The memories of Riley haunt me almost every night. The thoughts of what happened to her replayed in my dreams. I couldn't think of them now. It's to much. My heart is exhausted from it all.
I got out of my bed into the cold air. I glanced over at my clock; 3:06 a.m. it said in bright red letters. I hate the color red... It makes me think of blood. There has been to much bloodshed in this world. I walked to my bathroom and I made my way to the shower. I opened the curtains and turned the nobs to make the perfect temperature. I took my clothes off and threw them to the ground. I got in and let the hot water run down my body.
I don't want to leave the shower. It relieves all the tension you have and all the worries you have. They just wash down the drain. I got out and I looked at my clock again; 3:50 a.m. I took a while in there... I stayed in my towel for awhile. I wanted it to be morning already.
I woke up in a daze. I didn't realize I fell asleep. The sun shined through my curtains, hitting my eyes. I still had my towel on. I went to my closet and threw on some new clothes. At least I still fit in my clothes.
I unlocked my door and headed out of the room. Well first I need to find my way in these halls. I miss how small it used to be. I kept walking forwards and I literally felt lost. I decided to knock on one of the doors to get help. I knocked on the door on the right of me. I heard someone unlocking it and they opened the door.
I noticed Julliard was the person behind the door. He looked up and noticed it was me. He was going to close the door, but I stopped him.
"I'm lost." I said, hoping he will help me out even after all that's happened.
"Ugh... Where do you want to go?"
"I want to go to the kitchen."
"Ok then you need to go straight until you see the first elevator, which should be on your left side, go in the elevator and press floor 2, and when you get out head straight and the kitchen should be on your right hand side."
He slammed the door before I could even thank him. Asshole I swear...
I followed his directions and I made it to the kitchen. I grabbed what I wanted and I sat down. Soon enough Niall joined me.
"Hey Niall!" I smiled.
He looked depressed... I wonder why?
"Huh? Is it that noticeable?" He said looking around.
"Yes. what's wrong?" I asked again.
"It's nothing..." He said looking down at his food; playing with it.
"I'm here if you want to talk about it."
He didn't say anything, but I'm pretty sure he'll come around. Meanwhile I need to get things off my chest too.
I said my goodbyes to Niall. I made my way to the gym to see if I could find Liam. I walked to the gym and looked around and I didn't see him. I was making my way out.
"Looking for something?"
I already knew who it was by the sound of her voice.
"Yes Rachael I am. Where's Liam?"
"He doesn't feel well today so leave him alone."
"I can do what I want."
I walked away and I made my way back to the kitchen. I asked if they would make some soup for Liam. They handed me the soup and I made my way to Liam's room. We would hang there all the time.
I knocked on the door and he opened up. He gave me a questioning look.
"I got soup for you. Rachael said you weren't feeling well."
"Thanks. Come in."
I walked in and he took the soup from me and he sat down on his couch. I sat right next to him and watched him eat the soup. It was awkward, but I felt secure with him.
He turned on his Tv and we watched Law in Order: Special Victims Unit. It's sad what happens to people.
"Liam. Sorry I pushed myself upon you. I was being stupid."
"What? You didn't force anything. I wanted to kiss you too, I was just hesitant."
I didn't know what to say because I though that's why... but I guess not. I feel the awkwardness flowing through the room.
"Thanks for the soup. It made me feel a little better."
"You're welcome. Maybe I should go and let you get some rest."
"Ok. Have a good day Jess."
I left his room and I saw Rachael making her way through the hall.
"Didn't I tell you to leave him alone!"
"And? I can do I want. He's my friend, I shall see him no matter what you say. You are not the boss of me."
"Are you his girlfriend? His sister? Anything important?"
"Then how about you leave me be. Bye."
She was standing there dumbfounded. I swear I can't stand her. She is going to fight fire with fire.
I made my way to my room. I locked it behind me and laid down on my bed. I grabbed the box that what's under my bed. I dumped it out on my bed.
I spread the pictures around and looked at them, one by one. I saw one that caught my eye. It was me and my family. My father, my mother, my sister, Riley, my brother, Brad. My father and father died in a car accident. My brother Brad was old enough to take care of me Riley. He took us under his wing and taught us how to do everything. He meet Zayn when I was 16. Zayn was 18 at the time. He took us in and we stayed with him for a few years. During that time I was slowly falling for him everyday.
I thought of happiness with Zayn, but there was pain slowly creeping up in my emotions. I don't know what happened to Brad. He said he was leaving, but never told us where. So all I had was Riley. She was there for me through thick and thin. Then she was taken from me way too fast...
I had tears running down my face. I didn't want to feel it all yet. I put it all back in the box before I feel it all at once. I wish someone would just hold me and let me cry. Just let me cry without an explanation.
I made my way out of my room and I went to the kitchen. I asked if I could have a few beers. I need to get at least a buzz. They gave me me whole case. I just shrugged and took it. I made it way back to my room. I sat on my bed and popped open my first bottle. One lead to another and I felt wasted.
I didn't know what I wanted to feel. I started crying, laughing, and everything. I wanted to sleep, but my body wanted to be up. It was already midnight.
I left my room and made my way through the halls. I went to the elevator and got out. I went towards Zayn's room and I knocked on the door. He didn't answer so my body just let me in. I glanced around the room and didn't see him. Maybe he's in his office? I left his room and went to his office.
I knocked on his office door. He opened the door and saw me. I threw my arms around him. He held me back. I pushed my face into his chest. He shut his office door. I just let the tears flow. He made us sit on his sofa. I held onto him tighter. He just let me cry everything I needed to get out.
I cried for about an hour and I finally lifted myself off of him. He was about to say something, but I pressed my lips to his. I grabbed onto him and let passion flow through my body. My body was heating up quickly. I didn't know I what was doing. I was grabbing him to hold him closer. Our lips were smashing into each other roughly with passion. All my feelings were pouring into our kiss.
I couldn't let him go. I was grabbing onto him more. He pulled himself away.
"Are you drunk Jess?"
"I can smell the alcohol on your breath."
"I think you should get to bed Jess. I'll take you to your room."
He took me to my room and he said goodnight to me and left. I kissed him... What was I thinking? I need to control my emotions better. I felt his lingering on mine. I felt so much passion flowing through the both of us. He kissed me back with all the emotions I was feeling. My mind was a blur, but I'll get some rest because this is going to be a shitty hangover in the morning...