I always hated the idea of therapy. I didn't want to go to some office of somebody I didn't know and talk to them about my "issues". But, I told my mom I would go for one session and if it "helped" I would keep going until I "felt better."
I took a deep breath and got out of my car and into the building. I couldn't help but feel like everyone was judging me or thought I was crazy. I took a seat and I started shaking. I was already starting to feel the withdrawal from the drugs, I kept wanting to walk out and light up a cigarette or something. But I just dug my nails into the arm rest instead. After what felt like an eternity, a lady came out and called my name. I looked up and she motioned for me to follow her. trembling, I followed her into an office that resembled more of a living room.
"Go on, get comfortable. Would you like anything to drink?"
"Just a glass of water, I guess." She nodded and grabbed me a glass of water. I took a seat on the couch and my knee started trembling again.
"Not at all." I wasn't lying. I just didn't want to be there. Her mouth formed the shape of an "o" and began writing things down.
"Okay, well I'm Dr. Theresa, and don't worry. You don't have to tell me anything you're not comfortable telling me. Everything stays in this room unless I feel it is a threat. If you told me you are planning on killing yourself or anyone around you, I will have to report it. Other than that, it's just going to be a normal conversation, okay?"
"Okay." I replied simply. I remained silent as I looked around the room at the various paintings and pictures on the walls.
"Want to tell me what's bothering you?"
"Oh, nothing. Just that I told my boyfriend of 3 years that I cheated on him and now he hates me, so I started doing drugs and my family thinks it's tearing us apart so my mom made me come here. Other than that, I'm just peachy!" I fake smiled and gave her a thumbs up.
"Were you having issues before you cheated on your boyfriend?"
"Not at all. We were fine. Things with other guys just kind of happened, I don't know..." My voice trailed off and tears started forming in my eyes. I haven't talked to Nate or Ashton since the break up. Luke and I sometimes met up for coffee or lunch whenever I wasn't getting stoned with Mikey and his stoner buddies.
The session ended and I realized I was feeling better. Dr. Theresa did tell me she wanted me to see a psychiatrist in case I did have a mental disorder.
"So, I will see you next week?"
"Of course. Take care, Ellie. And remember, don't do drugs or drink just to fill and empty void." I nodded and walked out. I slowly walked to my car and went to see the psychiatrist the therapist recommended.
After various tests, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and anxiety. I sat in my car, taking it all in and letting it sink in. I let out a huge scream and started to cry. I was broken and there really was no fix. I took my phone out and called the only person I knew would answer.
"Hey, we need to talk. Meet me at the usual place." I hung up and drove to a coffee shop a few towns over and waited for Luke.