3. Everyday Life
I should've showered hours ago. Instead I'm sitting here in front of my computer in a sweaty pajamas, eyes glued to the screen, desperately trying to distract myself from... Life? Loneliness? Boredom? Sadness? I don't even know. I prefer not to feel it. To absorb myself in pointless conversations on three different websites. Moving from chat room to chat room, to Facebook and Skype and back, desperately looking for a new message, looking for some of the attention I can't seem to get in real life. I'm tired. My neck, no, my whole back hurts from the many hours spend in front of the screen. The burning pain, the dizziness and those unnerving moments where I realize exactly how weak my whole body has become, are permanent reminders of how I didn't manage to keep up with the exercising, even though I promised myself and everyone else that I'd try, that I was serious this time, that I was ready to change my life. I wonder if anyone believed me or if they see right through my short moments of determination and hope. If they know it's only a matter of time before I'm lying in my bed again, staring at the screen with empty eyes, bored, apathetic and safe, lost in the endless distractions of the internet.