Love is....pain


5. No Choice and No Trust

I had to.

I had to give her it,give her all the power all the control.You may think I sound crazy but not after you hear the full story.

February 24:

I feel like Jays not telling me something.He was talking to my friend Karen and he told her" please don't tell her,not yet".I asked about it but he said not to worry about it then gave me a kiss and left.Bev.

She'll know.She always knows.But all she said was "I told u the same thing weeks after weeks but u never listen,don't get to attached to him.If you do trust me it won't end up pretty for neither of us,please just please listen to me"

What can go wrong with me listening to her every once and a while?I won't get too attached and see what happens

February 25:

The same thing has been happening.I feel like he won't tell me like if he's hiding something.I remember it all before.I go to my friend Natalia,they're like best friends if he's hiding something she will know about it.

She won't tell me.I beg and beg but all she tells me is that it will hurt me.I assure her that it won't and that she needs to trust that I'll be fine.I can handle myself.

She said that all he hold her was that he was breaking up with me because he just wasn't feeling it anymore.Ill admit it tore me apart.But I was happy.Bev was right.For some reason she's always right.

I had an idea.I wrote her a note saying"hey bev,you were right about Jay.I want to tell u something.I want to make a promise with you and no matter what you can never let me back out of it.Its for my own good.U've wanted it for a really long time and now u can.I give u control over my love life.All of it.U've always managed to protect me like if u were my mother.I trust u.This means that if someone ever asks me out u have the final decision,u can decide if I say yes or no.We are practically like family,u take care of me when I'm blinded by my own choices and I've taken care of you when ur boyfriends do something wrong to you,like when u were with Carlos and I stalked him for 2 weeks to make sure he wasn't doing anything,and to tell u the truth when u first started dating Gabe(her current bf) I went up to him,cornered him,and told him if he ever hurt u,he'd have to deal with me because if u were ever hurt I would search to the end of the earth and I would find him and stick my foot up his ass.Lol.Thanks for everything.And let me remind you,NEVER LET ME BACK OUT OF THIS PROMISE,EVER!

Love DD"

The next day he ended things.It was for the best that I give bev control because months after we break up Jay always comes back asking me to take him back and that he made a huge mistake to break us up,and well I don't trust myself with him.I love him,I will always love him because he was my first love,and my first kiss.I had no choice but to give her the control because I don't trust myself at all.

I always try to stay mad but he always comes asking me to be friends and to be honest,he's the only person that I can never stay mad at.If it was with any one else I could easily erase them completely from my life but with him it's different cause I've know him for more than half my whole life and if I erase him and all our memories I would lose everything because he was always there,either as my best friend,friend,or boyfriend.He just keeps trying to find his way back into my life and that can't happen again and now I don't have to worry about it cause I don't decide that any more,bev does.



Ps guys every story I write here is completely true.Its parts from my life.




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