I've always been such a good girl. I never skipped class. I've always gotten good grades. I never swore. I always stayed away from the druggies. I never partied. I've never even had a boyfriend. Of course, I've kissed a boy before, only one, and that's it. That's not even bad. I guess when you know you're going to die, everything changes. You change.
I get out of bed and and look at my clock. 7:49AM. My alarm will go off in one minute. I quickly unplug it and wrap myself up in my blanket. I know that today's Wednesday which means this is moms day off and she's going to sleep in. I could easily skip school. Plus, David won't be loud or disturb anyone, he knows to stay quiet in the mornings until mommy is awake.
What's the point in going to school when you're in grade ten and you have cancer? There is none. I might as well drop out now, it's not like I'm going to keep going. Honestly, nothing matters anymore. I can do anything I want. In a way, I feel more alive knowing that I'm a dead woman, than I've ever felt.
"Hayley sweety" I wake up to my mom shaking me gently.
"Mmm" I moan.
"Get up. It's two I'm the afternoon" she sits beside me.
"I'm up" I open my eyes.
"Did you skip school?" She says calmly. If I didn't have cancer she definitely wouldn't be calm about me skipping school.
"Yes" I look up at her. I feel like a should feel guilty, but I don't.
She just sighs and looks down at me, rubbing my arm. I can tell that she knows it too. She knows there's no point. She just gets up and walks out of my room.
I have a long shower today. Longer than usual. I take my time. I really wash my hair as best as I can. I make sure I feel every inch of my hair. I never really noticed how much I loved my hair until I realized that I wouldn't have it forever. I guess it's true you don't know what you have until it's gone.
After my shower, I get dressed, put on some music, and look at my notebook.
Number one: kiss a girl.
I think about it for a while. I've never even thought about another girl like that before. I don't know what washed over me last night, what made me think of this, but what ever it was, I'm going to complete this list before I die.
I walk downstairs to see my mom at the kitchen table reading a book and David watching Scooby Doo on the tv.
"Where do you think you're going?" My mom looks up at me.
"Out" I say, throwing a jacket on.
"Don't be out too late" she frowns.
"Why?" I put my boots on. "Don't wait up" I say when she doesn't answer, walking out the door.
Outside, it's cold. I fucking hate Canada. I look across the street at my big high school across the street. I pull out my phone and it reads 3:12PM, schools not out yet. I put a smile on my face and walk across the street. I don't bother to check for passing cars. I guess when you're put in my situation, your not scared of death anymore.
"Hayley?" My best and only friend Jessica says as I walk in the school.
"What are you doing out of class?" I ask her, smiling as she goes in for a hug.
"What are YOU doing out of class?" She lightly punches me in the shoulder.
"I asked first" I elbow her back.
"I had a spare so I went to the library and did some homework" she explains as we start wondering the halls.
"I have cancer" I say right before the bell rings, dismissing everyone. Her eyes go wide and she freezes, staring at me.
Oooookaaaaaayyyyyy so holy moly guys. I'm writing 4 books atm and it's all just like BAM in my face. It's so hard to keep up with. Like seriously sometimes when I'm writing, I get the characters names mixed up and I have to go to my blurb and make sure I have the right name hahahahah. Ok anyways. Shoutout to mah bestie: Nutellaer4life !!! Go read her books. She has two out right now but they aren't finished. Go be a fan and like her stories man!!! Ok yeah bye tho. Thanks for reading.