Half Bad

He’s half white witch . . . half black witch. His mother was a healer . . . his father is a killer. He’s wanted by no one . . . but hunted by everyone.

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4. press-ups

The routine is OK.

 

Waking up to sky and air is OK. Waking up to the cage and the shackles is w h at it is. You can't let the cage get to you. The shackles rub bur healing is quick and easy, so what's to mind?

 

The cage is loads better now that the sheepskins are in. Even when they're damp they're warm. The tarpaulin over the north end was a big improvement too. There's shelter from the worst of the wind and rain. And a bit of shade if it's hot and sunny. Joke! You've got to keep your sense of humour.

 

So the routine i s to wake up as the sky lightens before dawn. You don't have to move a muscle, don 't even have to open your eyes to know it's getting light; you can just li e there and take it all in.

 

The best bit of the day.

 

There aren't many birds around, a few, not many. It would be good to know all their names but you know their different calls. There are no seagulls, which is something to think about, and there are no vapour trails either. The wind is usually quiet in the pre-dawn calm, and somehow the air feels warmer already as it begins to get light.

 

You can open your eyes now and there's a few minutes to savour the sunrise, which today is a thin pink line stretching along the top of a narrow ribbon of cloud draped over the smudged green hill s. And you've still got a minute, maybe even two, to get your head together before she appears.

 

You've got to have a plan, though, and the best idea i s to have it all worked out the night before so you can slip straight into it without a thought. Mostly the plan is to do what you're told, but not every day, and not today.

You wait until she appears and throws you the  keys. You catch the keys, unlock your ankles, rub  them  to emphasize the pain she is inflicting, unlock your left manacle, unlock your right, stand, unlock the  cage door, toss the keys back to her, open the cage door, step out - keeping your head down, never look her in the eyes (unless that's part of some other plan)- rub your back and maybe groan a bit, walk to the vegetable bed, piss.

 

Sometimes she tries to mess with your head, of course, by changing the routine. Sometimes she wants chores before exercises but most days it's press-ups first. You'll know which while still zipping up .

 

'Fifty.'

 

She says it quietly. She knows you're listening.

 

You take your time as usual. That's always part of the plan.

 

Make her wait.

 

Rub your right arm. The metal wristband cuts into it when the shack le is on. You heal it and get a faint buzz. You roll your head, your shoulders, your head again and then stand there, just stand there for another second or two, pushing her to her limit, before you drop to the ground.

 

One                 Not minding

Two                 is the trick.

Three                The only

Four                 trick.

Five                 But there are

Six                     loads of

Seven               tactics.

Eight                Loads.

Nine                  On the look-out

Ten                   all the time.

Eleven             All the time.

Twelve                        And it's

Thirteen          easy.

Fourteen         Cos there ain’t

Fifteen               nothing el se

Sixteen            to do.

Seventeen       Look out for what?

Eighteen          Something.

Nineteen         Anything.

Twenty            N

Twenty-one     E

Twenty-two    Thing.

Twenty-three  A mistake.

Twenty–four       A chance.

Twenty-five    An oversight.

Twenty-six      The

Twenty -seven tiniest

Twenty-eight  error

Twenty-nine    by the

Thirty               White

Thirty -one      Witch

Thirty-two       from

Thirty-three     Hell.

Thirty-four       Cos she makes

Thirty-five           mistakes.

Thirty -six        Oh yes.

Thirty-seven        And if that mistake

Thirty-eight         comes to

Thirty-nine      nothing

Forty                 you wait

Forty-one           for the next one

Forty-two           and the next one

Forty-three         and the next one.

Forty-four           Until

Forty -five           you

Forty-six          succeed .

Forty -seven    Until

Forty-eight      you're

Forty-nine           free.

 

You get up. She will have been counting but never letting up is another tactic.

 

She doesn't say anything but steps towards you and backhands you across the face.

 

Fifty                  'Fifty.'

 

After press-ups it's just standing and waiting. Best look at the ground. You're by the cage on the path. The path's muddy, but you won't be sweeping it, not today, not with this plan. It's rained a lot in the last few days. Autumn's coming on fast. Still, today it's not raining; already it's going well.

 

'Do the outer circuit.' Again she's quiet. No need to raise her voice.

 

And off you jog ... but not yet. You've got to keep her thinking you're being your usual difficult- yet-basically ­ compliant self and so you knock mud off your boots, left boot-heel on right toe followed by right boot-heel on left toe. You raise a hand and look up and around as if you're assessing the wind direction, spit on the potato plants, look left and right like you're waiting for a gap in the traffic and . . . let the bus go past ... and then you're off.

 

You take the dry-stone wall with a leap to the top and over, then across the moorland, heading to the trees. Freedom .

 

As if!

 

But you've got the plan and you've learnt a lot in four month s. The fastest that you've done the outer circuit for her is forty-live minutes. You can do it in less than that, forty may be, cos you stop by the stream at the far end and rest and drink and listen and look and one time you managed to get to the ridge and see over to more hills, more trees and a loch (it might be a lake but something about the heather and the length of summer days says loch ).

 

Today the plan is to speed up when you're out of sight. That's easy. Easy. The diet you're on i s great. You have to give her some credit, cos you are super healthy, super fit. Meat, veg, more meat, more veg, and don't forget plenty of fresh air. Oh this i s the life.

 

You're doing OK. Keeping up a good pace. Your top pace.

 

And you're buzzing, self-healing from her little slap; it's giving you a little buzz, buzz, buzz.

 

You're already at the far end, where you could cut back to do the inner circuit which is really half the outer circuit. But she didn't want the inner circuit and you were going to do the outer whatever she said.

 

That's got to be the fastest yet.

 

Then up to the ridge.

 

And let gravity take you down in long strides to the stream that leads to the loch.

 

Now it gets tricky. Now you are just outside the area of the circuit and soon you will be well outside i t. She won't know that you've gone until you're late. That gives you twenty-five minutes from leaving the circuit - maybe thirty, maybe thirty-five, but call it twenty-five before she's after you.

 

But she's not the problem; the wristband is the problem. It will break open when you go too far. How it works, witchcraft or science or both, you don't know, but it will break open. She told you that on Day One and she told you the wristband contains a liquid, an acid. The liquid will be released if you stray too far and this liquid will burn right through your wrist.

 

'It'll take your h and off ,' was how she put it.

 

Going downhill now. There's a click . . . and the burning start s.

 

But you've got the plan.

 

You stop and submerge your wrist in the stream. The stream hisses. The water helps, although it's a strange sort of gloopy, sticky potion and won't wash away easily. And more will come out. But you have to keep going.

 

You pad the band out with wet moss and peat. Dunk it under again. Stuff more padding in. It's taking too l on g. Get going.

 

Downhill.

 

Follow the stream .

 

The t r ick is not to mind about your wrist. Your legs feel fine. Covering lot s of ground.

 

And anyway losing a hand isn't that bad. You can replace it with something good . . . a hook . . . or a three­pronged claw like the guy in Enter The Dragon . . . or maybe something with blades that can be retracted but when you fight, out they come, ker-ching . . . or flames even .. . no way are you going to have a fake hand, that's for sure . . . no way.

 

Your head's dizzy. Buzzing too, though. Your body is trying to heal your wrist. You never know, you might get out of this with two hands. Still, the trick is not to mind. Either way, you're out.

 

Got to stop. Douse it in the stream again, put some new peat in and get going.

 

Nearly at the loch.

 

Nearly.

 

Oh yes. Bloody cold.

 

You're too slow. Wading is slow but it's good to keep

your arm in the water.

 

Just keep going.

 

Keep going.

 

It's a bloody big loch. But that's OK. The bigger the better. Means your hand will be in water longer.

 

Feeling sick . . . ughhh . . .

 

Shit, that hand looks a mess. But the acid has stopped coming out of the wristband. You're going to get out. You've beaten her. You can find Mercury. You will get three gifts.

 

But you've got to keep going.

 

You'll be at the end of the loch in a minute.

 

Doing well. Doing well.

 

Not far now.

 

Soon be able to see over into the valley, and -

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