A little over 3 years ago I gave birth to Justin and I’s first child, Eleanor. She’s so perfect; she has brown hair, hazel eyes and the most perfect smile. She’s our little perfect.
Lately my doctor had been having me in for a lot of scrutinises. And today was one of them,
“Why does your doctor keep calling you in for these examinations?” Justin asked as he wrapped his arms around my from behind as I was getting ready.
“I don’t know Justin? But I thin today is the last one” I told him as I finished my mascara.
“I hope so, because Eleanor and I are getting worried” he said, then he pecked my cheek and let go off me.
I looked at myself in the mirror. I was wearing a pair of black jeans, a simply black top with a laced cardigan over it. My makeup was natural and my hair was just up in a ponytail. I walked downstairs and grabbed a granola bar before walking out to the hall to get on my shoes and my jacket. I was about to open the front door, when Eleanor called.
“MOMMY!” she yelled as she ran over to me, I smiled and picked her up.
“Hey princess” I told her as I smiled,
“Mommy, do you have to go?” she asked as she looked at me with her big brown eyes.
“I do baby, but when I get home we’re going to have so much fun!” I told her as I rubbed my nose against hers.
“Okay, I love you mommy” she smiled,
“I love you too, sweetie” I told her, and then I pecked her lips and sat her down.
“Bye Mommy” she yelled as I opened the door, Justin picked her up and blew me a kiss, I blew one back and then closed the door.
I parked my car outside the hospital and then walked inside. I announced my arrival and then sat down. My phone went off, so I took it out of my bag and unlocked it. Justin has sent me a SnapChat, so I went into the app and opened the snap. It was a picture of him and Eleanor eating breakfast as they were pouting, “We need you here!” the snap said, I smiled and then took a seflie,
“I wanna come home!” I wrote on it and then sent it to him.
“Y/F/N” Doctor Ann said as she looked around the room. I stood up and walked over to her, she gently smiled and we shook hands.
“Hey Y/N” she said as she guided me into the room.
“Hey Ann” I smiled; I sat down in one of the chairs and then looked at her.
“So Y/N, I have some bad news for you” Ann said as she looked at me. Immediately a big knot formed in my stomach.
“We’ve been calling you in for the examinations because we had an idea about you having breast cancer” she continued, my eyes widened and I covered my mouth.
“And sadly, we were right” she said, instantly I started crying.
“And because we noticed it this late, there’s nothing we can do” she continued,
“So, I’m going to die?” I asked her as I let out big sobs.
“I’m afraid so Y/N, I’m so sorry!” she said, I shook my head and then stood up.
“Do you know how long I have back?” I asked her as I found my car keys in my pocket.
“No, it’ll just happen someday” she said as she stood up, more tears slipped out and I walked out of the room. I exited the hospital and walked over to my car. I got in and immediately started bawling my eyes out. How could this happen? I mean, yes I felt the knot in my breast before, but I didn’t think it was something serious.
My crying slowed down and I turned on the engine and drove home.
As I arrived home, I dried my tears away and got out of the car.
I opened the front door and took off my jacket and my shoes before walking into the living room, where Justin and Eleanor was sitting. Luckily Eleanor was sleeping, so she wouldn’t notice me crying.
Justin looked up and started smiling, but when he noticed me crying, he stood up and made sure to place Eleanor gently on the couch again.
“Baby, what happened?” he asked as he embraced me in a hug.
“I have bad news” I told him as more tears ran down my cheeks.
“What is it?” Justin asked me as he continued to hug me.
“I just got diagnosed with breast cancer” I told him as my sobs got louder. Justin pulled out of the hug and started crying.
“Are you serious?” he asked as he dried the tears away.
“Yeah” I told him as I sat down on the floor.
“But, aren’t there anything they can do about?” he asked as he sat down beside me.
“No, they noticed too late, they can’t do anything, I’m going to die!” I told him, I placed my head on his chest and squeezed him.
“But, how long do you have back?” he asked as sobs left his mouth.
“No one knows, it’ll just happen one day!” I told him, apparently my sobs were too loud, because they woke up Eleanor.
“Mommy? Daddy? What’s happening?” she asked as she rubbed her eyes.
“Should we tell her?” Justin asked me, I nodded my head, she deserved to know, just not the true version.
“Yeah, but not the true version” I told him, Justin nodded my head and then stood up, he helped me up and then we sat down on the couch with Eleanor in between us.
“Sweetie, someday mommy won’t be here anymore! But it will be for the better, because she won’t feel the pain anymore” I told her as I wrapped my arms around her.
“Why mommy?” she asked as she started crying.
“Because it’s for the better baby! And I want you to remember that mommy loves you and she will always be with you, she will always be in here” I told her as I pointed at her heart.
“And when mommy won’t be here anymore, I don’t want you to be sad, I want you to live your life and remember that no matter how hard things get, I will be here, you just can’t see me” I told her.
*Justin’s POV *
A few months later, Y/N died, here at home surrounded by her loved ones. I was now alone with our three years old daughter, who didn’t understand what was happening.
I couldn’t bare living in our house anymore. So I moved into a smaller flat, where there still were enough rooms for Eleanor to get her own room, for me to get my own room and a living room, a kitchen and 2 bathrooms.
After I had woken up and got dressed, I walked into Eleanor’s room and woke her up.
“Good morning princess” I told her as I smiled down at her. She looked so much like Y/N, she was beautiful, and she was my little princess.
“Morning daddy” she told me as she smiled, she removed the covers from her body and then stood up in the bed and hugged me.
“Did you sleep okay baby?” I asked her as we continued to hug, she nodded her head and then I stood up.
“Wanna go visit Mommy’s cemetery plot today?” I asked her as I walked out to the bathroom and got her ready.
“Yeah” she said as she smiled, I smiled too and then pulled on some grey tights on her legs, an army-green dress with a grey cardigan over. Then I found a pair of army-green converse and then she was finished.
“Thank you daddy!” she said, and then she kissed my cheek and ran downstairs. I got up and followed her downstairs. I found us some captain-crunch and then after we ate, we left to go buy some of Y/N’s favourite flowers.
“Eleanor, do you remember mommy’s favourite flowers?” I asked Eleanor as we stood in the flower shop.
“Roses!” she smiled and then ran over to the roses. I nodded my head and then found the 5 most beautiful roses.
After we had paid, we left to go to the cemetery. It was a beautiful day, it was warm and the sky was blue.
We finally found Y/N’s cemetery plot, I bended down and placed the roses in front of her stone.
“Hey mommy” Eleanor smiled, “I miss you, but I remember you telling me not to be sad, so I’m not” she continued, I looked up at her and a tear ran down my cheek.
“Daddy and I moved and I got a really beautiful room, Daddy even let me help him decorate it,” she said as she sat down in the grass.
She found something in her pocket in her jacket.
“I made this drawing to you mommy, it’s you, me and daddy” she explained as she laid the drawing on the plot.
“When did you draw this baby?” I asked her as I placed her on my lap.
“I draw it when I was at grandma’s house” she smiled, I nodded my head, then I stood up and placed a kiss on Y/N’s stone, Eleanor did the same thing,
“I love you Y/N” I told her, then I placed a small box beside her stone. I had bought her an engagement ring right before she died, but I never got the chance to give it to her, so I forgot about it and now that I found it while we were moving, I decided to bring it and give it to her, here.
“What is that daddy?” Eleanor asked as we turned around to leave.
“That was a ring for mommy” I told her and then we left.
Tell me what you think!
I was crying when I wrote this one! It's crazy!
- Amalie xo