I wasn't accustomed to losing people I cared about. In fact, Zayn was the first person I ever cared about in my whole life. I never cared about anyone but myself until I met Zayn.
I wasn't sure how many hours had passed as I slept and I was soon awoken once again by a frantic Niall.
"Sarah! Sarah! Wake up!" he screamed in my ears as he violently shook my body awake.
I was dazed at first because I had just woken up so suddenly and I needed a moment to process where I was and what was going on.
"Niall?" I questioned, looking up at him. "What's going on?"
He was crouched over me, his hands firmly grasping my shoulders a bit too tightly. I could sense fear and worry as he spoke in a rapid tone and the way his eyes darted frantically in every direction.
"It's Zayn!" he blurted out and at that moment, the door to Zayn's room burst open and out walked his doctor.
I jumped to my feet, but had to lean my body against the wall for support as I got dizzy from standing up so quickly.
I reverted my attention back to the doctor who had not spoken a single word yet.
"Is Zayn okay? What happened?" I asked in a panic.
The doctor held his hands behind his back and his gaze shifted to the ground before meeting mine again.
"I'm sorry... We did the best we could, but the damages were too critical and he lost so much blood... I'm so sorry, Ms. Bell, I tried my best..."
At that exact moment it was as if my whole world was in slow motion. My breath hitched. I couldn't fathom what was going on around me. I didn't understand.
I slowly turned my head towards Niall, tears streaming down his red and puffy face. Behind him, three tall figures ran to our sides. Liam, Louis and Harry.
I turned my head to the left, facing the patient's door. Next to the door was a clipboard with the name "Zayn Malik" printed in bold at the top.
At that moment, all of my senses came back to life. I slammed my body against the door to Zayn's room and frantically tried to open it. I slammed on the door with one hand while trying to open it with the other.
The others noticed and immediately ran to my sides, trying to pull me away from the door but I wouldn't let them no matter how much they overpowered me.
"Sarah, stop! It's over, he's gone! He's gone, Sarah!"
I couldn't tell who was screaming at me. All I could think about was Zayn and only Zayn.
"No, I need to see him! I need to see, Zayn!" I screamed back.
They managed to pull me away from the door by my arms and at that moment I looked through the vertical window on Zayn's door and peered inside. I wish I hadn't. Zayn's body was still on the bed but a large white sheet was covering every inch of him. I couldn't see his face. I couldn't see him.
A single tear streamed down my left cheek as I inhaled slowly. The monitor next to his bed was off and I looked at the clipboard next to the door.
I pulled away from everyone's grasp and slammed myself sideways against the door once again, sliding down to the floor as the endless waterfall of tears uncontrollably streamed down my face. I put a hand on the door as the tears continued to stream down my face at the realization of what had just happened.
Zayn was gone.
. . .
Never in my whole life have I ever been in so much pain than the day Zayn passed away. I've never seen the boys cry so much; I've never cried so much.
The doctor apologized to us once again although it wasn't his fault in any way. He did the best he could do to try to save Zayn, but, unfortunately, his best wasn't enough.
After breaking the horrible news to us, a few nurses walked into Zayn's room to clean up and cover his body with a large white sheet so no one could see his sickened state.
I stood in the middle of the hallway the entire time the nurses were walking in and out of Zayn's room. The others had retreated back to the waiting room to drown in their sorrows together.
Once the room was cleaned out and no trace of the previous patient was left to be seen, I had leaned back against the cold stone wall of the hallway and slid to the floor hugging my knees as I kept my eyes glued to the room. I let out a long and deep breath.
My eyelids began to grow heavy and I could barely keep them open. I had been up since early this morning so my body was exhausted but my mind was scattered, my thoughts never put to rest.
Soon enough my body overpowered my mind and I drifted into a half sleep. I wasn't fully aware of my surroundings or what exactly was going on.
I could faintly hear a single pair of heeled shoes click against the floor as they approached my weak and frail body. I fought with myself to open my eyes and see who it was, but try as I might, I couldn't bring myself to open them. I was just too exhausted.
I closed my eyes and felt my body being lifted off of the ground and wrapped in somebody's arms. I slowly reached my hands out and felt around to try to figure out who it was that was carrying me.
When I had reached out a hand, I grabbed a fistful of thick curls that were silky and smooth to the touch. Too tired to think anymore of it, I let myself fall asleep in these strangers arms, my hand still holding onto his curls.
As I bounced back and forth between sleep and reality, I could hear multiple voices and the sounds of doors being slammed shut. I heard the rev of an engine and the arms wrapped around me tightened as we slightly jerked forward.
I slightly awoke again when I felt my body being lowered on a soft and fluffy surface, a feeling similar to a cloud, and then being completely still as I began to drift back to sleep again.
The last thing to be heard was the ruffling of sheets and a loud squeak of a door before it finally closed and I was left in darkness to finally get the rest I had long awaited.