Chapter 18: Scars
Finally we had landed in America. It had been two days and I was still trying to recover from jet lag. I was so excited to play the American tour though. America is somewhere that I’ve wanted to play my entire life, and now it was finally going to happen. I just hope that one day, we are back here to play our own tour. That would be amazing. We arrived in Florida on the 9th of June, giving us four days to rest up before our show. The 1D boys had played two shows in Mexico before this. I was jealous. I want to go to Mexico!
But the weather in Florida was beautiful. A lot cooler than Sydney, but hot enough to be on the beach. We had gone shopping the second morning of being here, due to sleeping the whole first day. We were in Sunrise, Florida. Such a beautiful city. There were a lot of shops, and I probably bought way too much for my first day in America, but I couldn’t help myself.
On the third day before the show, we took a car down the beach. The boys, our head of security, and for some reason, Rylie. I found it strange that she as coming seeing that she had pretty much kept her distance from the band for a couple of weeks now. And when she was with us, she didn’t really talk to anyone except Calum, and Michael occasionally. I found this strange. Why wasn’t she talking to Ashton? I thought they were basically dating. It was interesting to see her reaction to Amber though. I could tell right from the second that Rylie saw her, she didn’t like her. It honestly gave me a feeling of revenge, which sounded horrible. But I could tell how much it made her mad whenever Amber was around. Honestly, I can’t stand Amber anymore. I don’t know why I ever liked her in the first place. Sure she is good looking, but her personality is absolutely terrible.
Anyways, the drive to the beach was awkward. She sat in the back seat and stared out the window with her headphones in. She was wearing a black long sleeve cover up over her pink two piece, with her hair in a loose braid with a white fedora. She was still so gorgeous.
We go to the semi-deserted beach and Calum and Michael literally jumped out of the van before it had stopped moving. You would think we don’t live in Australia or anything. When the van stopped, I jumped out and walked toward the beach, noticing Ashton walking slowly a few steps behind me. I waited a few seconds to let him fall in step with me.
“What’s up dude? You’ve been quiet lately. How is everything going with your friend Rylie?” I asked.
“Oh wouldn’t you like to know.” Ashton snapped at me. Woah. Hold up.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I said defensively.
“Like you don’t know, Luke. And you’re supposed to be my best friend.” Ashton said before storming off towards a concession stand down the beach a ways.
What the hell? What did I do to him to deserve that? Well if there’s one thing I know about Ashton, it’s to not approach him right after a confrontation. I just needed to give him time to cool off.
I laid my towel out on the sand and lay on my stomach to tan my back. It was rather pale. As I was lying there, I tried to come up with a reason for Ashton to be mad at me. There was no way that he knew about mine and Rylie’s past. I had covered up every side of it. Unless he knows something that I don’t know…like Rylie told her who the other guy was, and that guy was…me. Okay no. I was getting ahead of myself.
I sat up to turn to my back when I noticed Rylie about 50 meters away, sitting on the sand, just close enough to be hit by the tide. She had her legs pulled up to her chest, her arms around her legs, and her head resting on her knees. That was her ‘I’m upset’ sit. I had seen it a billion times. I looked around, and none of the other boys were anywhere near, so I decided to see what was wrong with her.
I walked the length of the beach and sat down to her left without any words. She continued looking to the right out at the ocean, but I could sense she knew I was there.
After a few moments of awkward silence, she finally spoke.
“What do you want Luke? Want to talk about how wonderful Amber is? Want to talk about how horrible of a person I am? Well save it, I’m really not in the mood to be lectured by you.” She said sassily. Ouch. But okay, I deserved all of that.
“I came over here to see what you were upset about.” I said quietly. I saw her eyes flick in my direction. When she saw the seriousness on my face, she turned here head to look at me directly.
“What do you mean? I’m fine.” She said with a completely straight face.
“Rylie, I’ve known you since we were five. I think I can tell when you are upset.” I said to her.
She continued to stare at me intently. After a few seconds her eyes squinted. She stood up suddenly and stormed off. It took me a second to react, but I jumped up and followed after her, grabbing her left wrist and twisting her around to look at me.
“What? What did I say?” I said looking into her eyes. I saw tears forming.
“Really Luke? You want to know what’s wrong with me? After completely ignoring my existence, putting me through two years of hell just to see you again and for you to tell me that you want nothing to do with me, YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME? Fuck you Luke Hemmings. You deserve to know NOTHING about what’s wrong with me. I can’t believe you.” She said angrily.
I felt like I had been slapped. She stared angrily with her beautiful green eyes into my eyes. I know it sounds cliché, but I saw the hurt. She pulled her arm to try and free her self from my grasp. In the process, the sleeve of her cover up was pushed up her arm. That’s when I saw them.
Very thin, almost invisible white lines. Dozens of them. It took me a few moments to realize what they were. Scars. I quickly looked up at Rylie’s face to see the panic in it. She pulled her arm harder, but I held on to her thin wrist.
“Rylie, what are these?” I asked, sounding firm, but feeling completely woozy. Her face softened for a minute in pain, but quickly hardened back to anger as she pulled her arm free from my grasp.
“None of your business Luke.” She said as she turned around and started walking further down the beach.
I gave her a few minutes to calm down. She sat down once again so that the tide would hit her feet as it came in. She once again sat with her knees to her chest, and arms around her knees, but didn’t put her head down. She stared straight out into the ocean. Did I do this to her? Did I cause her to hurt herself? I felt sick to my stomach. I had to know.
I walked slowly and quietly sat down a few meters away from her. I didn’t question her. I knew she would talk if she wanted to.
After a few minutes, that felt like hours she spoke.
“I didn’t know how else to get rid of the pain I felt. After you left me, I had no one. No one that understood me. I felt lost, confused and most of all, completely rejected. I had already felt like I was losing you before that day at the pool. And then I screwed everything up. I was alone. I couldn’t handle it. So I started doing this and it released the pain of not seeing you everyday.” She said in almost a whisper.
I thought I was going to throw up. I did this to her, my best friend of ten years. I am the reason the girl that I love so much, had harmed herself to get rid of the pain. I left because I thought I didn’t mean anything to her. I left because of my own selfish reasons, never once thinking about how it could have affected her. I left thinking that she would be better off. I was wrong.
Before I had the chance to say anything in return, Michael was ran up next to me.
“Guys! We have to get back to the hotel if we want to make our dinner reservations at 7:30.” He said with a smile. I looked over to Rylie. She was looking up at Michael, and gave him a small smile. She held out her right arm to him, he grabbed it and pulled her up. I watched them walk away and heard Mike yell something over his shoulder.
I stared out into the ocean, wishing that I could back to the day at the pool. Wishing that day would have never happened. It is the most horrible feeling in the world to see the person you care about the most be so hurt that they harm themselves. It’s even worse when you know that you are the cause of it.