I wake up to Mommy's voice.
"Harry, honey, Mommy loves you," she says.
"Then why'd you interrupt my much needed 45th nap of the day?" I think to myself. I'm not old enough so I don't really talk...but I still expect a reply.
"Mommy loves you and Dada loves you," she continues.
"Not as much as I thought, apparently."
I hear the sound of the door creaking open. "Hullo? Who is it?"
Nobody answers me. Mommy puts me back down into my crib.
"Hey, hey! I'm not tired anymore, get me out!"
I hear the sound of Dada screaming. "Probably yelling at mommy for being so rude."
Someone starts up the steps. Mommy shrieks. "Take me, not him, leave him alone!"
"Wut O.o" I sit awkwardly, staring at the friggin gigantic (to me anyway) hooded figure. He pulled out a stick. Yes, a stick. How in the heck to you intimidate somebody with a stick?
Mommy, however, seems very frightened. She screams. All of a sudden, I see green light coming towards me. I think, for a moment, it's the spirit of all of my green veggies getting back at me because I didn't eat them, but then Mommy blocks the veggie spirits, falling to the ground.
"Mommy! Get up! This is not naptime! Hullo!? Stranger danger!!"
Then the hooded figure looks at me, his veggie-summoning stick pointed at my head. I get a small picture of what he looks like-
"Where in the heck is your nose????" I stare, disgusted. "I mean, how do you wear glasses? It must suck if you have bad eyesight. Oh, maybe you don't, because those veggie spirits are aimed pretty good at me! "NOO! DID THAT OFFEND YOU? I'M SO SORRY DUDE!"
The veggies come after me. I start to scream and cry, then the impact of th veggies cause me to stumble backwards, falling on my back. My head is splitting, it feels.I sit up to yell back at the mean man, but he's gone. I am in so much pain, I lay down to finish my nap.
I am once again interrupted when I am picked up. I am swaddled in the blanket and carried down the steps. I try to get a good look at the person who picked me up, but all I see is a crazy beard. So I go back to sleep, put of pure boredom.
I am again awaken by the movement of being picked up. I am in the hands of someone with a freaking white waterfall growing out of his old face. I look over and see the person with the beard that took me from my crib. He's at least nine feet tall and two feet wide, I suppose.
"HOLY COW DUDE YOU ARE MASSIVE!" But I look up and see his face. He is crying. "Oh, dude I'm sorry I didn't know you were insecure about your massive-ality." He cries harder. I'm just not good at this, am I?
Then the old man sticks me in what looks like a basket. "Um, whatcha doin up there? This isn't very comfortable."
Oh, and get this. Not only am I in a basket, I am on a doorstep!
"EXCUSE ME, HUMAN BEING DOWN HERE! WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE PLACED ON A DOORSTEP BY A COMPLETE STRANGER? I THINK NOT!"
But they aren't there, so I just go back to sleep.