38. Chapter 38
It was noon, and I was standing in the park waiting for Bill. I had told Andy I was going to hang out with friends. I pulled my sleeves on my shirt so that they covered my hands and I crossed my arms.
I heard a car door slam and I turned my head to see Bill jogging towards me. I sighed inwardly.
"Hey" He said as he came to a stop beside me.
"Hi" I said quietly. I had stayed awake all night wondering what I was supposed to say to him.
"So......we need to talk about this." He said, obviously wanting me to start.
"Right.... Bill look, I really like you-"
His face lit up and I regretted what I had to say next
"..But I love Andy..."
He looked at the ground and bit his lip. "I know you do...but just know that I really care about you and-"
I interrupted him. "This wouldn't go anywhere."
His big hazel eyes looked up from the ground at me and I wanted to look away. I couldn't deal with the heartbreak and redundancy in his eyes.
"Wha- what do you mean?"
"I mean, that Black Veil Brides is everything for me. I have Andy and I love him more than anything. I have Ashley and he pisses me off, but he's family. That band is my family. And abandoning them for you wouldn't be right."
His mouth opened as if to say something, but then closed.
I couldn't look him in the eye. I felt to guilty. But it had to be said. Didn't it?
"B-but...you care about me..." He said quietly. I didn't know if it was a statement or a question.
The guilt was eating at me, and I regretted ever asking him to meet me. I just wanted this all to be over. And there was only one way I knew how to do that.....to hurt him.
"No" I said, still not looking at him, "I thought I did, but I was wrong. I only care about Andy. I only want him."
I didn't see what expressions passed his face, my eyes were glued to the ground. I knew he looked at me, but I didn't return his gaze.
"Ok...I understand" I heard him barely whisper. His voice broke on the last word. Just that was almost enough to bring tears to my eyes.
"I'm sorry." I whispered and quickly walked away towards my car, struggling to keep my emotions together.
I swear, I felt as though he were looking after me.