If we make the same mistakes, over and over again...., is it really a mistake anymore? It's not that I don't believe in love it's that I'm afraid of getting hurt again, going through all of the hurt, the pain, the heartbreak, the depression. I'm just afraid. Afraid of myself... afraid of getting hurt, because it's not the goodbye that hurts... it's the flashbacks that follow. But yet I still keep coming back why are you so damn contagious?


2. Chapter 2

As the kiss ended I pulled away, in shock. I didn't know what to say, I just stood there like a complete idiot, speechless, but before I had the chance to even spit the words out. He left crying & yelling "I'm sorry." I ran after him, crying, I didn't want him to leave, but then again I didn't know how to feel, or what to think, or say. That kid was my best friend, and I mean I've had a crush on him before, but I never felt like he would actually like me. I mean look at me... I'm a mess. A total and complete mess, also who would love a girl with scars on her wrists? I shut the door, and turn around slowly, sliding down the wall. I'm biting my lip so hard, it began to bleed. I don't know how to live like this. Maybe life would be better without me. I mean people would be happy, most likely. There are so many thoughts that run through my mind, that cause me to get a headache. The room is spinning. I began to think about the kiss. I can still feel his warm, soft lips on mine and the way everything I thought about when away. I began to think about him. My best friend, one of the only ones who gets me. The one who I need in my life, so I can still live, or I will die, cause he is the only one who keeps me alive. He's the reason I get up in the morning. It used to be Calum, but now he doesn't give a fuck about me anymore, and left me like it was nothing. Like all our sweet talks, insiders, our hugs, the nights where I broke down right infront of him and he would just hold me. Where they for nothing too? What about me am I nothing to you? Was I just somebody you could use, walkover. Wow. It's funny how I'm used to it, but yet I still cry, and still love him.  The way I feel when I'm with him makes me happy, but when I'm not I'm sad. He means the world to me, but I guess I was just another girl. After all we ended over a fight. He probably hates me now.

( Calum's P.O.V)

    I pace back and forth, running my fingers through my hair. Thinking about what had happened just a day ago. I broke up with my best friend Natalie, I was so stupid and so foolish. I bite my lip tightly trying to hold back the tears, she meant everything to me. She was my world, and now she's gone. The flashback of the fight replays in my mind, "I hate you." she said running out and slamming the wooden door behind her. Those words stung like knifes in my heart, only then is when I came out of my phase. I was drunk, and I was yelling, more like screaming at her, making her cry. I never meant to do that to her. I would never do that to somebody I love, wait... is it love? Shit. Maybe it is. I have to get her back, my best friend, the person I love back. My world back, until then nothing will be the same ever again. She's the only girl I've ever cryed over. I'm lying in my bed, tossing and turning, my thoughts in my head are spinning in circles, all those memories of her in the back of my mind, replaying like a song on repeat. Her long auburn curly hair, that flows down her back, and her bright smile that would light up any room she walks in. I miss that. I miss her. I miss her flaws, and her imperfections, but she was beautiful. More than beautiful, but less than perfect, because nobody is, but she was pretty damn close. Her hips I miss... I miss the way my arms would wrap around her from behind and she'd look up and smile giving me a soft kiss on the lips. I miss the way her hands would fit perfectly in mine, and her perfect deep dimples on her cheeks, and the ones on her back. Her beautiful crystal blue eyes, that would turn to a silverly grey in the winter. I loved the way she flipped her hair off her shoulder. I love all the little things she did. Most of all I miss her, her by my side. My heart is aching so bad, I wish the pain would stop. The boys try to help me, but I don't like talking to them anymore. I don't talk to Luke anymore, because he's always with Natalie, and I can't look at her without crying anymore. Things are so bad. I miss how things used to be. 

( Luke's P.O.V)

Shit, Shit, Shit. I screwed up big time. The tears began to fall fast, & violently. My vision began to blur. I didn't want to screw things up between Natalie & I, and I believe I just did. But I just had to she was crying, and she wouldn't let me hold her. I just wanted to let her know that I love her, and I was always going to be here for her. I hated looking at her mascara stained cheeks, and all those tears running down. Her arms... I began to sob more. I fucked things up, and I will never be able to get her back, or we will never be the same again. Not as close. When I walk through the door, I run upstairs and slam myself down on my bed. I cried so much, I was gasping for air. A guy is not supposed to cry that much, or that hard. As the night continued, my sobs began to turn into sniffles. I cried to the point I was almost out of tears, and I think I might be. That girl means the world to me, and if I ever lose her, I will most likely kill myself, she means to much to me, she's like a sister, but I love her more than that too. I'd do anything to protect her. So many times I wanted to go and beat Calum's ass for breaking her heart, because she doesn't deserve him, she deserves me. Well fuck, no she doesn't cause who would love me? Or who ever could. I'm not the type of person people love, or even like. I lay awake staring at the ceiling for the rest of the night. Not even bother going to go to sleep because she would be in my dreams, but in my mind there she is. I can't get her out of my head, and most of the time I don't want her to, but something inside me is telling me I should get her out of my mind... but then again who would want to.. or who could?

( Natalie's P.O.V.)

    I run to Luke's house, still crying but I have to see if he's okay. I open the door to his house, and I walk upstairs and knock on the door. He doesn't answer. I open the door and there he is. His deep blue eyes lock with mine. "Don't just run away like that... you didn't even hear what I had to say. I need you Luke, I love you." He rose up from his bed, I ran to him, and his arms opened up and we stood there kissing. The way his lips were against mine, and moving slowly was perfect. His warm embrace, made me feel forget about all of my doubts, and pains. I just wanted to be in his arms forever. So I would never have to feel all of my depression again. He made me feel safe, but in this moment right now. I swear we were infinite.

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