted to be those people who take chances and live life to the fullest and have the hugest confidence. But I'm not. Now you see where Chance came from. The more hatred I felt for myself the lower Chance's self esteem and confidence fell till we got here. I did almost kill myself last night but I didn't and I'm so glad I didn't. I had a note and everything written. But I knew I has to tell my parents. I could say it so fighting through my tears I gave it to them. Now they know. I don't know what's happening next but it doesn't feel right to lie to you. You're like my besties! I love every single one of you. I felt I should be honest cause you would have never known I'd died. No one knows I have Movellas so you'd never figure it out, so if I stop updating for like a year it's one of the three options:
1. My wifi is gone
2. Extreme Writers Block (I'd probably tell you this though)
3. I've killed myself.
But I love You guys and yeah.