"I said, get out, Zayn!" Sarah screamed in my direction. I've never seen her like this before. She was enraged at me, but deep down I knew she was hurt but masked it with rage to try to come off as strong.
Before I knew it, Sarah had slammed the door in my face, leaving me standing outside with the lads. I could heard her slide down the door and onto the floor. I sure as hell hoped she wasn't crying. I couldn't live with myself if I was the cause of her tears and sorrow.
How could I be so stupid?
I just wanted to kick the door down or punch a hole through it, but I knew that wouldn't solve anything. Sarah was just pissed at me and upset and needed some space right now.
I didn't want to hurt her; I never meant to. I didn't know what I was thinking, hanging out with Perrie behind Sarah's back. Cheating on her. I'm such a screwed up mess.
I fell to my knees in front of the door and furiously gripped my hair in frustration. I tried taking deep breaths to calm myself and placed a gentle hand on the door.
I could feel Sarah's warmth as she still lay against the door, probably crying. It made me feel even worse about myself. I don't think I could ever forgive myself for doing this to her. She didn't deserve this. Any of this.
I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned my head to see Liam looming over me with a concerned look on his face. Without thinking, I immediately stood up and wrapped my arms around his chest in a tight hug. He hugged me back even tighter and the rest of the lads joined in a group hug. It really helped even thought I was the one to blame for all of this. I didn't deserve any pity or sympathy.
"Come on, mate. We should go," said Liam quietly, in a kind and sympathetic tone into my ear. I softly nodded and removed myself from the group hug even though every part of me didn't want to leave Sarah.
They all led me to the van but before I got in I turned around and looked back at the house where Sarah was in right now. A part of me hoped she would come running out of the house accepting my apology and showering me with kisses but that was a selfish thought that was very unlikely to happen. Sarah will probably never forgive me for this.
I hopped into the van and sat in the backseat next to the window. Staring out the window, I came to the realization that I probably wasn't going to make it without Sarah. This was going to be Hell for me. But not as bad for her.
Zayn had finally left and I was left alone in our - I mean my house. I had told the girls to leave so I could be alone and think things through. I just needed some time alone is all.
I sighed as I stood up from the floor and solemnly made my way up the stairs and to my room. I opened the door and closed it behind me and made sure to lock it.
I fell back onto the bed with a sigh and stared up at the ceiling.
Why does bad stuff always have to happen to me? Everytime something good happens, something bad has to come around and ruin it. It's just not fair.
I let my thoughts overrun my mind and I was soon deep in thought. Thoughts about Zayn and how I would live without him. Was he going to miss me as well? Probably not since he was the one who cheated on me. He probably didn't love me for all I know.
Very late into the night I ended up dozing off into a deep sleep full of pain and regret. It seemed like I couldn't even escape my problems in my sleep. How was this going to work?
It had been three months since Zayn and I broke up. Was it really a break up though? Although we didn't establish it at the moment while we were having our little quarrel it sure seemed like it.
Three months without Zayn was more painful that I ever thought it would be. I barely left the house and stayed in what used to be me and Zayn's room.
It was 3 in the afternoon and I decided to get out of bed and get something to eat. I reached under my pillow to unlock my phone to find a text message from Zayn; one of many many more he's sent me since the fight. I don't respond though, I never did.
I opened the conversation and looked at the messages out of curiosity. One of them read:
Zayn: Sarah, please answer me. I love you so much. Please...
I exited out of the conversation and locked my phone, putting it back under its spot under my pillow.
I got out of bed and made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen. I poured myself a small bowl of cereal since I was too lazy to make food, and sat down on the couch as I turned on the TV to some cartoons. I could care less about the news right now.
"Zayn, come on! The show is literally starting in 5 fucking minutes!" yelled Harry.
I couldn't concentrate on anything right now and I could care less about the concert. all I could think about was Sarah. She was the only thing that occupied my mind the past three months.
I sat in the bathroom of our tour bus sitting on the toilet, texting Sarah again. I would send her texts every morning and night before I go to sleep, just to say goodnight. But she never answers.
Sarah, please answer me. I love you so much. Please...
I sent the message and it showed that she read it, like she always does, but she doesn't respond as always. I sigh as a tear rolls down my cheek. This was all my fucking fault.
"Yo, Zayn! Get your ass out here and on stage!" yelled Louis. He sounded pissed.
I quickly wiped away the single tear and took a deep breath. You can do this, Zayn. Get your shit together. You can do this!
"I'm coming," I simply said and walked out of the bathroom.
I got in position under the stage where a platform would lift each of us up. I could hear the screams of roaring fans blocking out any other source of noise.
The lights went out and the lifts pushed us up on stage and the crowd screamed even louder than before. We started with singing "Midnight Memories", but I wasn't really into it.
"Alright guys I hope you all like this next song!" yelled Liam to the crowd.
The intro music to "Half A Heart" began to play and Liam started to sing.
My solo was coming up and it took everything in me to not cry. I started to sing:
"And being here without you
Is like I'm waking up to
Only half a blue sky
Kind of there but not quite"
Don't think about her it'll only make it worse.
"I'm walking round with just one shoe
I'm half a heart without you"
Don't cry, Malik. Don't cry. Don't cry.
"I'm half a man at best
With half an arrow in my chest
I miss everything we do
I'm half a heart without you"
At that point a few tears had escaped my eyes and everyone could see thanks to the cameras and giant screens. Fans emotionally screamed and freaked out as a reaction.
I dropped my mic and ran off the stage towards the bathroom once again. I slammed the door shut behind me and tears immediately started streaming down my face as I held my head between my arms, rocking back and forth on the bathroom floor.
I can't do this anymore.
Ok, so this update is really fucking over due, but I have some news. I might stop writing this story cuz it's not really going anywhere and I started losing readers and shit, but I'm not going to delete it. So, yeah. That's all I gotz to say.