I had fallen asleep on the couch after getting up in the middle of the night. Now I was waking up to a light knock on the door. I pulled myself off the couch. "I'm coming." I stumbled over stuff, at least twice. I still needed to clean up from the boys coming in my house one last time before leaving. I shook the thought out of my head. I didn't want to cry anymore. "Hello." I spoke before I could see who it was, then I saw that it was Kaitlyn. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to see how you were doing. Do you need some help?" She looked past me into the other rooms, which now that I look from a different angle looked terrible. I think I was starting to fit in with it too.
"If you don't mind I would love the help? I'm going to ask though, how are you taking this so well? I mean I know you and Niall just started dating, but that was always even harder for me. Him leaving while we're still "fresh" you know? It's just scary, and lonely, and empty, and I hate it." I was shocked at what I just said. I had never told anyone, not even myself, how I felt.
"Why don't we start cleaning? While we clean we can talk about it."
"Oh right. Come on in." As she came in she looked at my rack.
"This looks so empty." I rolled my eyes at the thought of that statement, but then I got really upset remembering that evening. I remembered before Louis came, Liam was here wanting me to cancel and for us to hang out.... Making my feelings for him boil again.
"Yeah I've heard that before. I used to have flowers there, but I had to get rid of them. Well I didn't have to, it's a long story." I realized I needed to brush my hair, and teeth, and get dressed. I probably looked like a ship wreck.
"All we have is time." For some reason I knew she was going to use that line.
"I'll be right back." I took off to my room. I looked in the mirror hoping I didn't look as bad as I imagined. I opened one eye slowly, and phew. I forgot I put my hair up last night. I just brushed my teeth and threw on some loose clothes. I came back into the living room and it was looking good. Kaitlyn walked in, from the kitchen.
"I found my way around. I hope you don't mind? I wanted to get started instead of just sitting or standing around." She kept going at it too. I walked in and started to help.
"It's ok. I'm sorry about that I just needed to clean up a little myself." We worked back and forth for about an hour, finally my house was spotless. We were sitting on the couch when she started talking about Niall leaving.
"It is hard, and I am scared. Actually, to be honest, I'm terrified. Every time I hear my phone ringing I hope it's him calling, just to say hi, or goodnight. I think what if he comes back and he's found someone else? I look at the negative yes, but I try to focus on the positive. At least I don't have to focus on him every last second of the day. If he truly loves me he'll come back for me. Hope is what keeps me going. Hope is what keeps us all going." I smiled, then she smiled.
"Did Niall, or anyone, tell you about who I dated before Louis?" I hoped not, because I wanted to tell her my side of the story. Not Liam's, along with lies and jokes the boys decide to throw in with it.
"I haven't seen much of the other boys, and Niall hasn't said much about you." I was relieved, shocked, and hurt all at the same time. I just pushed it all away and tried to think of how to start this.
"I used to date Liam." It came out easier than I thought it would. She didn't look shocked though.
"I knew it." She got really excited, me... Just shocked, again.
"What do you mean? Is it that obvious? Louis never could tell."
"Guys don't pick up on stuff like that, but we do. Next time watch him, or Louis. The way they move near you and with you, and the way they look at you. Even if they're just talking about you they will have that look in their eyes. It's the same for you. Talking about them now, I see that look." I loved and hated this girl at the same time. I was thinking now, and she was right. Louis trying to be so gentle, like a single tap would break a bone. Harry wrapping me in a bear hug and spinning me... That's not gentle. It's not the same. Liam gentle, but not in the same way Lou is. It's more like he's my protector. He's the one checking for the scrapes and bruises.
"What am I supposed to do?" I hoped I wouldn't cry again, but likely I would.
"They will all be back soon."
"Not about the wait, I think I'm beginning to cope with that again. I mean them, Liam and Lou. What do I do?" My head was starting to hurt, like it did every time I thought about this.
"I guess, just do what you think is right." How could she not have something to say now? She had something to say about everything else, but this is the one thing I really needed help on.
"I've got to go. There's a key in a brick by the bottom step, just lock the door whenever you leave and put it back. Thank you for all your help Kaitlyn." I grabbed a few things then left. This probably wasn't right in anybody else's mind, but to me this is what I had to do.