Dealing With Death

Sequel to The Reason Sirius Doesn't Love Anymore. It has been six years since Belief's death and everyone is in their seventh year. Sirius still isn't the same. James and Lily are officially together and Severus is no longer tolerated by anyone but the Slytherins.


3. Christmas

Sirius woke up, slowly realizing that it was Christmas.  He had slept through the rest of Christmas Eve.  He sighed and stood up to get dressed.  He pulled on a sweater and some pants then walked downstairs, completely ignoring the presents at the foot of his bed.

As he walked out of Hogwarts he thought about what he would do.  He decided to just talk to her, even though he lacked faith that she could hear him.  He neared the Quidditch pitch and slowed.  He looked at the grave right outside of the entrance to the stands.

He fell to the ground, instantly falling apart with grief.  He stopped to compose himself.  He wiped his cheeks and blew his nose into the handkerchief they had found in her trunk.  He sat down in front of her grave and read the inscription. 

"Hello, Belief." He bit his lip, "I miss you so much.  I bet you know that already.  Oh well.  I just want to make you do.  Everyone else misses you too, I know they do.  They just don't show it very well.  James and Lily are together officially.  Severus called her a mudblood and James was there to comfort her, so that's how that happened, as far as I know.  You'd be proud of her.  Remus and the rest of us guys have a secret now.  I don't know what else to say.  That reminds me."

He pulled a package from behind his back.  He unwrapped it and placed the flowers from it on her grave.  He took the paper from it and took a breath.

"I miss you

As much as a person could

Drawn to your beauty

I wish that I could woo

Your heart

Once again." He read, "I wrote that at the start of this school year.  Just like I told you I would.  This is the sixth one so far.  I promise I'll do one next year, even though this is my seventh and final year.  I know it's sad that I can't move on, but that's the kind of person I am."

With that, Sirius Black began to whimper.  Later he went from whimper to full on sobbing, but he spent the rest of Christmas day there.  He did not stop crying until twilight came.  At twilight, he looked up and dried his tears.

He stood up, leaving the flowers behind, and went to bed.  He fell asleep easily and saw her face once more.  But she left him behind once more.  His heart sped up with each passing moment of the dream.  Nothing could help him anymore.

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