The whole thing was a blur. The most amazing blur that I have ever experienced. I couldn’t even explain what it felt like to be up on stage in front of that many people doing what I love more than anything.
Even though no one really knew who we were, they were still respectful and screamed for us. Our twitter followers, YouTube views and website members skyrocketed after playing three shows at the O2. It was so exciting. Now were in a van on the way to Scotland. I’ve never been anywhere but Australia and England before so that was really exciting.
I opened my eyes to look at the van. In it were the driver, the other boys and Rylie. How she got to ride on our van, I have no idea. But I had my headphones on trying to avoid hearing her and Ashton flirt.
One of the only things I really remembered from the show was looking down into the crowd and seeing her front and center. She looked completely in shock. I reminded me that I never told her I could sing. It wasn’t something that I was comfortable doing in front of people until Michael told me I was good. The guitar was something that I picked up right after we stopped being friends. It helped me to not think about her.
But seeing her in the front row giving me a look of complete shock was great. It gave me confidence. Every show she was there. But now, she screamed along and was learning the words to our songs. That was really cool because I had written a lot of those words. Some of them about her.
I looked at her now. I was in the back row with Calum, Ashton and Rylie were in the row in front of us and Michael was in the front seat. She was seated across from me. She was leaning to her right against the side of the van, sleeping.
She looked so beautiful. She always did, whether she was trying or not. Like right now, her hair was in a messy ponytail and she was wearing sweats and a t-shirt. But she was still gorgeous. Her brown hair was always shiny and smooth. Her nose was straight and thin. Her skin was flawless with rosy cheeks. She had great cheekbones. Her lips were a light shade of pink and looked very soft. And there were her eyes. I’ve always loved them. They were such a beautiful shade of green. I always felt myself lose my concentration whenever I looked into them. Ever since I was five, her eyes have always affected me. Even though I couldn’t see them right now, they were engraved in my memory.
I had a flashback to the day after the pool. She showed up at my house. I had been locked in my room since then and my mom knew I was upset. All I had said to her was that if Riley came by, I didn’t want to see her and that she should leave me alone.
I heard the doorbell ring and I went and looked out the window from my room. There she was, trying to talk to me. I wanted to talk to her so bad. But I kept myself from going down there. I couldn’t do it anymore.
All the time I’ve known her, I always wanted to ask her to be more than friends. But I don’t think she saw me that way. She always talked about wanting to date a guy at her school that she had been in love with since I’ve known her. But he wasn’t good enough for her. I told her that numerous times, but she wouldn’t listen to me. The guy was a jerk and I knew that he would just break her heart. And he did.
The same year we stopped being friends, the guy asked her out. His name was Jason. They were to go to dinner and to a movie. I spent the whole week helping her get ready, all the time discouraging her from going on the date. But she kept insisting that it would be fine and they were meant to be together. I watched her ride her bike away to meet him, feeling like I had just been smacked.
At about 11:30 that night my doorbell rang. I had been asleep on the couch and I got up to answer it, confusedly. Standing there had been Rylie, with her face streaked with tears and makeup. I felt my stomach drop. I pulled her into a hug as she cried on my shoulder. I brought her into my house and demanded that she tell me what had happened. Jason had kissed her, but then automatically expected it to turn into more. He had tried to put his hand up her shirt. She got mad at him, and her yelled at her calling her prude and he left her at the movie theater by herself.
At that moment, I had never been madder in my life. What a complete tool. I wanted to kick his ass. But I kept my cool to calm down Rylie. I made her watch her favorite show to get her mind off of it. She eventually fell asleep on my couch. I texted her mom telling her not to worry because Riley was with me, and then sat there watching her sleep, just like I was now. I remember thinking about how I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. But I was scared. She didn’t see me like that. I was scared or ruining the friendship that we had. She would awkwardly decline me and I would have to deal with that embarrassment every time I saw her. There were so many times that I almost said something to her. Like that night. It took everything in me to not admit my feelings for her.
The van halted to a stop suddenly and brought my thoughts out of the past. Well that was all in the past now. I had to keep it there. No point in harping on it.
I would eventually get used to her flirting with Ashton. But what would I do if they started dating? That thought just occurred to me. That wouldn’t happen. Ashton was too focused on the music to get distracted by a relationship. Not to mention he had never been one for serious relationships. But still, I don’t know if I would be okay with that happening. But, it’s not like I would be able to do anything about it. I had set boundaries between us. As far as anyone knew, I had never met Rylie. And I had to keep that act, or open up all the feelings from the past.
It was hard to keep the act when I was still so in love with her.