Just over an hour into the flight, I was only halfway through all my homework assignments. I was about ready to call it quits.
The change in altitude had not only made my ears pop, but made my head start to throb with shooting pains. Combined with the heaping pile of mind-taxing homework and upbeat music pulsing through my headphones, I wanted nothing more than to crawl into a dark, quiet place.
My eyes wandered away from the papers in front of me out the small plane window. It was so pretty up here. The only thing I could see outside my window was the sky. Any other time I would have thought it to be peaceful and beautiful. My throbbing headache however, forced me to close the shudder, blocking out all the sunlight from my eyes.
I gathered up my papers, put them back into my folder. I pulled out two Advil and knocked the blue pills back with a swig of water. I sunk down in my seat and switched the upbeat music to a meditative playlist. My eyes closed and I entered a world of peace, relaxation set in and my thoughts took over.
"Will Luke ever realize that I am in love with him? It's been almost four years and he still sees me as nothing more than a friend."
I have never been the type of girl that drools over the opposite sex. If I find a guy attractive, I'll be a little flirtatious, but I was not the type to develop major crushes. A part from Luke Hemmings and a boy from grade school, I usually didn't give them a second thought. I kind of blame that on Ryan, the boy from my third and fourth grade classes in Elementary school. It was quite a traumatic experience for an eight year old.
My crush on Ryan Peters lasted through both school years and that was before I knew you were supposed to keep your crush a secret from everyone but your best friend. Without such key knowledge, I asked him what it was like to be such a Hottie in the middle of the lunch room. His twin sister thought it would be funny to remind me of it everyday and I eventually had to move schools. I was too humiliated to go to school, so I transferred to Alden.
Let's just say I never saw Ryan again and my days of crushing were over. Until Luke Hemmings came along that is.
I had one or two boyfriends in middle school and high school, but nothing serious. Not even serious enough to have my first kiss. None of them lasted longer than a few weeks. I didn't really mind though, I planned on going to college and falling in love there. Again, until Luke came along.
Most people would say that my crippling love for Luke was nothing more than the crazed hormones of a teenage girl with too many emotions for her own good. Now I'm no expert, but I'm not sure that normal crushes last for almost four years. Sure there are some girls that are 'in love' with celebrities for most of their lives but I am not obsessed with Luke and I don't stalk him, that would be taking things much too far.
Luke was really special to me though. I believe that my feelings for him are ones of true love. I love everything about him.
I love his smile. I love his eyes. I love how he shy he is when he first meets someone. I love how responsible and sensible he is. I love the way he hugs me tightly, like nothing can break us apart. I love the way his eyes light up when he laughs. I love the way he is obsessed with emojis. I love how he always ends his texts with that dumb smiley face with the nose. I love how much he cares about his family, his biological family, his band family, and his 5SOSfam family. I love how he gives the best advice. I love how he doesn't judge people. I love how he can make me happy just by smiling. I love how awkward he is. I love how he is obsessed with band tee's, black skinnies and vans. I love how passionate he is about everything he does. I love how adorable he is when he tries to be funny. I love it when he tells a joke wrong and scrunches his nose before he starts over. I love how he will do anything to make people happy. I love his big heart. I love how weird he is. I love how much he loves music. I love it when he farts and pretends it's not him. I love him in general. He is so amazing and he doesn't even know.
I can't help but be happy when I'm talking to him. He brightens my day in every way possible. Even if I am in the worst mood, a text from him makes me smile without him even realizing it. He makes my heart race with the simplest of gestures. He makes me sad and happy all at once. When I listen to their songs, his voice makes me miss him. I hate the feelings he gives me, but I love them. I want them to go away, leave me alone, and let me move on, but I wouldn't trade them for anything.
As much as I want to tell him how I feel, I don't want to ruin our friendship. Luke being my friend and not knowing is better than him knowing and it ruining our friendship. I still hold out hope that he feels the same way , but I don't think he does. Why would he? I am just plain old Marissa, an average girl from New York. I can't do anything special like a back flip or play an instrument. The only thing I am good at is eating, having panic attacks, and finding things on the internet to occupy my free time. Why would a teenage boy with millions of girls throwing themselves at him love a girl like me?
"He wouldn't, Marissa, that's why."
I felt someone shake my shoulder, and my eyes shot open before I ripped my headphones out. Panic shot through my veins, and my muscles tightened. I sat up in my seat and my eyes shot around to see a frightened air hostess.
"I'm so sorry Miss, I did not mean to scare you." I sat back into my seat and let out a deep breath. "Would you like something to eat or drink?" All that for crappy food? Fantastic, now my head is throbbing even worse! I unlocked my cell phone and paused my music, glancing at the time. 6:23 P.M. EST.
"No thanks, but do you have any pain medicine though?"
"Yes, we have Tylenol, but you must be 18 years or older for us to give you any without parental consent." I sighed as she put a fake smile on her face and rolled her cart away. Great.
I might as well take a nap. I took my hoodie and turned it around so that it was on backwards and I put my hood over my face to block out the sunlight seeping through the nearby windows. I stuck my headphones back into my ears and drifted to sleep listening to a flowing river.
The heavy darkness of sleep began to lighten as I started to wake up. I took a deep breath and my eyes fluttered open. In front of my open eyes was all darkness. I began to feel like I was being suffocated, my breaths coming and going in short, rushed puffs.
I tried pulling the cloth off my face but my fingers were not cooperating with my frantic mind. I began to flail my body in order to remove whatever it was that was covering me, even though it was doing nothing to help, it was a reflex. I knew that I was having a panic attack, but I had no way to control it. No matter how many times I tell myself that I am OK, it makes no difference.
I must have woken the business man next to me because I felt the dark fabric being removed from my face and my wide, flustered eyes shot over to the very concerned looking middle-aged man.
"P-p-p-panic at-tack" I stuttered out and a look of understanding crossed his face as he began to try and calm me down. This not only helped me immensely, but it restored my faith in humanity. Not all people would help me, most of them would have requested a seat change. After about ten minutes, my breathing began to slow as well as my heart. Exhausted and ready for a nap, I heard a quiet voice beside me speak.
"My daughter has panic attacks as well. I guess it came in handy, although i do say you are the only stranger that I have had to console."
"Well I'm glad to have given you the chance." I smiled.
"Honestly, I thought you were just having a bad nightmare."
"So how old is your daughter?" I changed the subject, hated talking about my panic attacks. He seemed to catch on and humored me.
"She is almost twenty four years old, she has had them since she was about fourteen."
"That's tough," I said, we talked for a long time and before we knew it, the captain announced that we would be landing shortly and that we should buckle our seat belts.
Jack was actually really nice, I found out that he was divorced and had a son and daughter that lived with him. His son was a roof Thatcher and his daughters panic attacks prevented her from working. He had asked me what a 16 year old had to do in England and I told him all about Luke and 5SOS. I mean who was he going to tell, besides he only knew my first name. I got a little nervous when he told me that his daughter was a big fan of One Direction, but he reassured me he wouldn't say anything. He also said that he knew all about having children with friends all around the world. It was nice for a change, talking to someone that had such a different life than me. Especially not a teenager with teenager problems.
As I packed all my things away in my backpack, Jack and I continued to talk. We chatted all the way through customs and to the luggage carousal. As we waited for our luggage, I turned towards him and gave him a big hug.
"Thanks for helping me with my panic attack, not many people would have."
"It was no problem, Love. What kind of man would I be if I didn't?" I laughed and I looked around the airport, seeing a hooded figure with sun glasses and tattered vans on his feet, I smiled over at him even though he didn't see me yet and turned back to Jack.
"Hey, good luck with that boy. I'm sure he cares very much for you, don't give up hope." I smiled and hugged him again before grabbing my suitcase and saying a final goodbye. I made my way over to the hooded figure, putting on the best fangirl voice I could muster. Making sure I wasn't too loud, I squealed.
"Oh my God, are you Calum Hood, AHHH!" He tensed and started to turn around.
"Yes, but please don't say- Oh you little shit, Come here!" He grabbed me and pulled me into a tight hug, lifting me off the round and spinning me around.
"You just scared the living shit out of me, you meanie! Not cool, Bunny!" I giggled and pinched his cheek, giving him a puppy dog face. He pulled me into another hug and buried his face into my neck mumbling an "I missed you" into my plane-stiff hoodie. He was just so adorable.
"I missed you too, Rabbit! Now let's go surprise some bitches!" He let go and grabbed my suitcase. He pulled it behind him as we excited the airport and made our way to the car park.
This should be fun!