"I think it would be better for everybody if we broke up, no more pain, no more guilt... I'm sorry but this probably is the only way for all of us to be happy again."
"No Emma, breaking up won't make this any easier!" I said both angry and shocked. She was willing to just give it all up, because she felt sorry for me, for herself!?
"Breaking up is like walking away from the problems. Problems we can't walk away from because we will always carry it with us. You lost... We lost our baby, there is no way we will get over this if we are not together Emma!" I looked her straight in the eyes and when she wanted to turn her head away from me I held her chin to make her keep looking at me.
"Niall-" I directly interupted her. "No Em, I am not finished and you have to hear me out. I love you, I love you more than anything else and I will not watch you suffer without suffering myself too. If you are hurt, so am I and I had hoped you would understand it by now." she tried to turn her head from me again as I saw new tears forming but I wasn't ready to stop yet.
"We are gonna get trough this and it will take time, months, maybe even years, but we will get trough this, if we are together." I felt tears coming up in my eyes too, losing my baby and Emma on the same day would be too much. If that would happen I could just already kill myself because what was left to live for for me? Nothing.
I had already lost Lauren and Emma was the ony way to get her back to our family. If Emma left me I would lose Lauren and Emma both, and lets not forget that I would have no one to talk to, to help me get over the fact that I had lost my unborn baby before I even knew he or she exicited.
"And if you don't want me anymore I understand, I understand I am a shitty boyfriend and that you can get so much better but you just told me, like twenty minutes ago, that you were willing to once become my wife. Please don't let this feeling of guilt overshadow your feeling of love for me, for us." I cubbed her cheeks softly and stared in her eyes.
"Don't give up on us. Don't give up and I promise you we will get a family, a family at the right time and I will do whatever you want to to make sure you are happy and willing to stick by my side for as long as we live." I whisper and kiss her forhead softly.
"Niall, I ruin everything... I make you feel misserable,-"
"No! You make me feel loved, truly loved for who I am, not for who everybody thinks I am." I say and hug her tightly.
"I love you sweetheart, more than I love myself and I can't lose you..." I said again and finally felt her body relaxing.
"I love you too Niall... But I also hate myself and I hate you and I hate the world... Why did I deserve this? Why is my baby taken away from me?!" She screamed and sobbed loudly while I did nothing but rub her back, giving her the chance to get it all out.
"Why did you not notice I left like shit for weeks!? Why did no one notice it... Doesn't anyone love me enough to notice I was on the edge of breaking down for weeks?! No one asked if something was wrong, no one wondered if I had some shit going on, not even you Niall... You are the one who is supposed to watch over me the most and you didn't." She was right, I had failed her but it still hurt to hear her say it straight in my face.
"Emma I know, I feel like shit for not noticing believe me... I won't ever fail you like this again, but please, don't leave me." I knew this was important, this could make or break us.
We would either come out of this stronger than ever, stronger than we could have ever been, or we would come out sepperately. Both broken and alone to face what we had been trough together.
"I can't Niall, I can't keep feeling like this. Looking at your face and thinking you don't even care enough about me to ask if I am okay... It makes me feel pathetic and worthless. I can't live with that feeling, and if I don't hate you for doing this to me I will hate myself for forgiving you so easily and I can't have that too." she whispers and the temperature drops with at least ten degrees. She was breaking up with me.
"I understand,-" if this didn't convince her, nothing ever would and I had lost her forever... "I allow you, no I don't allow you, I demand you to hate me. Hate me, scream at me and do whatever you want if it makes you feel better, if you don't leave me I will do everything for you.
I will tell your parents I am not worthy dating you and I will never come close to their standarts, but I will tell them I love you with my entire heart and soul and I wll never let anyone hurt you without making them pay for it. Just like I am gonna make myself pay for this." she slowly looked up at me and I knew I had her attention.
"I will tell them I made you feel bad and however I tried everything I could I would understand if they wouldn't want me near you. That will be my punishment but I won't stop loving or caring for you. I will watch over you and make sure no one will do something like I did to you." She sniffed softly and hold my face in her shaking hands.
"No... Please don't." She whispered, "I am sorry, I can't lose you not after everything that happened to us. Please help me Niall, I am going crazy and I am hurting the people I love the most... I don't know what is going on with me and it scares me so much.' She whispered and I knew we would win, we would get out of this stronger than ever.
"I will help you sweetheart, just tell me what to do." She nodded slowly. "Love me, Niall... Just show me I am worth living and care for me." I smiled and hugged her tightly.
"Always, I will always love you and care for you... Till you ask me to stop doing it." I smile and hug her tighter.
"But first, you gotta take that shower and get dressed before your parents get here and ask stupid questions about us here huggin while you are naked." She laughs softly and I smile to myself.
"And remeber my love for you is beyond anything you can ever imagine." a small smile forms on her face and I know I can safely go to the kitchen and finish dinner without having to worry about Emma.
"I love you too Niall... Thank you.."
"No need to thank me sweetheart, that's what boyfriends do... They mess up, and then they try to fix it again." She rols her eyes and I gently push her into the bathroom again.
"Now take that stupid shower before I take one with you." I say and laugh before she closed the door again and I went to the kitchen again to do the last finishing touch on the dinner which was only one hour away now.
"Good afternoon, mr and mrs Collins. You too Caleb." I say as politely as I can when Emma's family arrived around 6 o'clock.
"Hello Niall... Can we come in?" They ask and I nod my head. "Yes of course, shall I take your coats? And Emma is in the livingroom. First door on the right" I tell them and accept their jackets politely. Tonight I was gonna play the host and how much I hated it I had to do this perfectly.
"Thank you Niall." Emma's father says and walks to his daughter, hugging her with a smile on his face.
Emma looked genually happy when she saw her parents and brother again and I felt a pain in my heart. Her family, did they know? Did they ask her what was wrong with her the past two months?
"Niall? Are you coming, dinner can't start without you of course." She said and kissed my cheek softly to make me snap out of my thoughts.
"Oh yeah, if you would follow me to the kitchen." I say and lead everybody to the kitchen where it smells amazing if I say it myself.
"It that lasagna?" her mother asks and I nod. "It is mrs. Emma told me you all like it so I figured what would be better than lasagna." I say and walk to the stove.
"But first, I made something my mother always made when we had guests over." I take the pan off of the fire and put it on the table.
"Home made pumpkinsoup." I say and pour a bit of the soup in each bowl. "I hope you like it." I say and sit down again. Nervously looking around and hoping they'd like it as much as I always liked it when I was a kid.
"Hmm, it tasts good Niall." mrs Collins said after a while of complete silence and I couldn't be more happy.
"Thank you mrs, my mother taught me how to do it. I will make sure to tell you you liked it." I could even see a vague smile on her lips and I continued eating.
After all dinner was quite a succes, no one murdered one-an-other and we even made some joked everybody liked.
"Thank you for tonight Niall, we all enjoyed it." Mr Collin said at the end of the evening when they were about to leave.
"The pleasure was all mine mr Collins. I am glad you enjoyed yourselves." I said politely and handed him his jacket.
After that they left, Emma with them and I was left alone to clean everything up but I didn't mind. They accepted me. They were even happy for me, that I was getting Lauren back and they even invited me over for dinner in a week or two.
Doing the dishes was not even that bad and before I went to bed I called Emma to talk about everything that happened and what was discussed in the car without me being there.
"They do like you Niall... They are just protective and they don't want to lose me." the same old story again for the tenth time or so.
"But they do like me?" I asked just to be sure. If they liked me we would have won one point already and the rest would be reachable in the future.
"Yes Niall, they like you" she said and we hung up. I had to be up early to prepare for the court over Lauren's custoudy... Tomorrow would, hopefully, get even better than this night went.