A helping hand.
I just sat there. I didn't cry. I just sat. Have you ever had that moment where you just think, and feel like living just isn't worth it? Ya, that's exactly how I felt right then, like a failure, I can't do anything right, I never have, and never will. I slowly stood up and walked back towards the bathroom, I didn't close the door yet, I just sat on the floor in the exact spot I had been before and I just thought, about everything. What if I wasn't gay? What if Nick was never my boyfriend? What if I never met Niall? That would all suck, but I deserved all the pain that I received. I went over to the sink and grabbed the bag I stuffed the razor down, and dug through it. I found the razor and shut the door, then locked it this time just in case. I sat back down and grabbed more toilet paper on the way, this time I rolled up the opposite sleeve and I cut. 1 for being gay, 1 for being a fuck up, 1 for hurting Nick, 1 for hurting Niall, and about 10 more for good measure, I stood up slowly, feeling slightly light headed and rinsed off my arm with cold water, wincing when it touched my skin, I jumped when I heard a loud banging against the door.
"Shit" I threw the blade away and ran towards the toilet and flushed it.
" Im just peeing!!" I yelled as I opened the door. Harry gasped and I followed his eyes down, I forgot to roll down my sleeve.
I limped slightly to the bathroom, having to wee. I turned the knob, and frowned when it wouldn't turn, it was locked. We never locked the doors, ever. I pounded on the door slightly worried.
"Shit." I heard Matthew mumble on the other side then. "I'm just peeing!" He yelled.
I listened and heard nothing. I was about to bang again when the door opened. I looked at Matthew and saw his blood shot eyes, and sweat beading at his forehead. I narrowed my eyes, he was hiding something. My eyes travelled down his body and I gasped as I saw about 15 fresh cuts, that were bleeding slightly. I felt the familiar itch on my wrist, calling for a blade. I pushed it down and grabbed his arm, and pulled him back into the bathroom.
"Why?" I asked and grabbed the alcohol, I put his arm above the sink. "This is going to hurt, but it will ease the yearning of wanting to cut..." I said and quickly dumped the alcohol on his cuts.
Matthew yelped, his eyes wide with pain, but he slowly breathed out a shaky breath..
"Why?" I asked again, as I rinsed his arm off.
"I...I..I just can't take it anymore." He mumbled, as I grabbed the gauze and wrapped his arm.
"Can't take what?" I said meeting his eyes for the first time, I wiped some stray tears away with the pad of my thumb.
"E..Everything.." He started sobbing.
I wrapped him into a hug, while rubbing his back gently. "Shh, Shh, I know it's hard. I know. You're strong though." I said letting him go and putting my hands on his shoulder, then locked eyes with him . "I can tell."
"But...But... How did you know about the alcohol." He said clearly trying to change the subject.
I stiffened. And let out a sigh. I quickly pulled my shirt above my head revealing scars on my chest then took the ponytails off my wrist revealing more scars.
" this is how I know it gets better. I know for a fact, you will win this. You will beat it, whatever this is is." I said, my voice strong, yet gentle.
He stared at my scars, and his lips quivered. He walked toward me and traced a scar that said "fag" and I let out a shaky breath, and I grabbed his hand.
"Why? Harry? Why would you do that to yourself, you're a beautiful person. And you have amazing talent!" He yelled.
"I know this now. Now it's time for you to learn that." I said as I slipped my shirt back over my head.