I never meant to leave you

What would Elena do, if Damon all of sudden decided to leave Mystic Falls, to let Elena be with Stefan?


2. One month

I want to warn everyone about this chapter. It contains a lot of very depressive and bad stuff. Just to be clear, I am NOT encouraging cutting or anorexia. It is not well for your body, and a very dangerous thing.


Chapter 2: One month


-Elena's p.o.v.


I sat on my bed, tears streaming down my face, while I read Damon's note for God knows how many times. I nearly had it memorized.

It had been almost a month since I woke up with the note in a frame on my desk. My favorite photo was gone, replaced by a small note. A note I hadn't let anyone else read, and a note I always kept close to me. It was the only thing I had left from my best friend.

The letter really didn't tell me why he left. It did come with a reason, but I knew that wasn't the real reason. Damon hadn't left me, just because he was bored and needed to see new things. That couldn't be true. It hadn't taken me a long time to figure out why he had left. He had told me about his feelings for me. And of course I got scared, denied every feeling I could possibly feel towards him, and put as much distance between as possible. Bad move.

Damon was gone, and he wasn't coming back. He had made that very clear in his note. The first few days, I had been just as sad, just like when I lost my parents. I hadn't left my bed, only eating small bits of the food Jenna had brought me. I had been crying all the time, and didn't want to see anyone. When Stefan came, I ignored him, not wanting to talk to anyone. But he kept visiting anyway, of course without Jenna knowing.

After almost two weeks, I got out of bed, started going to school again, but I still didn't eat, and the thought of harming my self started to sound really nice. I know, that's not something pretty girl's do, and that's not something a girl with a vampire boyfriend do. But I did it. Started self harming. It's a miracle Stefan didn't notice, but I never let him see my arms or thighs.

He never knew about the nights I spend, sliding the small blade across my arms, my thighs, sometimes even my stomach. I made sure the blade was cleaned up afterward, and always kept my wounds away from him.

And then it had started making sense. Everything had started making sense. Damon wasn't just my best friend. I loved him. I had cried even more than I normally did, when I found out my feelings for Stefan was gone, and that I had fallen in love with his brother.

“Elena, there's someone here to see you!” Jenna called from the door, making me snap out of my thoughts. I quickly removed the tears from my cheeks and put the letter in my purse, as I walked down the stairs to the door. Stefan stood there, waiting for me, looking really good in his suit. I managed to smile vaguely as he stepped inside, gently grabbed my hand and kissed it.

“Are you ready to go, Miss Gilbert?” he asked, being the gentleman he is. I kept the weak smile printed on my lips and nodded. This was my senior prom. I couldn't miss it, Caroline had made that perfectly clear to me. So I had bought a dress, a cardigan and had made sure I looked somewhere near okay. And now I was going with Stefan.

I still hadn't told him about my feelings for Damon. I couldn't let my self break his heart, by telling him about it. And Damon had written that I shouldn't go looking for him. Maybe I would never see him again, and then why dump Stefan?

As we walked to Stefan's car, I couldn't think of anything else, than how much I wanted it to be Damon next to me, not Stefan. How could I not have noticed my feelings for Damon, when he was still around? I was sure they had been there for quiet a long time.

“You look beautiful, Elena,” Stefan said, as he opened the car door. I smiled and got in his car. “Thank you. You doesn't look too bad yourself,” I said and looked at my hands. I had gotten used to my body getting smaller, my bones getting more visible. That had to be what happened, when you don't eat.

The drive to the school was long. Much longer than normally. We didn't talk, while he was driving. He knew I wasn't in the mood for talking. I never was. When we reached our destination, I hurried out of the car and started walking towards the school, without waiting for him.

Stefan didn't take long to catch up and gently grabbed my arm. I flinched, as he touched my scars. He frowned and let go of my arm, only to put his around my back. I let him take me towards the school, smiled when people took pictures, but the only thing on my mind was Damon. How it should be Damon next to me, not Stefan.

Damon, Damon, Damon. I felt guilty. The only thing on my mind, was him. I shouldn't be thinking about Damon, when I was with Stefan. I should be thinking about Stefan. My boyfriend. My so called epic love.

But no. All I could think about, was his brother. The man that everyone saw as evil, sadistic and mean. A monster without emotions, as Caroline used to tell me. Both of them had been relived and happy, when I told them that Damon was gone. Of course I never mentioned my feelings towards him. They would hate me, and tell me how wrong I was.

I hated that everyone saw Damon as evil. He wasn't. I was sure of that. But only because Damon let me see the good things in him. His emotions, his true self. He always seemed to shut that part down, when others were around. I wished he hadn't.

I was grateful when we met Bonnie and Caroline. Okay, they hated Damon, which didn't really make me like them, but they were my friends. My only friends. At least they could take my mind off things. Caroline started talking to Stefan, while Bonnie got me away from the crowd of people, standing outside the school.

“Elena, I found Damon,” she said, going right to the point, as we stepped inside. The gym looked nothing like it self. The walls were full of balloons and other kinds of decorations, all in the colors red and white. In the back were a big stage, with a band, already playing soft music. But I couldn't afford to focus on the decorations. Not after what Bonnie had told me.

“Where is he?” I asked and looked at Stefan. Caroline had gotten him to go somewhere with her, probably to the hallway. Thank God for her. Bonnie grabbed the upper part of my arm and dragged me with her, inside the gym.

“He's in Georgia. Go now, take my car, then we'll distract Stefan,” she said and handed me her car keys. I frowned. Georgia? What the hell was he doing in Georgia? I had expected him to go somewhere very far away, like Italy or something like that. Not Georgia.

“Go find him, Elena. You two deserve each other,” she said with a vague smile. Did she know about my feelings? But I hadn't told her?

“You know?” I asked and frowned. She smiled and nodded. “Of course I do. Now, go get your man,” she said. I thanked her and started walking towards the hallway, hoping I would be able to find them quickly. I didn't want to waste any more time. I should have been looking for Damon for a month.

As I stepped into the hallway, I saw them, and felt the relief fill my body.

“Stefan?” I said, trying to get his attention. He turned around and looked at me, a smile printed on his lips. That smile disappeared when he saw my serious face expression and Bonnie's car keys in my hand.

Caroline quickly disappeared. Probably going to enjoy her senior dance. I wouldn't take part in that. Not without Damon.

“You're going after him, aren't you?” Stefan asked, speaking very quietly. I nodded. He sighed and started walking towards me. “Come on, I'll drive you home. Then you can go in your own car,” he said and gently put his hand on my back. I gave him a grateful look, as we walked in the gym again, to give Bonnie her keys back.


“I'm in love with him, Stefan,” I said, as we were driving home. I had no intentions to tell him. It just kind of burst out of me. A flash of pain went across his face, as I said the words he had dreaded, but it disappeared just as fast.

“I know...” he said, and pushed the car's speed limits. I felt my heartbeat sped up, as he went faster and faster, but I didn't say a thing. I was the one that had just admitted to be in love with my now ex-boyfriend's brother.

“I'm sorry,” I said, as he pulled up in front of my house. He got out of the car and pointed towards my backyard. I frowned, and looked at him.

“I'll help you get through your window to pack a bag. I don't think your aunt would be happy to see you come home so early, and leave with a bag,” Stefan said, and started walking to the backyard. He had a very good point. I put my arms around his neck, and closed my eyes as he used his vampire speed to get us into my room.

“Thanks,” I said and quickly started packing a bag. It only contained the most necessary things. Clothes, money, toothbrush, hairbrush and a small bag of make-up. I had no idea for how long I would be gone. Georgia was far away. At least I knew where he was.

“You ready?” he said. I had changed clothes, now wearing a pair of jeans and a tanktop, with my leather jacket on. I nodded, grabbed my bag and car keys and hugged him once again. As we landed on the soft grass in my backyard again, he left a small kiss on my forehead.

“Be safe, Elena,” he said and then disappeared. I heard his car starting, and knew he had left. Maybe this would be the last time I saw him. I quickly got to my car, turned the engine on, and started my trip towards Georgia. I knew exactly where Damon was to be found.


As I got out of Mystic Falls, I noticed the weather started to change. It started raining, and the clouds were dark. It was going to thunder. I nervously bit my underlip, but kept on driving. Damon wasn't going to stick around, I knew that. I had already wasted a full month. I had to get to him, fast. No stopping.

I ignored the skies, and kept my eyes on the road, focusing on getting to Damon. I would be safe when I found him. Or rather, I hoped that I'd be safe, when I found him. He had told me not to go looking for him, but I really didn't care. I had found out what I felt. I wanted to tell him, and I wanted to know what he was feeling.

The road keep getting darker and darker, and as the rain got thicker, I couldn't see a thing. I heard the first thunder and flinched a bit. This wasn't going to be a nice trip at all. I pulled myself together and kept on driving. I couldn't just stop.


-Damon's p.o.v.


I pulled in the parking lot in front of Bree's bar. This would be one of my last stop's, before I was going to Europe. For a month I'd been driving around in the states surrounding Mystic Falls, always wanting to turn around and go back. But I couldn't go back, not ever. I had made sure of that, when I wrote the note for Elena. She wasn't going to want to see me again. Not ever. And I couldn't go see her again.

I looked at the picture I had taken from her house. I always carried it with me. It was always either in my pocket or in my hand. I smiled a bit at her happy face, carefully put it back in my pocket and used my vampire speed to get into Bree's bar, without getting wet from the rain. A big lightning lit up the sky and a loud thunder followed. Terrible weather.

“Well, look who decided to pay me a visit!” Bree said, as I walked into the bar. I smiled, raised my arms a bit and kept walking towards the bar. She laughed as I got near and sat down on a chair. “Now, what brings your sexy ass to Georgia? And where's that girl you brought with you the last time? Elena?” she asked. I felt the dark veins under my eyes coming forth, at the sound of her name, and felt a small pain in my chest.

“Gone,” I said shortly and asked for a scotch. If she was going to talk about Elena, I would need alcohol, and a lot of it. Bree frowned and handed me my scotch.

“You killed her?” she asked, as I emptied the glass. I shook my head and put down the glass on the table. Did she honestly think I would kill someone as amazing as Elena?

“Of course I didn't kill her. I left her,” I said as she filled up again. She raised one eyebrow as I let the warming liquid slide down my throat. “You left her? What happened? You seemed like you were madly in love with her, when you brought her here?” she said and exchanged my glass with the whole bottle.

I grabbed the bottle, gave her a small nod and started drinking. She was about to say more, when a couple of very loud guys entered the bar, with a small girl in between them.

I couldn't care less about the people that entered, but I happened to be quiet hungry. The small group seemed to be teenagers. They didn't even look old enough to be at bars. But, hell, Elena wasn't old enough either when I brought her. They seemed to be at her age, and the girl actually looked like her. Thin, and the same color hair. But as she looked at me, I saw that her eyes were green, not chocolate brown like Elena's.

They sat down at one of the booths and talked to each other, while they figured out what they were going to buy. As the girl went to the bar, I sat down next to her.

“May I buy you a drink?” I asked, with my charming smile. No girl could possibly resist that smile. And this girl were no exception. “You may,” she said and smiled at me.

“Bree, a drink for...” I looked at the girl. She blushed slightly and muttered her name. “Candice! A drink for Candice!” I said, with my usual charming smirk.

One or two drinks later, she was almost sitting at my lap, her lips close to mine. I wasn't going to kiss her. But I would feed from her.

“Why don't you and I go out side and... Get some fresh air?” I asked and tangled my fingers into her hair. It wasn't near as soft and shiny as Elena's. I had to stop thinking about Elena! I had said my goodbyes, and I was never going to see her again.

The girl nodded and went with me. As soon as we got outside, still under cover from the roof of course, I compelled her not to scream, and pressed her against the wall of the bar. Then I quickly bit into her throat and enjoyed the feeling of her warm blood in my mouth. Not my favorite type of blood, she was O positive.

She was slightly moaning in my ear, and begged me not to stop. I rolled my eyes, and felt her heartbeat going down. I had to stop now.

“Why didn't you keep on going?” she asked, with a seductive voice. I sighed. “You don't remember anything about me. You started feeling bad, and went home. Your friend became a little too eager and bit you,” I said as I saw her eyes going blank. What would I do without compulsion?

I quickly removed the blood stains from my mouth and smiled as I walked into the bar again. I was going to drink a lot of alcohol tonight. But something removed my smile, as soon as I stepped into the bar again. I knew that scent.


Please be kind enough to leave a review! That would make my day/night!

I am working hard on a new fan fiction called 'Playing for change', that features Elena as a poor violinist in 1864! I am almost done with the first chapter! Have a nice day, people!

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