I've always wondered what the purpose of life really was. My parents told me that you're suppose to live your life to the fullest. That is something I've thought about everyday of my life since I was diagnosed with cancer. Live life to the fullest. How could they live life to the fullest when they're always worried about the health bills, and my health.
I ran my fingers down the old keys on my radio. I hated being in the way, but I always was. No matter how hard I try. Like at my 10 year old brothers talent show last month. He was so nervous, because I he was playing a piano solo infront of a bunch of people. Right as he got on stage, I knew something would go wrong. I could feel it, like when horses can tell when a storm is coming.
I remember how angry he was at me when he found out our parents had to leave early because I had a seizure. I knew he understood my situation, but the spotlight has never been on him.
I had a chemo appointment in a hour, but my parents were both at work. I'm 18 now, and I could drive. Only my Doctor wouldn't allow it when my vision started to get worse. I'm almost at the point now, that holding up 3 fingers infront of me will make it 15.
My finger stopped at the play button of the radio. I knew it was a bad idea at my stage of health, but I missed dancing. I pressed down on the button, and the song, "Let her go." Came on. I smiled and closed my eyes. I moved my foot around in a circle and put my hand in the air.
I looked around my room unsure of this. I quickly pressed the stop button, and angrily walked out of my room. I picked up my cellphone off the living room table, and called my friend Gabi. "Hello?" She said from the other line.
"Heya Gabi, could you maybe give me a ride to the hospital in about 45 minutes?"
"Yeah, where are you parents?" Her voice sounded surprised and confused. I don't blame her for asking though. My parents usually never leave my side, or I never leave theirs. Incase of any emergency and I can't get to a phone. They even debated getting me life alert.
"At work they left about a hour ago, and won't be home till late tonight."
"Okay be there soon!" She hung up the phone and I went into the bathroom. I took off my dads baseball cap and looked at the small specks of hair on the top of my head. My hair was gone now, the chemo has sucky side effects I'm guessing you already know about. I grabbed my beanie, and put that on instead.
As soon as Gabi picked me up and took me to the hospital, they immediately started me up for Chemo. They hooked up all the tubes, and told me I'd be here for 5 hours. "Are you going to stay here the whole time?" She nodded and smiled. "I don't know if you'll like the picture of vomit in your head when you're eating supper." She shrugged.
"My sister got really waisted last night, she was barfing up all kinds of crap last night." I laughed, but immediately stopped. I covered my mouth and grabbed the bucket from the side of my bed. "It kicks in that fast?!" I nodded. "I'll go get some apple juice from the vending machine." She got up and left, so I quickly threw up in the bucket and groaned.
A few minutes Gabi came back with apple juice, and... a boy. My eyes widened, I hated the thought of a boy staring at me while I was in chemo. It was bad enough I had to puke and be miserable infront of Gabi. "Cayleb, Madi, Madi, Cayleb." He waved slightly. "Don't be shy Cayleb." She elbowed him in the side. He gasped at first, then turned around covering his mouth as he coughed. "You got a cold or something?" Gabi said backing away.
"Something like that." He said clearing his throat still. I smiled, he was kind of cute. But I quickly shook the thought away. I couldn't be stupid. He looked at me then his eyes widened. "You have ca-."
"That words forbidden I ask that you please not say it." Gabi said. I bit my lip awkwardly when I felt something come up and stick in my throat. I set the apple juice down about to grab my bucket, but Cayleb was there holding it up for me.
I grabbed my hair and pulled it back as I puked. I grabbed a towel and wiped my mouth, as my face turned bright red. "Thanks I think."
"Your welcome." He sat down next to me and Gabi winked at me.
Five hours later, the Doctors came in and let me loose. Gabi offered Cayleb a ride home, but he rejected saying he was stuck at the hospital. But honestly, he didn't look like he was sick at all. Gabi had to physically help me in and out of the car though. I was absolutely exhausted.
Gabi left when she saw that my parents were home, so I laid down on the couch. "Hey baby girl, how'd it go today?" I groaned in response. "Oh I'm sorry, it'll be over with soon." I rolled my eyes. She said that last year. "Would you like to go shopping tomorrow maybe?" I froze, my mother was going to take me somewhere?
I immediately knew something was up. "What happened?" My mom bit her lip and sighed.
"The Doctor set us the picture of the mass today. It's not getting any smaller, and they fear that now it's impossible to remove during surgery." I grabbed onto the side of the couch and pulled myself up.
"Are you saying it got bigger?" Her eyes began to water as she nodded. I froze in place, my eye sight went blurry, and everything just went black.