Louis showed up about an hour after Liam left. I didn't know what to say, he told me he had seen Liam's car through town. When he stays in town, he lives on the opposite side, so he has to drive all the way from one end to the other.
"He may have been getting some dinner, or something, I haven't seen him since you guys dropped me off." I was trying to be chill about it, and not give anything away.
"I believe you. Something just seems off." He looked over at where the flower had been. I took it to my room since I had just got rid of the bouquet that was sitting there.
"Well that bouquet is gone. It's been there for ages. Maybe that's it." I let him know I took on to where he was looking. He looked back at me.
"You're probably right. I need to get you something to go there...." He trailed off thinking now. Now that it was silent, well kinda silent, I started to think too. First it was about all the boys, they were all so cute, I love when we all get to hang out like that. Then it trailed off to just Liam. My heart started to beat faster, my hands started to sweat, I looked at Louis and thought, should I tell him? Couples don't keep stuff like this from each other, but he is already taking this so hard.... My head started to spin, and hurt so I tried to stop thinking about it. It went away for a few seconds, but it came back again. I had to brake the silence, if Louis wouldn't.
"Louis...." I couldn't think of what to say. "Do you need anything to drink, or a snack?" I was hoping he'd say yes.
"You know I was getting a little hungry." We walked into the kitchen. I looked for something that just he could have. No luck though.
"Hey I have some ice cream. You want some? I'm a little hungry too, so we could share it." I was walking over to the fridge and freezer. His stomach growled, I could hear it from where I was at.
"That sounds good to us." We both laughed. I got the tub out and two spoons.
"It's neapolitan, so whatever flavor you like." I started eating the chocolate first.
"So what happened today?" He looked me right in the eye.
"With Liam?" I knew that's what it was about, I was just stalling now.
"Well if that's what happened, then yes." He got a huge chunk of ice cream out. I thought he was going to scrape some off, but he just stuck as much as he could in his mouth. I started to giggle a bit. It was all on his nose and his chin.
"Hold on." I opened up a cabinet for some paper towels. "Here. Clean it all up. And make sure it's not on the table." I pointed at the table as he was already cleaning his face off.
"Okay you can go ahead now." He knew I didn't want to talk about it now. So I had no choice but to talk about it.
"He didn't say much at all. It was mostly just us awkwardly standing there." I lied a bit. It was mostly just us broken heartedly standing there. He took it though. He shook his head but didn't say anything else. "I know Liam wants to talk, but he's just more nervous now that you know. He thinks, you think, that every time we try to talk something is going on....." I trailed off. I didn't know what to say after that.
"It's hard to take in. I mean can you imagine your best friend dating your ex. That's like if you and I didn't work out and I met your best friend and we started dating." He was more playing with the ice cream than eating it now.
"Are you done? With the ice cream I mean?" I didn't want to eat anymore now either.
"I'll help." He took the spoons, made sure the lid was on the ice cream, then put both the things away. I just put the paper towels up. "That wasn't hard." He said looking satisfied. "I'm getting used to things around here." He started to lean on the counter with his arms crossed.
"What now?" I was leaning across the bar, his back was to me. He turned his head so he could see me. His chin was about even with his shoulder, he still didn't say anything. I just watched him thinking. I definitely loved him. He pushed his hair back, but it fell back to where it was, he had to do it again. When it fell again he gave up. I smiled knowing what we could do now. "Come with me. I know something." He followed, he was confused, of course. I left him at the bed while I got everything.
"Can I ask you something?" He was laying down, he looked more comfy than I ever have on that bed.
"Of course." I was laying my stuff down next to him. He caught my eye, which made my heart skip a beat.
"Do you sometimes think about what it'd be like if things didn't end between you and Liam?" I don't know why he was asking me this. I wanted to tell him, again, Liam was here, but I kept it to myself.
"If you want my honest answer..... Yes." It was quiet. That's what I was expecting though. "But doesn't everyone? Do you ever think back to one of your ex girlfriends and think the same thing? Can you sit up please?" He sat up, but he was still quiet. I started to play with his hair.
"Do you ever think about going back to him?" I froze. I kept thinking to myself 'why would you even ask that?', but I did tonight. "I'll take -" I cut him off.
"No. Well I didn't until now." I started to mess with his hair again, trying to shake the image out of my head. "Why?"
"I feel better knowing these things for some reason." Once he said that I couldn't hold it back anymore.
"Liam was here." I said it hoping he didn't hear me right, but wouldn't ask what I said.
"Why did you not tell me?" He heard me.
"I knew this was already hard enough for you, and I didn't think him being here alone with me would help." That was easier to say than I thought it would be.
"What did he say?" That I couldn't tell him. I didn't know what to say.
"He remembered the place...." I started to comb his hair instead of playing with it.
"Did he bring that flower? I've never seen it before." He pointed to the dark blue azalea on my dresser.
"Yeah. He always brought me an azalea. To be specific, he always brought me a blue azalea. It was usually a lighter blue, that is the first dark blue I've seen. I was planning on getting rid of the flower." I stopped at what I said. Then I went on. "The flowers I gave to everyone today -"
"We're blue azaleas." He finished my sentence. "After you two ended, did you always keep the azaleas around?" Louis seemed wry curious about everything now. I just didn't understand why he wanted to know everything.
"Yeah. It was like keeping him around. He was my first true love, and you know how all those turn out. You've seen the movies. But today I realized I had never let go of the past. I gave each of the boys a flower, you one, and then giving him back one...." I was trying to find the right words. "It was like I was set free. After all these years...." I trailed off again, but didn't come back. I think Louis understood, even though he didn't say a word. He just turned around and hugged me. He didn't realize there was so much more I hadn't told him. At the thought of that, I started to cry. I'm sure he felt a tear fall because he began to hug me even tighter.