Sam is such a perfect boyfriend. He's sweet and loving and he's comforting and he always knows just what to say. He buys me a single rose and paints it different colours every week, he's always surprising me with things, but not just material things. I like it when he surprises me and hugs me from behind, or when he kisses me on different parts of my face and not just my lips. I just.. I think I love him. But I'm not sure, I mean.. I have really strong feelings for him and I've never felt this way before about another guy.. but I don't know what love is.
We've been dating for a couple of months now and Sam was leaving on tour with Maz for a while, luckily enough it was only an American tour so time zones won't be too different. And he'll be back soon.
"..so, see you in a month? Our Cali shows are in about a month and I'll come by as often as I can." Sam smiled.
"It's okay, you don't have to come by, I understand you're busy and all. I'm really proud of you, you know that?" I whispered as I embraced him into a warm hug.
"I'm so damn proud of you too, baby girl. Please be safe while I'm gone." He smiled, leaving a delicate kiss on my neck before letting go of me, "I have to go now." He smiled and began walking to his car.
"Bye Sam." I smiled and waved at him as he continued to walk backwards, almost bumping into the front of the car.
"Bye." He kept waving, he was so cute. I stood outside and watched him get into the car, before I started to head inside. "Wait!" I heard Sam call.
"Yes?" I turned around.
"It's just that.." He paused.
"Oh hurry up!" Maz yelled out his window from the drivers seat.
Sam laughed, then looked at me and smiled again. "I love you."
What? "I.. I.. Sam." I didn't know how to respond. Sam's smile slowly faded and I ran into the house, and upstairs into my room.
I wasn't ready for this moment, I wasn't ready for commitment. I had been mentally preparing myself for this, I was always planning out how I was going to react if Sam had ever said he loved me. Love. It's such a big word, with so much meaning. I don't want to go throwing the word around, it'll just lose meaning. And there are so many things in this world that have lost all meaning.
A couple of hours later, I decided to go downstairs. I was bored out of my mind, so bored that I had actually recorded two new videos. But I couldn't be bothered editing them. I heard noise down stairs and decided to check it out, I wasn't trying to be nosy, I was just bored.
"JC, I said I love you!" I heard a voice state, quite angrily too.
"Look, I know, you've said it only about a thousand times. " JC sighed.
"Then why don't you say it back? Why don't you ever tell me you love me?" The girls voice got angrier, but the level of her voice stayed the same.
"You know I do." JC replied.
I knew it was wrong to keep listening but I wanted to know who he was taking to. I couldn't tell who's voice it was because it was soft and sounded like she was talking whilst crying. That's the worst thing ever, trying to get angry at someone and have a conversation with them, but then you start crying. I hate it.
"Then say it. If you love me, just say it." Her tone started to raise.
"I lo- no. No I can't just throw that word around like some useless toy. You don't play with love."
"You aren't throwing it around if you don't mean it, Justin."
"I.. I'm sorry Jenn."
What? Jenn? That can't be Jenn, she had been constantly telling me for the past month or so she wasn't dating anyone, and she wasn't planning on dating anyone. Especially any of the boys from O2L. This didn't make sense. She wouldn't lie to me. And JC would've said something to me, or someone else in the house that they were dating.
"...I LOVE HER OKAY." I was pulled out of my thoughts to the sound of JC yelling.
"IF YOU LOVE HER, WHY DID YOU LEAD ME ON? WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO CONVINCE EVERYONE YOU DON'T LIKE HER AND YOU LOVE ME? YOU SAID YOURSELF LOVE ISN'T A TOY, BUT JC, YOU'RE REALLY PLAYING WITH MY EMOTIONS. IT'S NOT FAIR." Jenn yelled back. "I'm so done with you!" Her voice softened, and I could hear her crying.
"Whatever!" JC yelled, he was angry. I could tell Jenn said something that just set him off, I can't believe I missed it.
"Whatever? That's all you have to say? Is whatever?" Jenn didn't sound angry, just really hurt.
There was a silence in the air before I heard the jingling of car keys. I went and hid behind the closest door because I didn't want either of them to see me, but I continued to try to listen to what was happening. I didn't hear a single word, I just saw Jenn rushing out the door, and attempting to slam it behind her, but her arms didn't pull it hard enough and it stayed slightly open. I kept looking, to wait for a safe time to come out, I didn't want JC to see me. Where was everyone else in the house? Was I really the only one who heard all of this?