I went home and changed clothes. My mom followed me and she almost seemed worried.
"You're not home a lot." she said. I nodded and went into the bathroom. I washed me quickly under the arms and took some deodorant.
"I don't want to leave Sandra alone."
She looked at me with sad eyes and looked down at the floor.
"I read about the accident. There were drugs in the picture and the guy who drove the car was criminal."
I was grateful that she didn't know the whole truth. I stopped and looked at her. I knew why she was worried.
"Mom, I don't do drugs and they were no direct friends to her. Sandra isn't such a girl and she has changed."
I knew that my words wasn't enough. She thought I had fallen into the wrong gang and that I would be like them. I chose to give her a hug and took my arms lightly on her body.
"I promise that I'm not their friend."
She hugged me back.
"I trust you, but not her."
I sighed and released her. I smiled and looked at mom with kind eyes.
"Trust me and trust her!"
I took a deep breath and then went into my room. I found a shirt and then took on clean pants. Mom watched me all the time and she seemed to not like it all.
"So you will not be home tonight?"
I looked at her and didn't know if I would answer her. Yet, I chose to be honest.
"No, I will stay with her."
Sandra sat in the bed and she was waiting for me. I walked up to her and gave her a kiss before I sat down.
"How are you?"
She smiled and looked down at her hands.
"I spoke with Jeff."
I was cold all over and be prepared myself for anything. She seemed unsure and avoided my gaze.
Sandra chose still to look at me again. She was safe, but I saw doubt in her eyes.
"I broke up with him."
I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. At last she had made the right decision and she had taken the plunge out to do it. I was proud of her, but why wasn't she happy?
"But you did it?" I got out of me. Directly she nodded the head and stared at me.
"Yeah, but I was so scared. I thought he would scream, but he just lay there staring at me."
I took her hand in mine and smiled at her.
"Please don't go back to him. I promise to be with you whatever happens."
She nodded and swallowed.
"Niall, this is a big step that I took and I'm just scared."
I shook my head,
"You mustn't be afraid."
I wasn't sure. Was she glad that it was all over, or was she sorry she left him behind? I couldn't read her face and I didn't understand why she wasn't happy.
"I'm tired!" she whacked and immediately I did so that the blanket was over her body.
"You get to sleep. I will not bother you."
Sandra laughed a little bit and nodded.
I was scared! I was afraid of what I had left behind and I was afraid for the future. I knew Eleanor would take me in the wrong direction and that she would accuse me of a lot of things. Jeff had many friends and he would certainly tell them to keep an eye on me. I was afraid that he would figure out that Niall was my new boyfriend. I knew that things could be done against Niall, things that I couldn't control. The problem was that I didn't dare to warn Niall. He would think I was weird.
Niall crawled into bed, as always, and held me tight. I felt so safe in his arms and I didn't want to let go of him. Nevertheless, I continued to be worried and I knew that he couldn't calm me down. I was angry at myself. I had the most wonderful guy next to me, but still, I was like a freak and thought the world would perish. I hadn't much to lean back against. My parents hated me and I knew they didn't care. I had friends, but I knew they wouldn't like my choices. I just had Niall and the problem was that I didn't want to lock him to me. I wanted him to be free and that he would live his life without my influence. I didn't want to change him, but I saw that I did it anyway. He went from being a quiet guy, to a guy who said what he thought. In a way, I wanted him to toughen up, but at the same time not.