I walked up to the marble podium, my hands sweating and shaking. I tried to calm my breathing down but it only quickened and before i knew it my eyes were blurry with tears.
I looked out at the audience in front of me, family, friends. Crying for her, her death and the fact shes never coming back.
Shes never coming back.
I stood up at the stand and cleared my throat. A few warm tears dribbled down my cheek as a began to read with a trembling voice.
"Carrie was my bestfriend. She was my soulmate almost. We were always there for eachother and she always had my back no matter what i did or what mistake i made. I remember one time, when we were fourteen, I wanted to wear a pink dress to this girls rave but she told me it was hideous. I cried for ages while she stood there laughing at me, tears streaming from her beautiful eyes but i am thankful that i didn't wear that dress. I am thankful for her wisdom. Carrie was an amazing person and no matter how hard i try i will never forget her, she was to beautiful to be forgotten. I will never forget the memories we made together, the times we sat in her room talking about boys, watching movies we weren't allowed to watch, shopping for heels for the first time, trying on thousand pounds worth of dresses in Quiz, getting kicked out of McDonalds for dancing on the table, bursting out in laughter at a royal ballet performance and last of all being with her. Her jokes never failed to cheer me up, her smile lit up the school, lit up my day and i am forever grateful that i was in her presence for the short time she had. I'm not sure what happened to her, i guess her strings broke."
I took a deep breath and let the escaping tears fall into my hands. The room was silent, everyones eyes on me.
"She always told me about her strings, how strung together we were and how we could break at any second, any day now. She broke, it was her time. She believed in fate and destiny, all the things i never had faith in until she reasoned with me. She told me how tomorrow i might die, or the day after, or the day after and i cant change that. Our death date is set, our headstone is there in the ground with our name on it and it will be there until we die. Carries headstone was set, she believed in fate, she believed she had to leave if it was what God wanted for her. No one ever told her different because Carrie couldn't be argued with."
I let out a sniffle and a small sob rang through the church, Carries mum had tears streaming down her face but she nodded for me to go on.
" She was all strung together, perfectly, but i guess one by one the strings snapped and her world came falling down. I love Carrie; present tense and i always will. She was my only friend and i knew i could rely on her no matter how angry we were at each other, no matter how much we 'hated' each other because we were the perfect two. In a way i am happy that Carrie is gone, we will miss her and i'm sure shes missing you like heck but maybe the pain was to much for her to carry on. I mean, if it was you how would you like the weight of the world dragging you down, the light pulled from your day and the twinkle darkened in your eye? Exactly. I will forever be grateful for Carrie and her beautiful existence and i know i speak for everyone here when i say we would do anything to get you back. Anything. I never went and i never will go a day without thinking of her, i cant. She is to loud and significant in my life that i cant forget her, the memories. I will never let go."
"I am so sorry. I didnt give her a shoulder to cry on, i wasnt the friend she needed by her every second and believe me, if i could turn back time, i would. I will be eternally guilty for this, i was a bad friend when she was in need, i left her to fight for herself, i taunted her in a way. I am sorry that you have lost someone you love because i know how it feels, i have been torn away from the positive light in my gloomy life. There is no more laughter, no more joy, no more sarcasm, no more lectures and no more honey im home's. She was my life. She might have been your life. But it was her life and i accept that she wasnt happy. I wont call her selfish and i wont blame anyone, except myself. Carrie has move to a better place and i think we all know that she is happier than she ever was here. Believe me, i will never get the image of my best friend hanging from the shower rail, dripping in her own pure blood out of my mind. She had so much to live for yet she gave it all away."
I sobbed and wiped my eyes as the memories came flashing back to me, Carrie and me jumping on the bus late, leaving school when we werent allowed, stealing kids balloons, taunting her little sister, dressing up her dog Jacob and boucing on her trampoline in the freezing winter in bikinis. That was the last good day, the last good day with Carrie.
I ran a hand through my hair as i leant into the microphone and said.
"Even though her life was short. It was so goddamn beautiful."
So im working hard on this story, please follow me on instagram and wine @pippa_watson