A.N: ANY Lyrics used in this chapter are my own.
After Liam got shouted out of the room by a group of lads, i finally stopped tensing and let out the breathe i was holding in.
I closed the door and locked it before sitting back in the warm stool. My fingers traced the parts of the keyboard which was previously touched by the sexy brown haired boy who was recently in the room. After colecting all my music sheets i put them into a stck at the side. Grabbing my most recently wrote one and sliding it into my bag. I walked out of the door, locking it behind me, i passed the studio that Liam was called into. Pressing my ear against the glass i listened closely to hear someone talking.
" even though she didn't tell me her name i felt things like never before. She was really mysterious aswell as being shy. Her thoughts bottled up and clasped away from the world. I want to reach out and grasp the hand that will slowly let go."
I heard someone sing. Damn, they were good. There was just something about that sexy british accent.
"She deserves everything and more, the broken little girl. She's afraid and alone yet still sticks it through.
I want to be her saviour, i want to be her world. I want to stay with her forever, to help her through this fight."
An Irish one then sang. When listening to the words it made me realise how much it relates to me.
Shoving my phone in my pocket i fung my bag around and stormed down the stairs quickly, i walked out of the building and to home. If i was gone for two long my mum wouldn't be very pleased with me.
As i walked through our small purple door i instantly felt the glass smash against the wall. Some shars tangling in my hair or scratching my cheeks. I felt my arm jerk up as i was shved violenty to the ground. In a heap of tears, blood and clothes. I dropped my bag to the other side of the hallway.
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN STEPHENIE?!?!?!"
"I... I was at a friends" I stuttered Lieing to my mother.
"DON'T LIE TO ME STEPHENIE! YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS!!!"
"i..." i Didn't know what to say, she can't know about my music room, no way not at all.
"IF YOU AREN'T GOING TO TELL ME STEPENIE PACK A BAG AND LEAVING MY FUCKING HOUSE THIS INSTANT!! I WILL NOT TOLERATE LYING IN MY HOME. NOR WILL I TOLERATE LITTLE WIMPY BITCHES IN MY HOUSE EITHER. GET THE FUCK GONE!!!" Her face was inches away from mine, her face was a purple from her rage as i had speckles of her spit all over my face.
She dragged me to the bottom of the stairs by my hair. I was used to this though. used to the abuse, the hurt, the anger, the pain, the drunken state and i was used to getting thrown out.
I ran upstairs and started packing a bag, as i put in my essentials, including toilatries, clothes and water i slipped all of my life savings into my bag. I could hear mums laughter lighting up the whole house as she spoke to her friend on the phone.
"I've kicked her out again Karen, she can't keep being a disrespectful cow to me and get away with it no way. She doesn't deserve anything. I wouldn't mind seeing her in her grave, or watching her hang from a rope. I can't wait until i can plan her funeral. It willl be the most happiest day of my life."
I lost it again. I knew my mum didn't care, but i didn't think she felt that disgusted of me.
After zipping up my bags i walked my personal toilet. I grabbed the small zippy bag filled with fresh razor blades. I pulled on out and started using it on my wrist. When i'm in pain it brings a little bit of life out in me. Like i'm not entirely dead.
After wrapping a towel around my fresh cuts i pulled the sleeve of my jumer down, pulling open my window, i dropped my bag onto the floor below, grabbing my shoes and phone i climbed down the ivy that grew up the back of our house. As my sock touched the wet grass i shivered pulling on my shoes and running to my safe haven.
I could stay there for a while, until i find out what to do. I pulled open the big brass doors and after walking through them for a minute i reached my door, only it wasn't locked how i left it, instead the door was off its hinges.
My eyes widned at the sight of my keyboard - which once stood proud in the middle of the room- was now dismanteled and broken into tiny pieces. All of my sheet music was chucked all over the place. My cabinets smashed, the mirror laid in shards of glass onto the floor.
My sobs grew louder as i buckled, falling to my knees, then on to the glass on the floor. Everything i ever loved had been destroyed. I knew who had done this, mum. But this time, instead of hurting me. She broke me, i was now fully broken. No going back and no coming forward. I was broken. This was me, this was everything in my life, broken, unfixable and irreplaceable. I lost it, i had finally lost it.
Storming out of the building and behind it i stumbled through the woods, until i was deep enough to not be seen yet not too deep to not know where i am. I looked up, trying to find the suitable tree. The tree in which i went for last time. I saw it, hanging there, the noose still tied, the rope was slightly battered and wore from the birds and squirrels. But it was a rope, and it was good to use.
I got out a razor and walked over to a tree closer to the entrance of the woods. In the bark i then carved, "I hope you're happy" I walked onto the one a little further down from the entrance and on the opposite side, i then carved that one. "I just needed someone to grasp my hand and save me" Quoting the lines in which Liam previously sung.
I walked back over, my sobs had died down yet i seemed to be immune from everything. All other sounds where blocked out apart from the beat of my heart. It started slowing down, i stated slowing down. I had somehow made my way to the top of the tree.
This was it.
There was no going back.
And i put the rope around my neck it felt good to finally feel like i may belong.