My parents were hopeless. My mother was unemployed but was acting, like as if she had a job. Every morning she went out and sat in the car. She drove off and landed eventually at the lovers house. There she was all day until she felt that the neighbors would think she had been working. My dad was the opposite. He sat on the couch with a beer in his hand, didn't care about anything and watched old movies that no one else was watching. I hadn't much to get in my childhood home. Everything was dilapidated and not even my old room was normal. Still, you couldn't tell it on the outside. Everyone thought they were perfect parents, but I knew that everything was a lie.
"Just because you go to school doesn't mean you are going to be laze." took my mom me and she made sure I cleaned, washed dishes and took care of my dad. If I complained she looked coldly at me and snorted.
"You don't need school to become a woman. Suffice it that you know how to cook and take care of a home. I learned that from my mom, so what's wrong?"
I tried to get Dad to help me. Yet belched he looked at me and smiled drunk to me.
"Please, honey. There's beer in the home and then I'm satisfied. Go and do something if you want. I'll be fine!"
Talk about that I never learned how a family functioned. When I started working and met different guys, I got no other idea of family life. It contained nothing but lies and the men were constantly unfaithful. Even their wives sat safely in men and thought it was life.
The thing that made me leave my parents were when mom came home one day. She threw everything she had in her arms and looked coldly at me.
"You're a fucking ungrateful brat." she screamed. "I saw you staring at the house when I was home with my friend."
I dared not admit that it was because of love. I didn't want her to get hurt or that she would encounter one. My mom thought I wanted to take him away from her and that I was as rotten as she was.
"He only fuck me!" she murmured cold. "You can take your sweet little ass and go somewhere else."
And it was exactly what I did. I went away with my ass and found a job that suited my values and my wallet.
My neighbour Andy knocked on my door one evening. Maybe he wasn't a friend, but he knew all about me and what I was working with. He wasn't the one who gossiped or talked shit about me. Instead, he was quiet and let me talk when I needed it. I don't know if he listened to me once, but he was at least there for me and was able to join me sometimes.
"You know what?" he got out and came into my apartment. "I have an announcement!"
I looked at him and leaned my back against the wall. He stood in the middle of the hallway and smiled with his whole face.
"I will from now on change myself."
"And that means?"
He laughed happily.
"I intend to be a tough guy and I think I will get me a girl."
I wanted to laugh, but managed to be quiet. He still seemed in a good mood and I didn't want to ruin it.
"I will start working in a pub." he said and nodded with satisfaction. "There should I show my true colours and get a girl."
I smiled and tried to see him as a tough guy. He was rather a lazy man who allowed his parents to pay for everything for him.
"And you've got the job?"
He shook his head.
"No, but I know I'll get it soon."
I laughed a little bit and shook my head.
"Much like the time when you would be an actor and work on stage?"
He sighed and gave me a dirty look.
"It was just a transition to what I am now. It doesn't mean I can't be discovered? I have many talents."
I just sighed and walked into my kitchen.
He snorted and followed me.
"But come on neighbour! You know I have many dreams, but one day they come true. I'm not like you!"
I was cold all over and looked at him coldly.
"What do you mean?"
He smiled uncertainly and sat down at the kitchen table, on a chair.
"I'm just saying that you are making money, but what do you get out of it?"
"I guess nothing, but I don't fantasize about a future that doesn't exist."
Andy smiled slightly and looked down at his hands.
"And what's wrong with dreams?"
I looked at him and didn't know what to say. I sat down on a chair and watched him closely.
"There's nothing wrong with dreaming, but I have nothing to dream about. It will not come a prince and will save me. I will not receive a kingdom and I don't live happily ever after."
He watched me closely and indeed he seemed to listen.
"Why can't a man dream?"
"WE live in a world where dreams can't exist. Come on! When did a dream come true for me? And did you got what you wanted?"
He smiled weakly.
"When I got a wonderful neighbour as you?"
I shook my head and tried to look serious.
"We have nothing but lies around us. I lie about my job and you're lying to yourself about a future that doesn't exist."
Andy looked at me long and hard.
"I think I'll today give you a pledge!" he whispered. "In a year, my dream will come true and I promise I will get there!"
I looked at him that he meant business. He looked at me and let me not go for a single second with his eyes.
He nodded with satisfaction.
"Remember that I have a year, but I'll carry this dream to the end."
I couldn't stop to wonder about my own dreams. When I went to bed that night I could hardly sleep. I hadn't thought about in a year on one fantastic dream I had. At one time I thought that I would become a great and famous star. Then I thought I would perform miracles. Nothing struck through and now I knew that my life wasn't like everyone else's. I didn't get a boyfriend and I had no children. I had a job that I hated, deep down, all I knew was that I got paid and a good salary.
"You aren't worth more than a rat!"
"Mom, I'm not?"
"No, little one! You are just a gray shade in a society that doesn't need you. You will never do any good!"