11. the notebookok part 1
*skip through the crying and the shower and all that*
Kellins going to read my notebook. He will hate me when he knows all of that.... god I'm scared. If he hates me. My idol. I will never want to look at myself ever again. I would die. I will die. I will. I guess I can't stall it any longer here it goes....
*first page of diary.*
"Dear diary. don'to know what's happening to me. Everything changed. Everyone I thought loved me or were my friends? They hate me and fake. I'm a freak. I'm worthless. I'm THIRTEEN. I shouldn't feel this way at thirteen. I should be happy. My first year as a teenager is a disaster. I... hurt. Myself. I did. I'm confused and I don't know why but it helps. ALOT. I'm glad I get to meet kellin Quinn next week. Hopefully he doesn't hate me like everyone else.
Sorry i haven't written in a week i have had some problems :(. I met kellin!!!:) I miss the concert already. Boooo. I wish I could just stay there where people understand and care. My dad hurt me again. Came home drunk and tied me up. He beat me and raped me. Third time this week. He hates me. I'm obviously not good enough. I want to die. I really do. No bullshitting. Not for attention. I'm just not worthy. I don't think kellin
liked me... he looked at me weirdly. Like I was different. I am different. In a bad way... enough depressing words. Bathroom time! Keep my secrets diary. My arms are this way because no one else wants me. Its just a matter of time I guess.
Im dying inside.
My mom and dad were fighting. I asked them to stop because I didn't want them to fight and they yelled at me.. my mom said who asked you freak. My dad said stay out of this you little whore.IM alone. I haven't eaten in three days. That's good right? I don't know.. thanks for being here diary.
I found you again today! Its been four years! I'm sorry! how are you? What's new with me... hmm. I've tried to doe five times. In this year. My dad left a year ago but I'm still being raped by five guys at my school. I haven't eaten in 25 days. I am killing myself again today. Don't worry you won't have to listen to my problems anymore. I'm a little better now though. Music saved me. So did kellin Quinn oliver Sykes and Vic fuentes. Kellin the most though. I still remember meeting him. Im being stalked. Someone knows my secrets and told me to be quiet. Literally. No talking. This is the second day. A guy at my school named Joe looks familiar but I can't see why... his hair is brown. Its really cool. He wears hoodies same as me. But soon I won't be wearing hoodies. I'm gonna be dead. I promise. I will. I will. I will. Oops. A little bit of blood hit the paper :0 sorry... I have to write me 'no one cares so I don't know why I bother' suicide letter. Bye