I felt Liam sit on the bed beside me. I couldn't look at him because I didn't know how to tell him, so I just stayed on my side looking out the window. It was early evening, but I was sick, I could see the sun setting behind the houses and trees.
"It looks beautiful out there." I said, hoping I the other words wouldn't just slip out of my mouth.
"It does look quite lovely. Are you feeling any better?" I was feeling so much better than I was the day before. I couldn't believe how something could come so suddenly, then leave the same way. He put his hand on my arm, I realized I hadn't answered him yet.
"Oh, yeah. A lot better than yesterday." I sat up to prove my point. He coughed a little. "Oh no Liam. Are you getting whatever this is?" Mine started out with a cough, then turned into a nightmare.
"I hope not. This has been a nightmare." I smiled thinking he read my mind.
"Do you want some tea, because I'm absolutely craving some?" I was trying everything to avoid this. I knew I loved him, so why would I want to end it? But I had to. I looked at him just thinking why can't it stay like this forever. By the end of the night forever won't exist.
"Don't you dare move. You are still sick. I'll make us some tea." He put his hand on my leg, which sent butterflies through me. I jumped up.
"I've been lying here all day." I motioned to the bed. I want to get up, I want to move." I stared at him with my sad eyes.
"We British make impeccable tea. I guess you can tag along though."
"Of course I can. This is my house." I rolled my eyes as I wandered past Liam still sitting on the bed. "Coming?" I waited for a moment, nothing, so I kept walking. I looked back, Liam wasn't there, oh well I'll just make the tea. Two seconds later he's right behind me, his arms are wrapped tight around my body.
"Yes." He whispered in my ear. At this point I stopped walking. One, he scared me to death, two it's hard to walk with four feet. Once he let go I felt a kiss on my forehead, then he walked on ahead. I wanted to end it there so I didn't have to feel anymore broken, but I couldn't. I stood frozen, speechless. Finally my silence was broken. "Coming?" I could hear Liam, probably in the kitchen.
"Yes. Give me just a moment." I called to him. I closed my eyes remembering everything, but I still wasn't ready. I walked, and walked, and it seemed to go on forever, I finally got to the kitchen. Watching Liam pour the tea into the cups of ice is the last thing I see, then it's just darkness.
"Ok love, you've had your tea." I took the cups to the sink. I realized I knew this house like the back of my hand. "I have to get going soon. What are you planning to do?" I turned to see her in the doorway. She looked so beautiful even though she was a complete wreck.
"Nothing, just thinking." I shook my head a little, like I was trying to get rid of the thought.
"Is it bad, because you were looking at me?" Her eyes were wide, and she sounded offended
"No, no! It was good." I watched her face relax, but she put on an act.
"I don't believe you." She squinted her eyes a little.
"Yes you do." I walked to the doorway.
"What were you thinking about?" She crossed her arms.
"Oh just how heavenly you look." She smiled, shaking her head at the ground.
"I'm a mess. I haven't showered in, now, two and a half days, brushed out my hair in one. I can't look that great." She walked off to sit on the couch.
"That's the thing though, you can." I followed her, sitting next to her, holding her hand in between both of mine. "In my eyes you are the most beautiful girl in the world. Even sick, not showered, or dressed up like a queen, you are still lovely." I put her hand on my chest. "Just a simple glimpse of you makes my heart.... Well you can feel it." I smiled back, as she smiled at me. "I love you."
"I love you too." She leaned over and kissed my lips. I felt a tense feeling when she wouldn't look at me. When I realized these were our last moments, I decided to make the last kiss the best. She looked up at me, finally, so I went for it before she could say anything. It was deep, passionate, to be honest I was shocked that she kissed back, and the passion in her kiss. I forgot for a moment things are about to end. She pulled back and got ready to talk, but nothing came out.
"Are you ok?" I didn't want to say anything like I know what you're about to say I'll just go, because I didn't want it to be true. I truly didn't know if it was true. The feel of her lips were permanently stained to mine now. I kept imagining it over and over again, that was my only hope, and it wasn't enough.
"I don't think so." She fell back into her spot on the couch just staring off into space. "Liam, I don't know what to say."
"Well we can talk about it later. Right now, I have to go." Now I could tell I didn't want to hear it anymore. I wanted to leave, leave us being perfect.
"No just stay for a minute. I have to get this out before you go." She was looking at me, her face red like she was about to cry. "I love you Liam Payne more than anything in my life right now, but..." She looked down, started to fidget with her hands and fingers, and I watched a tear fall onto her leg. I wanted so bad to just wrap her into a big hug and tell her everything would be ok. It wouldn't though, and I could feel a lump in my throat coming up. "... You wouldn't understand, even if I could tell you. Just promise me you won't let this little heartbreak stop you from being something amazing. I don't want to say goodbye, but I'm going to. I have to. Once you leave tonight please, don't come back." And then I realized I was starting to cry. I looked around the room one more time, looked at her thinking this would be the last time we would ever see each other.
"If we ever see each other again. Whatever this was about, I hope you'll tell me then. I hope you will still love me. Then we can continue right where we left off because I can tell you one thing Kayla I will never forget you." With that I stood up, wiping my eyes, not ashamed by it at all. I walked towards the door, sliding my hand along the back of the couch, she grabbed it.
"If I can, I will explain it all to you Liam, but right now it's for the best just trust me." I looked at her straight in the eye. Her face was so flat, no emotion other than the tears running down her cheeks. I trusted that this was for a reason, and a good reason. I wriggled my wrist free and walked away not looking back until I was out the door. Once I shut the door I looked at the place one more time, the brown door where I stood with flowers, the dark window of her bed room, the light window of the den. I shook my head, threw my fist into the door, then finally turned and walked away.
I shook my head a little, realizing Zayn was trying to talk to me.
"Liam you ok?" He looked at me with his head cocked to the side a little, like I was looking off at something else, and he was now blocking the view.
"I'm fine. I was just thinking about something." He moved his head, and I could see who I was looking at, and now I understood why I was thinking about that. "Very strange."
"I don't get it man." He looked over at her too, of course he knew. "Just tell her. Tell Louis. I mean nothing may happen between the two of you, but you'll feel better. You and Louis already have a tight relationship, so what else is there to say to make it even worse?" I thought about it, of course Zayn always has a point to everything he says, but....
"Zayn you weren't there. You didn't see it or feel it the way I did. Now she is with Louis, even if she did break up with Louis there is no way anything could happen between us again. Lou didn't know, I do, and I would never do that." I watched as she laughed with Louis, Harry, Niall, and some others we invited for our last day here. Every time I saw her smile, I felt like I was falling in love with her all over again. I loved her, but I couldn't ruin my friendship and career over a girl, even one this special.