It's been almost two weeks since we broke up. Almost two weeks since I last talked to Liam or any of the boys and almost two weeks of misery. I miss Liam, even after this, but I don't know why. I've been hurt so many times that I don't know if it's even worth it. I wish I could say it's not and just get over him, but something keeps me holding on. It feels like he's reaching out his hand to me as I'm falling but only holding on by a finger. Our relationship is going in circles and I really don't know what to do anymore. Liam and Sophia have been all over the papers and talked about in all the gossip. Supposedly they're together now, which actually kind of surprised me. It's one thing to cheat on someone and another to then start dating the girl I got cheated on with. I have ignored every call or text I get from everyone, the girls included. I'm pretty sure they know what happened since they talk to the boys, but every time they call my home phone, I tell my dad to say I'm busy. They flew out to see a few of the shows and visit their boyfriends. I was supposed to go as well but didn't for obvious reasons.
I finally decide to Skype Louis. I log on to Skype and am happy to see that Louis is online. I click call and it rings a few times before the blue-eyed bot pops up on the screen with a huge grin on his face.
L: Kristen! Haven't talked to you in a while. Why the hell won't you answer my texts?
K: well hello to you too Lou. And I've been...uh...busy lately.
L: you know you don't have to lie to me right?
K: it was worth a try. So anyway, how have you been?
L: I've been ok, really wish you were here with the girls though. We all miss you a lot.
K: well not everyone. I saw they're dating now huh
L: sadly, yeah they are. I don't know what is going through his damn head, obviously nothing right.
K: nothing we can do about it now.
L: true, so how have you been holding up?
K: well, I'm surviving. Barely, but trying. It hit me pretty hard, you know?
L: I feel for you, babe. Just don't do anything stupid, you hear me?
K: too late for that
I attempt to whisper that last part but obviously Louis heard because his eyes get wide. A frown forms on his face and he looks like he could cry. Well shit.
L: what do you mean by that?
K: nothing Lou, forget about it
L: tell me. Actually, stand up for a minute.
L: shit, Kristen. Have you been eating?
K: uh, yeah a little. A small meal a day about.
L: no, no, no. Kristen, do you know how unhealthy that is? You have to eat!
K: Louis, please don't yell. It's not something I can control, ok?
L: not something you can control? That's bullshit. I'm pretty sure you can eat more than that!
K: you don't understand Lou.
L: damn right I don't. Please enlighten me with the reason.
K: I have an eating disorder, ok? I found out at the doctors the other day. Damn it Louis! I told you to stop yelling!
L: I didn't know, Kristen. I'm so sorry. Can you do me a favor though?
K: you're about the only person I have left so I'll forgive you and I'm sorry I over exaggerated. Oh and what favor?
L: show me your wrists please
K: no, I'm sorry but I can't do that
L: Kristen, please. I just want to help
I finally hold them up to show him the fresh cuts on my skin. He nods sadly and I feel ashamed for doing it, like he's judging me. Before I could react or pull the sleeve back down over my wrist, the door to Louis' room opens and someone walks in. It took me a minute to process who it was. Oh no, Liam. I quickly pulled down my sleeve, but it was too late. I could tell by his facial expression that he saw.
L: sorry Kristen, excuse us for a second
All I can do is nod as they walk out of the room, my guess is to talk. I can hear yelling but can't make out what they're saying. The door opens and I expect to see Louis, but instead, I'm greeted by a girl. She looks to be about my age and that's when I realize it's Sophia. I'm about to hang up when she speaks.
S: Kristen wait, please
K: why should I? My boyfriend..ex boyfriend I should say, cheated on me with you so I'm good
S: please just listen for one minute, that's all I'm asking
K: fine, what?
S: Liam loves you, he really does. He doesn't stop talking about you ever. It killed him that day you hung up the Skype call. We're just friends, nothing more.
K: that's not what it looks like
S: we grew up together which is why we're so close and management is forcing us to be a couple for the media
S: I'm so sorry I ruined your relationship. I never meant to
K: thank you and it's ok. I'm sorry for yelling at you before I knew. The only problem is that he lied to me, at least was going to.
S: that, you need to talk about with him.
K: I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet.
I can tell that I'm about to cry. I feel a lump in my throat and my voice cracks. Without warning, a sob leaves my mouth and once I start, I can't stop. I'm so embarrassed, crying in front of someone I barely know.
S: hey, it's ok, love. You can talk when you're ready. I can tell him that if you want.
Li: tell who what?
S: Jesus, Liam. You scared me.
I try to block my tear stained face as best I can, but that's not very well. I'm still sniffling and I know Liam heard me as he turns to the screen.
Li: Kristen, are you alright? Why are you crying, love? I'm so sorry for what I've done.
K: I know you are. Sophia explained everything to me. And to answer your question, I honestly don't know if I'm ok.
S: I'll leave you two alone.
Li: listen, Kris. I know I've done wrong. I understand if you're not ready yet, but can you at least come here? I can get you a plane ticket and everything. Even if it's just as friends. I want to be able to help you. Please.
It broke my heart when he said just as friends. I could tell it hurt him too, but I don't think I'm ready to get into another relationship quite yet. We have some things to mend first, especially trust.
K: I guess I could come for a little bit. J-just as friends. Even if I was ready, you still have to talk to management about you and Sophia.
Li: shit, I didn't even think of that. I'll figure it out. I'll get you a ticket for tomorrow and email it to you.
K: ok, I'll see you soon. I should probably go to bed.
L: goodnight Kristen. I lo- have a good night.
Is it just me or was he going to say that he loves me. He covered it up by clearing his throat, but the panic and embarrassment showed on his face.
K: goodnight, Liam.
With that, I hung up and laid back on my bed. Why was life so challenging? I stood up again and looked in the mirror, lifting my shirt. I have been getting pretty thin, haven't I? Truthfully, I want to get back together with Liam, but I don't trust my feelings right now. I have to see what happens when I go there. I decide to start packing for tomorrow. I pack pretty heavily because I don't know how long I'll be there for, then decide to go to bed.
I pull the earbuds out of my ears as the pilot announces that we are now landing and to turn off all electronics. I'm pretty nervous about seeing Liam again, which is weird, since I'm usually so comfortable around him. I guess that's what break ups do to you.
The plane finally lands and I get my baggage. We've already discussed that we weren't getting a limo since it could draw attention, so I'm looking for a black Range Rover. I see it a few cars down and open the passenger side door. Instead of finding Liam or any of my friends, I come face to face with Sophia. I guess the look on my face showed my confusion because she speaks up.
"Hey Kristen. Sorry, I'm probably not the person you most want to see right now. Everyone else went to an interview, so I volunteered to stay and pick you up. I wanted to make things up to you. Wanna go to the mall? We can grab something for lunch at the food court and I'll text everyone to meet us there after the interview," she says and I smile. She is putting a lot of effort into trying to be friends. I can give it a try and the mall does sound good right now.
"Sure, that sounds great. I really appreciate it," I respond and her smile lights up. For some reason, I get this feeling that we are going to be good friends.
It takes about 20 minutes to get to the mall. We find a parking spot and hop out. Both of us are obviously excited about shopping. We practically run into the door, trying to get there faster.
"Where to first?" Sophia asks. We both look at each other and smirk.
"Forever 21!" We're both cracking up and getting weird stares from people walking by. Oh well, who are they to judge?
"Great minds think alike, now let's go!" I yell, dragging her along behind me as I look for Forever 21. It winds up taking about 10 minutes to find it because we were going in circles, trying to follow the map, while obviously reading it wrong. It wound up being on the second floor, which we had failed to look. I'm pretty sure we tried on at least a hundred things each and bought half of it. I would live here if I could, and everything is my style. Luckily, I have a bunch of gift cards stored up from my birthday and Christmas. I probably look like a complete idiot handing card after card to the girl at the register. Sophia is standing back, looking amazed. Once, we finally pay, we make our way outside and to the food court. We both decide on Chinese food and sit down at a table.
"I just got a text from Liam. He said the interview is over so they're going to head over here " Sophia says and I nod. I'm excited to see everyone. We talk for another half hour before I hear someone clear their throat. I quickly turn around and am staring right into the brown eyes of none other than Liam Payne.
"Uh, hi..." I awkwardly greet him. We look at each other for a while before I am crushed into a huge bear hug by Louis.
"Hi Lou, how are you?" I ask, giggling.
"I'm great! Glad to finally see you!" He yells and I shush him.
"You're going to get us kicked out if you keep yelling like that!" I barely finish the sentence before I am surrounding by the girls. We hug and then do the same with the rest if the boys, although I notice someone is missing. I look over at Sophia to see her talking to Liam. This trip is going to be very awkward.