2. Going Back
I stare out the window as I go to the land. My dad tries to make conversation with me but I zone out. I nod and seem interested but inside I scream. I want it to stop. I want to stop acting. But I'm shattered. Shattered things can't be fixed. So instead I curl up in my seat and hold my breath trying to not cry.
once i'm down at the land I put on my navy boots and start walking down to the river. The gravel rocks and sweet clean air make me feel peaceful; but not happy. Then the gravel road turns into a dirt road. its not really road. just a couple feet wide space with no trees. I walk on, Birds chirp and I squeeze my eyes shut. Memorize clash in my head and I shake my head. I cover my ears and scream. This is why I came. Because nobody can hear me. For miles and miles nobody can hear.
I reach the river. Wildflowers cover the banks, The river does not gush downstream but instead it stands still. a canopy of trees surrounds the water and provides shade for me. I turn my head and see it. The wooden cross. the daisies placed on the grave. That's when I lose it. Screaming. Crying. Pleading for her to come back. I curl in a ball on the ground and sob until I fall asleep.
When I wake up its still afternoon. but I must have atleast taken a hour. I know my crying is over, for now atleast. So instead I sit with my back on the cross a pull apart wildflowers. "this week was hard" I say staring up at the blue sky. "I missed you. I cried a lot. I prayed a lot. You didn't come back." I say. The earth stand still. I know she's not coming back. But I also know I keep hoping for something.