Sanity - it's a funny thing and she knows there's a fine line between crazy and normal but when you've spent your whole life being told your crazy it gets hard to distinguish.

And then there's Noah the boy that breaks her away from it all to world of sanity and coffee and music

But they won't stop until she's firmly back where she belongs - dead or alive...


9. Falling

Stuck Chapter 9

Falling wasn't as peaceful I'd thought it be. But I wasn't chaotic. A mix really of crazy thoughts and unbelievable clarity. It was like sleeping but the kind of sleeping where you want to wake up but you can't. Like a never ending nightmare of constant falling. The sea licking my useless body, my hair cascading over my face. It blurred everything , my hair was fingers of the wind pulling at my face, trying to get their nasty tendrils past my skin and to my soul, claiming it for the dead. I thought that if I was going to die then at least my last days had been my best. There was also a sense of injustice I had just began to live my life and it had been ripped away. Then again I thought I'd prefer death to going back to the hospital.


I had read about drowning being a euphoric way to die but I didn't see why. Why would slowly choking whilst water invades your lungs be peaceful. How was the feeling of life slipping through your fingers euphoric. It wasn't if anything it would be the least euphoric way to die, with a shot gun to the head it was instant. Falling to a brick wall would again be instant. But not drowning.

My body hit the water like a tone of bricks, sending pain throughout the veins of my body. I sank beneath the water, too numb to fight. The water was restraining, a force so strong it invaded my every anatomy, trying to weed its way into my mouth, head, lungs, heart. Not stopping until I would eventually become the water. Just a shell. I bobbed up and down gulping down air when I could but most of the time catching mouthfuls of dirt stinging water. It burnt. But I couldn't cry because the sea would tear them away from me. The tears where not mine just the salty water around. I ached to grabbed, to be with Vespa and Freddie and explain. I didn't want to die when I had just begun to live. I need to tell them, tell them all how much I loved them, how thankful I was that they were there for me. That they saved me when I was drowning in prison. The hospital although was not a salty ocean, mimicked the situation almost identically. In that place the workers were the water, suffocating, restraining and trying to steal everything from. I wouldn't let them have it though and I wouldn't let the water consume either. I kicked trying to break free but I just couldn't I was tired, tired of trying and always falling. I accepted my fate, I wasn't meant to escape and so this is what I got. I pushed the air from my lungs and stopped. The familiar sound of In the Mood' by Glenn Miller played in my ears, drowning out the presence of the water, silencing everything, all the thoughts, all the memories and most importantly all the regrets.




"Once upon a time there was a girl, a girl with beautiful long hair and eyes so blue you could dive into them like you could a swimming pool."
"Me." I interrupted, squealing.
"No but very close, besides this a bedtime story so close your eyes and let me tell it." Dad laughed, lifting my duvet up to my shoulders as I snuggled into my bed.
"This girl she lived with her mother and her father. They were very nice people and they lived in a beautiful castle filled with suits of armour and mahogany wood." Dad took a breath and pushed my hair over my ear.
"Her father was a very hard working man and every day he went to work in one of the biggest sweetie factories in the world. They made everything there, chocolate that changed flavour with every bite. Fruit gems  that exploded in your mouth and of course the boiled sweets that matched his daughters eyes perfectly." My eyes began to close just as my mum walked into the room, she sat next to dad and continued the story.
"At the sweet shop there was a dashing man with dark curly hair and a grin as wide as the Cheshire cat's. he was also hard working coming up with new flavours and all sorts of fantastical treats." I sneaked a look through my right eyes and caught them staring at each, I closed my eyes and snuggled further into the warm and inviting covers.
"Now." Dad continued. "Upon Christmas Eve the sweet factories owner through a massive party. With majestically dancers and iridescent dresses."
"It was beautiful." Said mum her voice light as though she was recalling it. Dad continued.
"There was this wonderful classical group and everybody had to dance like they did in the olden times. I paired with a lady and we danced away."
"The boy was a brilliant dancer  and just a little cheeky asking all sorts of questions and spinning me round and round. When the music finished though he was gone."
"He'd thought it be polite." I stifled a giggle. My five year old mind getting that they were telling me their story, if a bit exaggerated to make it more exciting. They soon dropped the act when they thought I had fallen asleep.
"I was distraught for days thinking I'd never meet him again."
"But I had a pitch at the factory to get a promotion, and the girl was on the tasting panel."
"We sort of ran into each other there and I knew him from the way he caught me in the same position he had held me at the ball." They paused and kissed each other lightly before snuggling into each others arms.
"They hit it off right away, the boy got the promotion and soon they were married with a baby on the way."
"And now they're  a family with a beautiful, intelligent and talented daughter." They kissed me with every word. They moved away from me and down the stairs of our house.
"And they said fairy tales didn't happen."



A hand snuck around my waist and pulled roughly, jerking me awake from my stupor. I was dragged through the water by a body, a boy with unbelievably strong arms. They tugged and pulled but for some reason my body didn't want toward the salty freezing water. Another arm grabbed at my legs and I was on the land again. I didn't want to open my eyes, I was worried that it wasn't Freddie who had saved me or if it was, that he'd still be annoyed and he'd of walked off.
"Is she breathing?"
I opened an eye cautiously. Seeing Freddie was like getting the taken years of my life back. I wanted to scream and tell him how I felt for him but before I could his arms were around me. I sunk into his body and fresh tears fell from my eyes. I blinked them away and jumped when I found Finn staring back at me, dressed in a wet suit.
"A thank you would be nice, after all I did just save your life."
"Not exactly the answer I had been looking for."
Freddie laughed, " Finn helped me pull you out the water."
I groaned inwardly, I didn't need to owe him a favour. "Thank." I mumbled.
"Come on." Said Freddie pulling me up of the soft sand. His wet hands as cold as mine. Finn stepped in front of us as we went to move.
"Can I talk to Cassie please."
Freddie didn't move.
"Alone" said Finn. I narrowed my eyes, confused to as why we wanted to talk. I just hoped he really meant talk, as opposed to sticking his tongue down my throat again. I squeezed Freddie's hand, assuring him I would be fine. When he was a safe distance away Finn began to speak.
"Who is that guy?"
I folded my arms over my freezing body.  "What guy?" I said innocently.
"The one that's looking for you and gave me a black eye. He was hanging around the beach yesterday."
My eyes widened. "You didn't tell him where I was did you?"
"No, I'm not stupid but who is he?"
"It's none of your business." I shoved his shoulder and moved past him angrily. He grabbed my arm and yanked me back round.
"Get off of..."
"I just saved your life and I took a punch for you. I deserve an answer."
I jerked my hand away and stared at Finn, he looked at me as though searching my face for answer.
"Crazy ex boyfriend?"
"Seriously he's like thirty!" I shouted.
"No, can you just stop. I don't want to talk to you about him."
"What is wrong with you." Finn shouted angrily.
"I don't want to talk to you about him." I screamed back. "He's not a good person that's all you need to know." I stormed off.
"If you don't tell me who he is I'll tell your friends he's hear." My insides froze. I turned to him.
"What is wrong with you?"
"I'm trying to help you." Finn came close, his eyes pleading.
"You have a funny way of showing it." I mumbled.
"If you tell me I can help you, I could tell him that you went to Dover to catch a ferry or something, just tell me."
"I can't"
"You can trust me."
"I can't."
"You can"
"Fine, he was a nurse at the mental asylum that we were falsely held in." I shouted.
Finn laughed. "Are you kidding me, seriously?" His voice grew in anger. "I'm trying to help you and you return that with feeding me a stupid lie." Finn stormed off. I stood on the beach confused, I gave him the truth and he thought I was lying? I sighed and walked back the house, wishing just the tiniest bit I had stayed under the water.

When I got home, I found it funny I know referred to it as my home, Lillian instantly bundled me into a blanket and made my change into some warm clothes. I listened through my door as she scorned Freddie for leaving me in the cold with a strange boy. I guessed she had realised the whole thing was a complete accident, or that Freddie just hadn't told her how I ended up in the sea.  I opened the door and found Vespa staring at me, armed raised in a knocking position.
"Why did he kiss you?" She asked me, through gritted teeth. I was expecting a 'are you ok?' Or 'what happened?' But not that. In the mad rush I had forgotten about Noah. I stood in the doorway and stuttered not quite sure how to phrase my answer. Roughly Vespa pushed me into the room.
"I thought you said you didn't have feelings for him?" She said arms folded as she stared me down. I sat on my bed, thinking carefully.
"I don't, I think he was just emotionally dazed. It was an accident I swear and it won't happen again."
Vespa raised an eyebrow. "We watched a show which reminded him of the.. Uh.. The hospital, i think he needed comforting and I was there. He probably thought I was you." I added on the last bit to make her feel better. After careful consideration she sat down on the bed next to me.
"He's a good kisser though isn't he." She said hazily. I furrowed my brow in confusion and thought it best not to say anything.
I closed my eyes tiredly and Spencer's face flashes across my eyelids.
"I have to tell you something." I turned to Vespa. "Um it's."
 Freddie popped his head round the door. "Cassie our foods ready, and Noah wants you Vespa." I inwardly cursed as Vespa got up and went to the door.
"Wait, what did you want to tell me?" I stared at Freddie. "It can wait." Vespa looked at me worryingly. "I'm really hungry." I added with a fake smile." 

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