Contagious

If we make the same mistakes, over and over again...., is it really a mistake anymore? It's not that I don't believe in love it's that I'm afraid of getting hurt again, going through all of the hurt, the pain, the heartbreak, the depression. I'm just afraid. Afraid of myself... afraid of getting hurt, because it's not the goodbye that hurts... it's the flashbacks that follow. But yet I still keep coming back why are you so damn contagious?

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1. Chapter 1

 

"Hush Nat.. It'll be okay." I hear as I cry into my best guy friend's chest. His strong deep Australian accent ringing in my ear, giving me comfort. He rubs circles in my back while I'm hugging him, trying to get me to calm down, and stop sobbing so painfully. "Did you do it again?" He said quickly rolling up my sleeve checking for my battle wounds. I cry even harder, "I'm sorry." I mouthed. All he did was hug me even more, then he gets up grabs the blades, gives them to me, he rolls up his sleeves, "Cut me." he said. I looked at him with blurry vision "never." I said. "Why?" he asked in tears also. "All those scars you have are every single time or moment when you needed me, and I wasn't there. I deserve those scars." I shook my head "I could never hurt you like that." "Then don't do it" He replied back, "because you are hurting me, Nat, I care to much about you to see you like this." He added while giving me another hug. His hugs gave me comfort, made me feel safe, and just for the slightest moment all of my doubts, and memories go away. It was night like these where I just couldn't take it anymore. I've been strong for too long. I miss him. I miss my boyfriend, he was the only one, besides my best friend who understood me, who was there for me, who actually gave to shits about me, and now he's gone. All gone... never to be mine again. 

 

     "You don't deserve this."  I pulled away from his chest, and said "Maybe I do, I mean after all everybody thinks I do, it's not just heartbreak I'm going through Luke, it's bullying, it's family problems, it's.. it's just to much.." I began to break out into more sobs even louder then they were before. "Who is bullying you?" He asked, "I'll beat the shit out of them." "No." I manage to get out of my sobs.  "I'm just trying to help Natalie, I care to much to see you like this, to see you hurt yourself, torture yourself, deal with this alone." "I know Luke, but I've dealt with this my whole life, and I don't want you to worry about me. I'll be fine, I always am aren't I?" I replied. " No you're not, he added, "I can tell by the way you act, and in your eyes, sometimes you aren't okay, and most of the time you aren't, but it's okay not to be okay. Just let me be here for you Nat... please." I cry even more, not even gonna bother in responding. His arms just wrapping around me even tighter, I bury my face into his warm chest, not wanting him to see me cry even more than I already am.

 

     As the night gets darker, my tears began to ease up, but my thoughts racing through my mind. I lay there, staring at the ceiling, luke laying right beside me. He never leaves me, until I fall asleep, because I have insomnia and it's very hard to go to sleep. I used to go to sleep easy when Calum was by my side hugging me, and holding me every night. No stop it Natalie you can't think of him, you're just going to cry even more. My depressing thoughts come back, and all the words that all of my bullies have told me come back replaying in my mind. I toss and turn, trying to get my mind off of it, but it just keeps coming back. I scream. Luke rises up, and wraps his arms around me. Slowly tears slip out of my eyes. I just can't take it anymore. Then my phone blows up, with a bunch of people saying "go kill yourself, ugly, whore, slut, bitch." I sent them a text which said "Why don't you do it for me? Put me out of my misery." I throw the phone up against the wall. Luke gets up and runs his fingers through his hair, pacing fast. Then he bangs his hand on the wall, and he lays his head there, crying. Sometimes it's even to much for him. "I'm sorry Luke, you don't deserve this. Why don't you just leave? I mean you would be happier, everyone leaves eventually. Why haven't you left yet?" He turns around "You wanna know why? Because I care so god damn much about you, and I never want to lose you." I stand up, and walk towards him slowly, and say "You are the only reason that is keeping me alive right now." Then he slowly grabs my waist, leaning me up against the wall, "I'm glad.", and right then and there he kisses me...
 


 

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