9. Chapter 9
The guys went to go eat breakfast at some fastfood joint. Me and Andy decided to stay behind.
As soon as they shut the door behind them, Andy turned to me, "What kind of game are you playing?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.
"You know exactly what I mean. You go and make a date with some guy after you kiss me!" He said angrily.
"YOU kissed ME!" I said, getting mad.
"Maybe so, but you kissed me back." He said, lowering his voice.
"I didnt ask you to kiss me and youre dating Juliet. I already feel guilty enough as it is for kissing you back because of her. Dont try and blame anything else on me." I stood and walked into the bathroom, slamming the door loudly behind me. I locked it.
I sat with my back to the door and hugged my knees. Why did I have to destroy everything?
I heard a knock on the door.
"Go away!" I said, hating myself because of the tears in my voice.
"Alex, please." I heard his deep voice say.
"GO AWAY!" I screamed. I heard him walk away. I didnt want his comfort. He thought this was all about him. When I cried, I cried about everything. It was the only way I knew to make the pain go away at least a little bit. But I had to be alone.
Sometimes, it was too much for me. Its like my thoughts arent even mine. Everything would come crashing down and I couldnt get them to go away. There were thoughts in my head that I couldnt get rid of, they just kept coming back. There were voices that werent mine that said things, horrible things. They told me how worthless and ugly I was, they confused me, they made me question God which made me hate myself more for even having them in my head.
I slammed my head against the door and stood, allowing the dizzyness that came. I felt my knees start to shake and my vision went black. I allowed it all in. I felt myself stumble. I couldnt hold my own wait anymore. I fell and slammed my head against the floor. Of course I didnt black out. I heard someone running and then Andy banging on the door, screaming my name. This was somehow familiar.
I heard the doornob turn and Andy stood there with a butter knife in his hand. Stupid locks, they were too easy to pick.
I just layed there while he picked me up, bridal style and carried me to my bed. I was to weak to even pass out right.
Andy stood beside my bed and stared at me, "Alex, I love you." I just frowned and turned away from him. He sighed and walked away.
I pulled the blanket over my head and let the tears fall.