Guess who might be bipolar!
Yea, so i frequently just go from this really casual/happy/bubbly person to this depressed/numb/hurt lil shit at random times, then the little depressive phases last for and hour at least and a week at most, and then it's like i can feel it in my chest, like whenever i'm depressed it feels like my chest tightens and i can barely breathe, then when i feel it become easier to breath i get happier and more casual and chill. I don't know, and i also realize i have social anxiety, so yea i'm just really fucked up.
But anyway, the girl i was talking about in the chapter before this, that i'm crushing on? yea i want to hit her with a damn bus.
I mean i know i haven't put our history with each other up here in this "diary" so i'll try to sum it up.
one day i told her i was a pansexual.
then one day she told me she might like girls.
then i asked "how would you know?"
then she said cause i like you
then i said it was cute and that i liked her back
and though at first it was only because she liked
i got some strong feelings for her
then after alot of planning
for a day
then she dumped me for a guy she liked/likes
then i started to fall even harder for her
then weeks past
then she suddenly told me she liked me again ((last chapter)
then i was casual about
now she thinks i don't like her
and now she practically throws guys she dates in my face on "mistake"
So yea, and seeing as i'm a really fucking jealous little shit, who hates people touching whats mine, i hate her for liking so many damn people and purposely making me jealous. Like it's starting to annoy me how much i let myself feel for her! And though i'm not particularly scared of falling in love, i fucking hate the thought of me loving her, and her just going back to the dude, who since you guys don't know him, i thought we should give him a cute lil nickname like asshat to make this a bit less depressing.
(i loove that word)
So yea, i'm really not trying to get hurt again, so i'm thinking about avoiding/ignoring her. But i will not tell her how i feel because all shes gonna do is throw it in my face, and i hate that. That's why i barely let people know i feel things now.
But i guess it's whatever right?
so yea, my life is basically shit
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a fucked up teen, with a fucked up life