George got a lot of texts and calls from Fawn and Julian but he never replied or picked up because he was too engrossed by Kimberly’s diary. His mother came in from time to time, giving him snacks and watching TV but she seemed so distant like she was still thinking about David. George didn’t understand why.
His mother strangely never asked about the diary but she did talk to him about school and his friends even though George’s replies were short and quick. George went back to reading the diary when his Mum stopped talking to him and left the room.
July 10th 1994
I have been avoiding Harry even though he has been calling the house non-stop, I’m pretty sure that William has picked up on it and has realised that something went on between us but he hasn’t said anything about it yet. Shannon hasn’t caught up yet but that’s probably because she’s slow whereas William passes all his tests with flying colours.
I wasn’t looking forward to go back to school on Monday but I knew that I had to even though it meant seeing Harry and it being awkward between us. I’m not saying that I don’t like him but he’s my friend and it would be weird to go out with a friend and if I have one boyfriend then it’s a slippery slope until being Anna. That bitch has like 10 guys going all at once.
Patricia called the house today and was telling me about Anna hoping that I was dead and announcing that if she didn’t kill me she hoped that I killed myself, pathetic. She also told me about how Harry was acting weird and I felt guilty about everything that happened. I hung up and cried because I thought that I had lost my best and one of my only friends.
July 11th 1994
It wasn’t as awkward as I thought it was in fact he acted like it never even happened and continued to flirt with every girl who was a part of the cheerleading squad, I hated him for that.
George felt really bad for Kimberly, her first kiss had been stolen and then the guy that did it treated her like shit. George just wanted her to be there at that exact moment so he could give her a hug and tell her that everything was going to be alright. But he couldn’t and he felt bad about it even though it wasn’t something that he could control.
He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration and carried on reading her diary.
Anna came up to me today and started telling me how sorry she was in a sarcastic way and her goons laughed cruelly. Patricia was there for me, of course, and started cursing and yelling for me but I stopped her and quickly left. Harry ran after us and tried to talk to us about it but I just wanted to get away from everything so I went to the girls’ bathroom and locked myself in a stall where I am writing my diary now.
I feel stupid for thinking that anyone would treat me different because of my ‘accident’, nobody cared except Patricia and Harry. I hadn’t even seen Madeline since I was with Harry that day but according to Harry she was hanging out with Anna and trying to be just like her. I felt betrayed.
July 12th 1994
Everything has gotten worse. Harry won’t talk to me, Madeline’s telling everyone my secrets that I thought I could trust her with and worse of all Patricia seemed to be avoiding me. I expected it from Madeline and even Harry but I am annoyed at Patricia and deeply saddened by at her actions.
In other news everyone’s talking about how after the holidays there’s going to be a new cheerleading team, not my cup of tea at all. Anna, however, is looking forward to being the head cheerleader again and Madeline is planning to be co-head cheerleader even though she always said that cheerleading was stupid.
The last week of school was bound to be a disaster for me especially since I apparently have no friends anymore. The whole school is against me when usually they just ignored me and acted like I wasn’t there. Life is terrible.
George didn’t know what it was like to have no friends or to be unpopular as he was this sporty popular person and always had been. He did know about being unpopular second hand though as Fawn wasn’t exactly popular but people knew her because of him.
Fawn was bullied a lot before she met George because of how different she was and Cara continued to bully her because of how close she was to George. Fawn told George about all the bullying but told him that it didn’t matter even though he could tell that it did.
Knowing that bullying and being humiliated hurt someone emotionally George felt terrible about what had happened even though it wasn’t his fault. He wished that he could have been there to help and be the friend that she needed at that time like how she was there for that girl that almost committed suicide which coincidently was what Kimberly wrote about next.
July 13th 1994
I met a girl today, she’s a really cool person and her name’s Catherine. She is such a pretty person, prettier than anyone that I’ve ever seen before. She has this amazing brown hair which is so soft and long and her eyes are just SO amazing they’re blue and green and so bright so you’re just drawn to them.
Anyway, I met her on my way back from school today, which was awful as usual, and I saw her on a bridge right on the edge about ready to jump off, there was a huge crowd gathered just watching and not even trying to talk her out of jumping. I pushed my way through the people in the crowd and got as close as I could without being uncomfortably close. I told her about what was going on in school with me and how upset I was but how I was still living every day because life is precious and how you could meet someone who could change your life forever.
She laughed and told me her story. She’s 16 and her Dad abuses her and has druggies in their house every day and it makes her scared, her Mum died giving birth to her and she thinks that’s why her Dad hates her. She wanted everything to end, the abuse, the drugs, and her life. Everything.
I told her that she could speak to people about what happened and they would help and take her somewhere safe. She turned around, looked at me with those gorgeous eyes and asked if I would go there with her. I said yes.
George felt a burst of pride because she showed hope for the human race and showed that there was a bit of compassion left.
George heard a bump upstairs and rushed towards the noise, dropping Kimberly’s diary on the way. He reached his Mum’s room and went inside where his Mum was sprawled on the floor and hysterically crying. He kneeled next to her and propped her up against the bed.
“Mum, what’s wrong? This isn’t about Dad again, is it?” George asked, overcome by worry as Lydia wiped away the tears that kept coming no matter what she did. “Come on, tell me what’s going on so that I can help.”
“Your father called me and said that he was sorry and wanted to come back but I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t say anything and he started to yell at me and then he hung up.”
George was fed up with his Mum being so pathetic and relying on his Dad. “Get a grip!” Lydia looked at him as if she was hurt but she stopped crying even though she looked upset. “I’m sorry, Mum, but you need to stop acting like Dad is a somebody, he’s garbage and you need to realise that.”
“I know, I guess I always knew but I was scared to be alone like last time,” She whispered.
“What do you mean ‘like last time’?” George asked and Lydia sighed like she knew this was coming eventually.
“When I was 16 my best friend committed suicide and she was the only person in the world that I thought I could trust and she was gone. I was alone in the world and I felt awful like nobody would ever be there for me again and I was close to killing myself as well but then your father came into my life and saved me. I didn’t want the person who saved my life to be out of my life because that would make me feel so low and I’d have that feeling again.”
George felt so bad that he thought so little of his father, the person that saved his mother’s life and without him George wouldn’t be alive. His Mum looked so sad and vulnerable that it was just a matter of time until she curled up into a ball and started sobbing all over again.
“You have me,” George said gently and Lydia’s mouth twitched into a small smile.
“Thank you, George, you’re right.” She stood up and so did George. “I have you and you have me. That’s the way that I like it, we don’t need David.”
George and his mother went downstairs and Lydia got to Kimberly’s diary before George could, examining it with care. She didn’t say anything but George saw a tear roll down her cheek as she gave it back to him.
“When you’re finished reading it come find me.” She quickly left leaving George confused but he sat down and continued to read Kimberly’s diary anyway even more excited about finishing it.
July 14th 1994
My story is in a lot of newspapers apparently keeping someone from killing themselves is news worthy. In school everyone treated me differently, with respect, and Patricia, Harry and Madeline started talking to me again. Something even weirder happened though, Anna started treating me nicely. She told me that I looked pretty and that if I needed anything not to hesitate to ask.
All day was weird actually until I came home where everyone treated me terribly except for William who seemed to have something else on his mind. I spent the rest of the day in my room re-reading The Virgin Suicides and listening to Madonna CDs that I stole off of Shannon.
My Mum came in a little while later and sat on bed, she told me that she was proud of me and what I did was the right thing to do. Then she left and never mentioned it for the remainder of the evening.
July 15th 1994
Everything is back to normal me being humiliated for being me and everyone wanting me to go off and kill myself. Harry and Madeline stopped talking to me and tried their best to avoid me but Patricia actually hung out with me again. She told me about Harry acting like a complete jerk now because he has like 6 girlfriends at the same time one of which is Anna. To be honest I was extremely jealous.
I got an A for my essay on why I thought the girls in The Virgin Suicides committed suicide and I was like the only one who even bothered to do it. Everyone in my English class called me a nerd and teased it and it made me think about how stupid it was to make fun of someone because they’re clever.
I’ve always been that person who no one cared about or noticed and now that I was the person that everyone knew and hated. I preferred to just be invisible.
It is finally Friday and the summer holidays I am not looking forward to spending a little over a month with my family. Most people are going abroad but not me, I’m staying at home and being treated like a slave.
July 16th 1994
I have decided to skip writing about my boring holiday as it is incredibly boring to write about. I am only writing this in case my future self (hello future self) decides to read it and wonders why there are so many days missing.
September 5th 1994
Back at school and it sucks as ever. Patricia and I did do a little hanging out during the holidays before she went to Spain with her rich Aunt Louise but that’s probably the most exciting thing that happened during the past month or so.
Everyone is excited for the cheerleading try outs but no one knows when it is so there’s no use getting hysterical over it. Harry and I don’t even exchange looks anymore let alone talk to one another. Madeline scowls at me and thanks to her everyone knows that I spent a month crying myself to sleep when I first started high school. To be honest, I don’t mind people knowing it’s not that big of a secret.
I have just realised that this is my last page of my diary so I’ll have to get another one or something. Anyway, future self, look for the next installation of my life this is it for now.
George felt disappointed. He thought that the ending of her diary would be more impressive but clearly he was just tricking himself into thinking that everyone’s life is interesting. He also thought that there would have been more even though it was a tiny diary. He seemed to enjoy fooling his mind into thinking that everything was what he expected.
George put the diary down and went into the kitchen where his Mum was enjoying a cup of tea while reading the paper. She immediately looked up when she heard him enter the room.
“Did you finish reading Kimberly’s diary?” She asked, getting up and walking towards him like she was excited about something.
“Yeah, so why did you want to know when I finished it?” Lydia smiled, knowingly, but didn’t say anything instead she led him upstairs to her room and opened the drawer to her bedside table. She hid whatever she got out behind her back and made him close his eyes and hold out his hands and he felt a cold square object in his hands.
“Open your eyes.” He did as she said and saw a Dictaphone in his hands but he was confused so his Mum continued to explain. “This is Kimberly’s Dictaphone. She said that she’s get a diary or something so she got this and since you’ve read her diary you should carry on.” She smiled at him but he was still confused.
“So, how did you get this?”
“I was like you, curious. I found the diary and read it and then found the Dictaphone and listened. It is very interesting,” Lydia said, her voice trembling like she was going to cry but she quickly left the room and George’s sight of view.
George couldn’t wait to listen to the Dictaphone and hear Kimberly’s voice but he was scared that it wouldn’t be what he expected so the scenery had to be just right. He went into his room and lay on his bed with his eyes closed thinking about what she could sound like, he just imagined a normal 15 year old girl talking but she wasn’t normal so it was hard to imagine it. He couldn’t wait any longer and pressed play, his eyes still closed.