“I thought you wanted to make things better?” I almost scream in his face.
“I do, but I still don’t want you getting too close to him,” he replies, getting a bit frustrated himself.
“Zayn? Did you not hear anything I just said?” I ask incredulously as I pull my hands away from him.
“I heard you just fine, but you still have Vi and me to talk to,” he says, keeping his hands on my shoulders.
“You’ve changed, Zayn,” I sneer, throwing him off of me.
“I’ve changed?” he shouts. “You went into a fucking depression for months, Arielle! You wouldn’t tell me out of everybody what happened! You cut yourself! You don’t think that you’ve changed?” he screams as all of the boys try to comprehend the scene in front of them.
“You cut yourself?” Louis asks me, obviously taken aback.
“Yes,” I said under my breath, not proud of my actions in the past few months.
“Yes, she cut herself! Worst of all you just never told me why,” Zayn yells again before bringing his voice to a quiet plead. “I just want to be able to help you.”
“I know,” I whisper before standing and heading to the bunks.
Luckily, no one attempts to talk to me after I leave. I don’t cry. I don’t feel sad. I am beginning to feel numb inside. I don’t know whether to be grateful or scared that I can no longer feel the large pain that was previously in my heart.
I wake up a few hours later when Harry again shakes me awake. Apparently I have a room with Louis this time. I smile just a bit at this. I really like Louis. He is fun, but also is able to be really caring and sweet.
I take my luggage up to our room as well as a key card as I try to avoid Zayn and Niall. When I walk in, Louis is already laid out on the bed watching TV. When he sees me, he mutes it.
“Do you want to talk about earlier?” he asks, concerned.
“Not really,” I murmur as I drag my stuff over to the other bed.
“You know you will have to talk to somebody eventually. It is not healthy to hold all of this inside."
“I know it isn’t. I just need to find the one person I can tell. I thought I almost had, but...” I trail off.
“But it’s Niall and Zayn won’t let you near him,” he finishes for me and I nod. “Arielle, you have to stop listening to what other people tell you to do. I know for a fact that it is killing Niall to not be able to go near you, and I’m pretty sure it is the same with you. If you think that he might be the one that you eventually tell, then you have to ignore Zayn and go talk to him.”
Louis knows exactly what to say. I walk over and hug him.
“Thank you, Louis,” I whisper.
“No problem, love,” he speaks into my neck.
“Why can’t you tell Zayn?” he asks curiously after I walk back over to my bed and sit down.
“I was going to tell him on one of the first few days I came out of my... depression. I didn’t when I found out he was so angry with me, though. I just want him to be able to listen and comfort me when I do tell him, and I don’t feel that he will if I tell him now,” I utter.
“And what about your cutting? You don’t do it anymore, do you?” he asks, lifting up my wrist before I can answer. He's confused when he sees no scars.
“I don’t cut anymore. I promise. That’s not where I did it if you are wondering,” I say as I lift my shirt up a few inches.
Just above my right hipbone are ten perfectly aligned scars that I would cut over top of repeatedly. He runs his fingertips over them gently before pulling away and smiling a sad smile at me. I drop my shirt again.
“I am going to talk to Niall,” I say before exiting the room.
I walk over a few doors to where Harry and Niall are.
Here goes nothing I think before knocking.